Keeping my daughter's hair neat.

[Intricate56]

Hi,

My daughter is 4. Her hair can be quite unruly. Anything I do to it, any way I put it up, within a couple of hours, it's a mess. Part of that is down to her personality. She looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards, because she spends quite a bit of time dragging herself through hedges backwards.

I'm not great at doing her hair. I can plait, but it unravels. Braids were a crooked nightmare. Ponytails I can never get smooth. Any tips? Her hair is not curly, it's a little bit wavy, quite long. She wants it kept long, could probably do with a trim at the moment which doesn't help. She starts school in September, and I'd like to be a bit better at getting her hair neat and staying that way for longer than five minutes. Any easy styles I could try? Any handy little hints that I can use? I've never liked my hair, never been good at dealing with it. I'd just like to be a bit better for her.

Thank you!

[Trashtara]

I was your daughter.

And I still am. Fine, silky hair that doesn't do what it is told and doesn't stay still. My mum tried all sort to get it to stay "neat". I ended up like a fire hazard helmet head with all the hairspray on it, multiple clips and tight bobbles - my head hurt, my hair pulled out. It was horrible.

As a teen and an adult, I just redo my hair multiple times throughout the day. Or I don't because I can't be arsed.

[BikeRunSki]

Plaits hold better in slightly dirty hair. If you wash it every day, it slips out very easily.

DD and I struggled with this for a few years. When she was 7 she started saying football for a local team, and decided it was much easier to deal with short. She now has an ear lobe length bob. She has the shortest hair of all the girls in her class by about a foot.

[beargrass]

There's a difference between neat, and hair that's not knotty and painful to brush. I'd use detangling spray and go for two French plaits, or two low ponytails (each into a plait), or just two plaits. I think dividing it up tends to make brushing much easier!

[NameChange84]

There are many reasons men get further, but one of them must be the amount of time women are happy to waste

@labyrinthloafer

I teach at a university. I’ve got several degrees and professional qualifications, close to an entire alphabet of letters after my name and I’m pretty far up in my area of research for a 36 year old woman. My A-Level and GCSE results were amongst the highest in the country and I graduated top of my BA and Postgrad courses. I was one of the youngest people in the world to gain one of my professional qualifications aged 19. I also ran my own business on the side whilst at university and still have it going as a sideline. I’ve loads of hobbies that I’m professional level skilled at and I’ve won dozens of awards and I volunteer in front facing roles for charities on a weekly basis.

My hair was down to my arse as a child. It’s high maintenance now. I wear makeup most days, pretty dresses and high heels. I’ve occasionally been on a spa day.

The way I look and the time I’ve spent on my appearance (which I do for me) has never held me back.

The gender pay gap in UK universities has held me back but that has fuck all to do with my hair.

[Diverseduvet]

I hate see scruffy hair, especially on kids. It makes them look uncared for. I was rubbish at doing hair styles but always made sure my kids started the day clean and tidy.

[labyrinthloafer]

@NameChange84

There are many reasons men get further, but one of them must be the amount of time women are happy to waste

*@labyrinthloafer*

I teach at a university. I’ve got several degrees and professional qualifications, close to an entire alphabet of letters after my name and I’m pretty far up in my area of research for a 36 year old woman. My A-Level and GCSE results were amongst the highest in the country and I graduated top of my BA and Postgrad courses. I was one of the youngest people in the world to gain one of my professional qualifications aged 19. I also ran my own business on the side whilst at university and still have it going as a sideline. I’ve loads of hobbies that I’m professional level skilled at and I’ve won dozens of awards and I volunteer in front facing roles for charities on a weekly basis.

My hair was down to my arse as a child. It’s high maintenance now. I wear makeup most days, pretty dresses and high heels. I’ve occasionally been on a spa day.

The way I look and the time I’ve spent on my appearance (which I do for me) has never held me back.

The gender pay gap in UK universities has held me back but that has fuck all to do with my hair.

It is lovely to hear you are successful and have nice hair.

There's no one way to do things but a large number of girls are pressured to care about appearance to the detriment of other things by their parents, peers and society.

You potentially have some colleagues doing research on this. The debate over things like #prettycurious was fairly widespread across HE, I don't need to rehash it all here for you as presume you'll have heard it all at work.

[Endlessmizzle]

Can someone link to the kind of bands you are using? This is all so helpful, I am not girly and use a simple pony myself, dd is super girly, wants long hair but hates having it brushed. Gel spray already been added to the supermarket shop.
Thanks!

[BikeRunSki]

@NameChange84, this was discussed on a thread about curly hair last night.

[BrutusMcDogface]

It's just yet another thing that holds girls back imo. Boys don't have to waste time sitting while their mum faffs about with their hair.

If someone is going to bully your daughter you can't stop that, if it isn't her hair it'll be something else. Put the energy into teaching your daughter she's fine how she is.

I genuinely don't understand why women pass this sort of grooming thing on, is such a waste of time.

This is so true.

[Quackersandcheese3]

I use a bit of hairspray occasionally to keep my dd neat. I also think it’s easier to style when it’s slightly damp .

[DominaShantotto]

@Diverseduvet

I hate see scruffy hair, especially on kids. It makes them look uncared for. I was rubbish at doing hair styles but always made sure my kids started the day clean and tidy.

I can start the day with DD2 clean and tidy - but she can literally walk out of the front door with tidy hair that I've just accosted with a hairbrush - and by the time she's out the other side of the doorway she looks like Helena Bonham Carter on a wild hair day. Either my front door is a portal to hell (which is likely some mornings) or it's just part of the DD2 experience.

Best I've found for staying roughly how I do it is high bunches then plaited into pigtails - but she's getting a bit old for that to be deemed "cool" now (but she's still adamant she loves her long hair)... french plaits work if I do them tightly - but she doesn't often agree to doing that - so it's brush it and whack it into a ponytail and wait till she hits the age she can legitimately claim she's doing the messy bun thing! Her hair will be stunning when she's older and image interested - it's so glossy and thick.

Poor DD1 has hair like mine which is just so fine it looks limp whatever you do with it - she's been desperate to get it cut into a jaw length bob - but the hairdresser is still clearing the lockdown dye job disaster backlog so haven't had the chance to get her in yet. I don't even bother trying to do her hair on a morning now - she puts it in a ponytail herself and invariably has the hairbobble around her wrist and her hair down within a second of getting in the school gate.

[bostonbaby]

Nothing wrong with wanting your daughter to have neat hair. It's sometimes competitive scruffyness on mumsnet.

1. Spray a bit of water on, makes it easier to get into bobbles
2. Whatever hair style you're doing, part in the middle and do 2 so 2 braids, bunches etc. It gets the shorter finer hair around the sides in more.
3. Thinner bobbles, not the big thick ones
4. Bit of hair spray hold

My best hairstyle for my toddler with wavy scraggly hair was to wet it slightly, part down the middle. Bunches each side, then final wrap only pulled halfway through like a top not style then little bow clips at the front of each one. Bit of spray in to hold it. Brush in my bag for when it got pulled out/ straighten up after a nap.

[BrutusMcDogface]

It’s not about “competitive scruffiness“ to me but keeping a brush in your bag to straighten a toddler’s hair is a bit extreme.

That said, when my girls started school I at least tried to make sure their hair was pulled up into a ponytail.

Each to their own.