Things you hope to do/ not to do if you become a Grandparent.

[Izzabellasasperella]

A few of my friends have become Grandparents recently and it got me thinking about what I hope to do or definitely not do for my dcs and grandchildren if I am lucky enough to have them😊
Obviously it would depend on varying things but I would like to,
Have a warm and loving relationship with the gc.
Babysit but not too much😊
Be interested in them as people as they grow older.
Visit in the newborn stage and be helpful but not interfering.
Take the baby so the sleep deprived parent could nap.
Bring food or cook a meal for them sometimes.

I suppose it's a bit like when you have your own children, you look back on your childhood and try to use it as a guide. Taking the good things you remember and not doing the not so good/bad.
Are there things you will/won't do with your grandchildren?

[Blackopal]

Understand that I had my turn at parenting, that I was not perfect and not suddenly feel the need to review my DDs efforts.

When you visit for over two weeks, take the chance to leave your daughter feeling proud of herself rather than hurt her with criticism.

I hope I will realise the role open to me is warm and loving grandmother (who doesn't babysit too much!).

[Blackopal]

Sorry, a sore spot for me!.

I loved my grandmother very, very much as she talked to me and seemed interested when I answered. I used to visit overnight right into my teens.

In fairness she wasn't a typical warm grandma she was more real, didn't see herself as another parent, gave me the impression she enjoyed my company and let me stay up and watch Prisoner Cell Block H! Bloody loved her!

[DorotheaHomeAlone]

I’m still in the baby having stage but my dm has been pretty much a perfect grandma in my eyes. Here’s what she’s done right over the last 6 years:

• was very encouraging and positive about how well I was doing in the early days with my first. She really made me feel confident.
  
• offered help and meant it but didn’t push about what she wanted that help to look like (happy to drop off food and go, happy to hold baby if needed, happy just to chat with me if I needed support).
  
• never outstayed her welcome or made me feel I needed to host her or give her the baby when I didn’t want to.
  
• never competed with other grandparents or compared how much she did for us or how my time anyone was getting with grandchildren.
  
• has done a day pw childcare for us since I went back to work the first time. Very reliable, tries to follow roughly we do wrt food, naps, rules while still spoiling them a little.
  
• loves my kids hugely and equally for the people they are.
  
• supports me as their parent and never judges at all when I talk to her about my parenting fails.

[CormoranStrike]

Try very hard not to parent my grandkids and to leave DD to make her own mistakes - as I did.

To watch like a hawk for PND - daughter has mental health issues.

To talk to my grandkids and know them as people

[Soontobe60]

@CormoronStrike
I'm with you on the PND as I had it with my first baby.

My DD is fiercely independent and never asked for advice pre pregnancy. Surprisingly, this changed whilst pregnant and now she always asks for advice about her DS.

As a grandma of a delightful toddler I :
Look after him one day a week in his own home
Do the shopping and laundry on that day for DD
Follow his routine
Don't spoil him too much
Cook meals for him to throw in the freezer
Teach him how to tidy up his toys
Have him for sleepovers whenever I'm asked
Love him more than I ever imagined I would

[LapsedVeganAcademic]

Following for tips. I suspect at least one of my DSCs will have news for us this year.

Above all, I hope to be there enough-but-not-too-much.

[DinosApple]

If my DDs have children I'd like to be like my grandparents and DM.

My grandparents had me a couple of days a week while my parents worked, from around 11 months and after school until I was 7.

They told me stories, took me to playschool, I went for walks with my GD, we cooked. We played cards, caroms, marbles, shine pennies with brasso and play scrabble. He made a cardboard village that I loved to set up and play with. Not much kids TV in the daytime in the 80s.

I was taken to visit older rellies, and they visited my GPs. I'd help GD in the garden. I also 'helped' re-felt the lean to by sitting on it . I have such fantastic memories of being with my GPs and still miss them, they made a huge impression on me (both died by the time I was 13).

My Dds are late primary age and my parents have been fantastic (MIL was too.) DM is hands on like her parents, and was brilliant when they were born.

I want to be like them when I grow up! And I'd love to look after any GC any time my DDs need it.

[Trahira]

I think the main thing is not to offer advice unless asked for it. Just help and support.

If I'm in good health I plan to offer to give childcare while my DC work, only if that's what they want though.

It's at least 10 years off for me (hopefully! Assuming no teen pregnancies!).

[Izzabellasasperella]

Oh what lovely positive posts. I agree with them all😊
Dd definitely wants children but not for a few years yet.

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

Don't interfere. Don't judge. Work on your flexibility, hand to eye coordination, and armchair departure speed. Wear clothes that can be hot washed. Child rearing has changed since your day, accept it.

In our case, they lived with us until DGS was 10 months old. I wrote a thread about it which was quite well received.

[Silversun83]

Make as much effort with all my grandchildren and not have favourites

Have a DD and DS and I love them both equally.. I can't imagine ever treating their children differently.

[justgivemewine]

😄at “armchair departure speed”

[thebabessavedme]

I am a nana

When dd went home from hospital I went everyday for a week and basically skivvyed for them, washing, hot meals, cleaning etc, my son in law asked me the first night about the right way to lay the baby in the cot, thank god I said google it, the sids advice had changed since I had dd

My wonderful, beautiful, clever, funny, naughty little dgs is 4 now - we have him a lot because of his parents work patterns, he kills us, he leaves and we sink to the sofa and drink gin

we have a wonderful relationship with him and we wouldnt change a thing (well, trying to get him to sleep till 7am would be nice)

[Thecheekofit1]

Don't do what my mum does and that is treat her GC like precious little snowflakes when her own kids were treated very harshly.

[yellowallpaper]

Give my grandkids the time I often didn't have for my own DCs because of a job and a difficult marriage.

Time and attention are priceless where children are concerned.