7 weeks, not smiling, our fault?

[SleepingStandingUp]

I read babies should smile at 6 weeks hut kine still aren't at 7 weeks. Have our 6 week check on Tues and dreading them asking if they're smiling yet and having to admit thry aren't. It's our fault for not being able to make them happier.

All they do is sleep, cry, scream, eat, sick up. Between 3 hourly feeds and a 4 yo in school I just don't have much time when they're actually to play etc but I just feel like I'm letting them down so much. They're behind on their development because I'm not a good enough Mom and thry aren't smiling / always crying because I don't know how to make them happy.

Right now they're asleep curtesy of gripe water but they hate the taste and get really upset for a few minutes afterwards. They're also quite blocked up nasally but hate the nasal spray. And beyond that thry just s ream for the hell of it. It'd really difficult picking them both up so inevitably one ends up being left to scream, sometimes until he falls asleep which can't be good either as they're learning no one comes to you when you cry.
I'm genuinely worried about what pathways all those neurons are making and how damaged they will be emotionally by me not being good enough.

Advice please on being a good enough Mom? I just want happy babies

[nachthexe]

You are a good enough mum. As you have twins, were they a couple of weeks early?
Patience is a virtue.

[nachthexe]

(Dd smiled at six months) she WAS developmentally delayed. The first six weeks are about coping and keeping everyone healthy. Make sure you have enough help and support and give it a week or two.

[5zeds]

Do you have twins? If so have you adjusted for being prem if they were?

[HuloBeraal]

What gestation were they born at? Smiling is a developmental skill so even actually neglected children (which yours do not remotely sound like they are- they are fed and cared for and loved) will do this in their own time. (Unless there are underlying medical causes etc).

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

I am very gently handing you a very large grip. Six week smiles are not a hard and fast rule and babies don't refuse to smile because they're unhappy. And a HCP won't give two shits if they're not smiling (and probably won't even ask) - they're only 7 weeks old not 7 years.

OP do you need to get some help maybe? Are you feeling ok in yourself? I think there is more to this and you need to tell your GP how you're feeling

[ColaFreezePop]

When it says in baby information stuff a baby should be able to do X at Y weeks it is an average. Not every baby acts average.

So tell your HV exactly what they do actually do and see what s/he says before panicking.

[StillMedusa]

Relax. Babies are individuals.. and two at once is tough. They will smile, in their own time, and the windy, sicky colicky ones may take a while to settle.
You are good enough! They are new babies who 7 weeks ago were tucked up inside where they were comfy, didn't have wind etc etc..

I had 4 babies (not all at once but a year between each of the eldest three) The youngest didn't smile for a VERY long time and had all sorts of delays and issues. He got there in the end..and honestly no 3 and no 4 didn't have play time or one to one attention as I was juggling the older two!
They all got there in the end... (one's a doctor, one's a nurse, one a musician and the youngest with delays was voted employee of the year 2 years ago... so they all managed ok, honest!)

I would say let them have dummies tho if you haven't tried them, they do help with soothing!

[BlackeyedSusan]

Oh god, I remember that stage and I only had one.

Try different meds perhaps infacol or something someone else can recommend more recent.

There is a multiple birth board where you can ask about managing two.

If you are feeling shit, check you have not got pnd.

[BlackeyedSusan]

Ps gripe water was much better when it contained alcohol back in the seventies. Good job I had child proof tops otherwise mum may have had a drunk preschooler

[dreaming174]

DD was almost 2 weeks late, and began smiling around 6-7 weeks, but not propee meaningful smiles and they were few and far between. As you had twins, they were probably earlier? Give them a few more weeks, I'm sure you'll soon see their smiles.
For the blocked nose, do you have a snot sucker? I've only used that, not a nasal spray, works pretty well.
You are doing great, one baby is hard enough but two? You're super woman. Sounds like you need a bit of time out though. Can someone watch them for half an hour/an hour to give you some head space?

[JJPC]

When we’re your babies born? My twins came at 36 weeks and didn’t smile until they were 10 weeks-ish.

They’re two now and no longer stuck 4 weeks behind but when they were tiny those 4 weeks felt like ages.

Looking after 2 newborns and an older sibling is very tough going. Don’t beat yourself up if they cry a little longer than you’d like. It won’t hurt them.

