Wwyd in this situation?

[justleavemebe]

Cleaning my DD's bedroom today and in her toybox I find that she's not only found one of her Xmas presents, but she's opened it got the dolls out and painted the whole front of them in black nail varnish! Dolls were shoved under the toy box.
That's £50 down the drain.
I've told her off and sent her to her room, she hasn't even apologised she just cried when I confronted her about it and couldn't give me an answer to why she would do that.
Her sister thinks I'm being soft and that isn't a good enough punishment.
I'm so pissed off

[RosieLemonade]

I think the fact she hid it showed that she is remorseful and maybe a bit worried about what happens next.

[mam0918]

Honestly not trying to be a bitch (kids do occasionally get into things, no parent is perfect) but the fact that you say that this is recurrent and the act itself shows me shes crying out for attention which she blatently isnt getting.

Obviously no one is watching her because these acts are not quick little things (like a toddler tipping out a cup) they took a fair bit of time to break into the room, find the hidden item, steal them, paint them, allow them to dry and then hide the dolls and NO ONE noticed.

The fact that her bias and angry older sister is also having a say in punishments also backs up the lack of secure parenting.

[Bufferingkisses]

She's 6, she lacks impulse control - like most 6yos.

Get a bolt or hook and eye for the rooms she can't go in and let your older dds learn there are consequences if they don't shut their own bedroom doors.

Your older dds will not remember what it is like to be 6 so use your parental judgement around behaviour and punishment, don't enter into "you're being soft" conversations with them.

[gettingfedupagain]

The punishment is that she has ruined dolls and she gets less to open on Christmas Day, it's the natural consequence

[MustardMitt]

Get a bolt for outside the bedroom door. We had to do this when my twins were little, they couldn’t be left to their own devices without havoc ensuing! A bolt means no key to lose and no risk of anyone getting trapped.

[Sleazeyjet]

She’s 6.

My DD cut her own hair up like a monk age 6. She still doesn’t know why she did it.

My DS coloured himself in with indelible marker he looked like a yellow and blue smurf. Willy and all. He was 5.

Find a better hiding place for presents and get your older dd a lock for her door. And buy her some nail polish for Christmas.

[Newpuppymummy]

I would be a bit concerned about her doing this. It’s an odd thing to do and think needs a chat about what’s going on with her.

[Shortsinwinter]

I think the punishment should just be she's down a couple Christmas gifts. . She's only 6, she probably cant tell you why she did it, because at that age they dont think they just do. Tell her you are disappointed & get her to apologise to her sister for going into her room and then move on. She's not the 1st kid who's found &.opened a Christmas present and she won't be the last.

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

She's only 6 so guessing she still believes in father Christmas?

Do the sisters get each other gifts? If so I'd say that was her Christmas present from her sister and it won't be replaced. Natural consequence without spoiling the Magic of Christmas

I'd also get a lock for her sisters room, but on the outside so she can lock it when she isn't in there but can't lock herself in

[purplecorkheart]

She is six. Her older sisters room is a magical place. Honestly if I was her sister I would put a lock/doorstop etc for the couple of years when it is a magical place. It can be a hook lock at the top of the door.

The painting of the dolls would worry me more. It may be nothing and she probably just thinks it is make up but I would be focusing on this.

[justleavemebe]

And would try to understand why she chose black.
The black nail varnish was on her sister dressing table it was the only one sitting there because dd got it that day, so I don't think it was meant in a sinister way,it just happened to be there and she grabbed it. I found a few of her own favourite barbies that she'd done the same too and it wasn't just the face it was on the body's too.

I've spoken to her and she's apologised to myself and her sister. I can stop her going in her room because that's were her toys are. I'll just keep checking in on her or maybe dig out her baby video monitor

[EscapeTheCastle]

I think she's interested in the make up and the varnish and wants to play with it. She may have even wanted to create a makeup look on the dolls and it went wrong. Hidden because the results were so bad.
I remember using makeup at the same age and it going very wrong!
I also had a girls world dolls head and she got some very horrible make overs.

