How to help DS with friendships

[mozerella]

DS is 12 yrs old in Yr 7. I know I'm his mum but honestly he is a lovely lad, kind and caring, fun to be around. He's really struggling to establish solid friends and sometimes eats lunch alone. He does get along with other boys in his class but a combination of lockdown home learning and the other boys already being in established friendship groups means he just can't seem to find a way in.
He sort of hovers on the edge of things I guess.
My heart is breaking for him a bit although I don't show it, we chat about getting on with everyone etc. I wish there was a magic wand I could wave to make things better for him.
I also have a 17 year old so I know these things take time and of course its been so disrupted for them and they haven't had the chance to settle into Senior school in the usual way. Its just trying to help him in the meantime.

[mozerella]

That's such a lovely story @sweetypop I'm so pleased your DD was brave enough to make a new friend. We have chatted about who he could 'approach' but he feels everyone is in little groups and he said he feels weird about it. I'm going to encourage him because I know there are boys he talks to in lessons who he likes, its just getting a way in if you see what I mean.

[sweetypop]

That sounds really tough for him and you, like others have said he'll no doubt find his group soon enough. It has been so hard this year. I also have a dd in year 7.

After a lot of drama with the girls in her primary I encouraged her to approach someone who she doesn't recognise and who looked like they were alone on the first day. She actually did surprisingly... she went up to a girl who was standing on her own and told her she was pretty. Turns out this girl was new to the area and knew no one and now they're best friends and thankfully this girl is really nice... oh and the girls from primary have moved on from my dd

What I'm trying to say (in a really terrible round about way) is could you encourage him to approach someone who looks like they're on their own? It's the hardest thing to make the first move but he sounds really caring so maybe if you tell him he'll be making someone feel better (rather than make it about him) he might be more confident to do it. I'm sure there must be other girls and boys there who are feeling similar.

[mozerella]

Thanks so much for your lovely reassuring post @cheeseismydownfall I know in my heart he will get there in time, it's just very hard to watch them go through it.

[cheeseismydownfall]

Aw, your poor DS. Y7 is a tricky year at the best of times, and of course the situation has made it ten times harder. I expect that's contributed to the children sticking more to existing friendship groups.

My DS found Y7 quite hard - we'd only recently moved to the area so he didn't have any friends from primary. He seems much more settled now, in Y8, and seems to have a good sized friendship group and thankfully no drama.

A friend of mine has a son who went to a different secondary from all his primary friends. He literally spent every lunchtime of Y7 in the loos because he had no one to hang out with. Things started coming together for him in Y8, and now in Y10 he has a really solid group of really lovely friends.

[mozerella]

Yes my DS isn't interested in football either which does make life tricky. He has a friend who is fairly local but because they've kept them so rigidly in their class bubbles they don't really get to see each other, so that hasn't helped. He is a bit of a sensitive soul too.

[Lotsachocolateplease]

My ds is year 9 and all his friends are girls because all the boys play football and he hates it!
Year 7 is a tricky time and with lockdown it has made it much harder to find like minded friends.
I think it’s just a matter of time, is there anyone that lives close by he sees on the way to school he can start walking with/or getting the bus with?

[mozerella]

Unfortunately these are very thin in the ground at the moment, things are just starting to pick up again with clubs at school so will try and encourage that once they get going again.

[ureterr1blemuriel]

Can you encourage him to participate in after school or lunch clubs where he’ll hopefully make friends through a shared interest?