[ClappyFlappy]

You are doing a great job! As others have said if they were born early it may just be they haven’t reached the social smiling point of development yet. And it’s nothing to do with them being happy or not. Tiny babies don’t recognise emotions to be able to express them in that way x

[fligglepige]

Stop. Seriously. All that neuro pathway stuff is a perfect example of how a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. All it takes is Karen to read about it and write a blog post about it only half understand it and all of a sudden mums everywhere are flogging themselves because their kid cried for 3 minutes.

Their neuro pathways will be fine unless they are suffering from abusive, neglect or other extreme circumstances. Not smiling at this stage probably doesn't indicate a problem - it's still early doors. But speak to the HCPs about it, don't try to hide it. They can reassure you, and they can help you.

[SleepingStandingUp]

They were 36 weeks, but were nearly 7lb born so I wonder if that's actuality right

Re snot sucket, I can't see any snot tho, but gp reckons that's what's making good cry sounds a bit funny and he sounds snuffly. Would a snotsucker still help?

I know they all develop at diff ratesigiess I'm just worried it's synonymous of their general unhappiness given how much they cry and all those little neurons are firing around their brain mKing new neural pathways and they're all going to be about being sad

[Monkeymilkshake]

Pretty sure 6 weeks is an average. So i wouldnt worry about it at 7 weeks.
Do you mean a real happy smile ir one they do before they fart/vomit?

[MAFIL]

It sounds like you are having a tough time SleepingStandingUp.
Having one newborn and a 4 year old can be draining, but 2 is doubly tricky. I am sure you are a more than good enough Mum. You wouldn't be worrying if you were a bad mother.
Remember your babies were early. 36 weeks may not be very prem, but it is still a month or so sooner than most are born. Being nearly 7lb born doesn't necessarily mean they were fully ready to be born - maybe they were destined to be 9lb or more at birth? Most probably their digestive systems are still immature which is causing some of the gastrointestinal discomfort and they are neurologically not quite ready to smile yet. I really don't think it is because they are unhappy.
When people talk about damage to babies' development from being left to cry, they mean babies who are neglected and left to cry for hours on end, not the kind of situation your babies are in. You are being very hard on yourself. Most people can't attend to their baby's crys instantly all the time, especially when they have older children too, and even more so with multiples. It just isn't physically possible!
What support do you have? It sounds like you might need a little more help, and there is nothing to be ashamed about in that. As PPs have suggested, it is probably a good idea for you to talk to your HV or GP about your anxieties - not because I think your babies are really behind in their development, but for reassurance. It is probably also worth you getting some more input on their feeding and the discomfort you feel they are in. As I mentioned earlier, the most likely explanation is just that their guts are still relatively immature and things will settle in time, but particularly with you mentioning nasal congestion too, I wonder if there is any chance they have cows milk protein allergy? I would say it is worth considering.
I hope things start to improve soon. These early weeks can be very draining.

[LauraPalmersBodybag]

Oh op, don’t worry. As other have said, your two are 4 weeks behind a full term 40 weeker. My dd was born at 39 + 4 and her development was always bang on, but my baby showed up by emcs a mt 37 weeks and he’s often 3 weeks behind - I had the same worry when he didn’t smile at 6 weeks, but much to my relief he did start at 9.

Also, 6 weeks is when they start to smile from. Plenty more will take their time, full term or not.

Are you getting enough support? You must be worn out. I’m sure you’re doing a wonderful job.

[nuttymoon]

They will smile soon enough OP, they are probably smiling at each other when you aren't there and waiting to show you their best one. my dd would walk when I was out of the room and sit down as soon as she heard me coming, Little monkey.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Do you mean a real happy smile ir one they do before they fart/vomit? a happy one. They have beautiful wind smiles

[Lenny1980]

Pretty sure 6 weeks is early for smiles, not average. I’ve read anything from 6-12 weeks is considered normal. 8 weeks here and only the faintest glimmer of a smile and that’s only in the last couple of days. I’m not worried.

[rhnireland]

Just because you mentioned the snuffliness and that gripe water is helping- is there any chance they have silent reflux? A friend spotted my daughters for me and gaviscon made all the difference.

Also wise words I try to remember is that if you are worrying about whether you are a good parent then you are a good parent

[SleepingStandingUp]

They're in gaviscon and omeprazole, it does help altho thry bring some up still but they just still get really squirmy and screamy, that's why I thought colic given their age. Sometimes they'll scream until thry fall asleep if I'm dealing with the other one / making feeds etc and I worry they're learning that no one comes when they cry