[niceday]

WWID?
She's 6. That's young in my view.
I'd talk to her to explain why what she's done is wrong and why her sister is angry. And would try to understand why she chose black.

I'd also make sure she knows nothing's wrong with her.
She needs to apologise to her sister.

If I could, I would buy her another present. And I would reduce unsupervised time for her. She can play somewhere close to adults.

[Oreservoir]

OP my dad is in his 80’s.
When he was 6 he woke up before his younger brother on Xmas morning, opened his own gifts and then opened his brothers gifts.
He obviously knew he was naughty because it’s the main action he remembers that got him into trouble as a child.
I’m sure your dd has learned her lesson.

[TimeIhadaNameChange]

I think her sister should get a say in how she's reprimanded. Not only did she go into her private area which she knows she shouldn't she went snooping to the extent she took something out of a bag there, stole it (top all intents and purposes) and damaged it. And not for the first time. I'd tell her she can't be trusted to be on her own so must be with someone else at all, with toy, but not too expect attention all the time.

[HeddaGarbled]

Is this something going on between the sisters do you think? Jealousy? Attention-seeking?

[justleavemebe]

@Plussizejumpsuit the last time she did something like this was about 10/12 months ago so I thought she could be trusted to play in her room. Obviously she's not over this stage and can't be trusted.

I'll get locks for the doors but then getting people to close doors in this house is tricky

[Plussizejumpsuit]

Your saying this is unusual but then have said she has ruined her teenag sisters stuff a few times. So is it out of character or not? Either way this is toddler behaviour not that of a six year old. So I think the damage thing needs to be addressed first. Finding the toys and taking is also naughty but six year olds don't exactly have good impulse control!

[TheMandalorian]

I doubt there is anything sinister with the black nail varnish. She probably just wanted to try it out. I know my 6yo boy would be painting nail varnish everywhere if he spotted it laying about. They may seem quite grown up at times, but they really don't have any impulse control or idea of consequences.
So appropriate consequences. Does she know they are her presents. Does she still believe in santa? That would form the consequences for the doll stealing and destruction.
Then different consequence for entering sisters bedroom and for stealing nail varnish. Get a lock for sisters door too.
So pocket money to pay for new nail varnish. Apology letter to sister.
I would try to find out who she thought the dolls were for.

[justleavemebe]

@blue25 she didn't ask for them but I knew when I saw them that she would love them, It's the only present I've bought for her so far so can't not buy her anything else.

[blue25]

It’s not just that she’s found them is it, it’s that she’s ruined them as well. A very strange thing to do. Did she want these dolls?

I wouldn’t replace them or buy any more Xmas presents. There needs to be a consequence.

[justleavemebe]

I've spoken to her this evening and she can't give an explanation about why she did it. She says she doesn't know why she does these things. She has two older sisters that are teens and she's ruined they're expensive make up and perfumes. She knows it's wrong,she's not a toddler so I don't get why she does it and gets in trouble.

[Deadringer]

Write a letter of apology for daring to enter her sisters room, thats a bit ott isn't it? She is only six after all. Painting dolls with black varnish is strange and i would want to get to the bottom of that, but kids do weird stuff sometimes, i don't think it means she wants to murder you all in your beds.

[Pieceofpurplesky]

More than anything you need to talk to her. Has someone told her Father Christmas is not real and this has confirmed it? Does she have something against her sister? Is she ok etc etc

[user1493413286]

I wonder if she painted them to try and hide what they were so you wouldn’t know she’d opened the present rather than it meaning anything else. Or just because she found the varnish at the same time and thought she’d see what happened.
I would explain to her that she’s now a Christmas present down and I think that’s punishment enough for the dolls. I’d treat going into her sisters room as a separate punishment and a smaller punishment of no screen time for a day or two or whatever it is that she enjoys.