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Original poster

Im desperate for advice

28 replies

Fifdee · 01/02/2020 18:52

Hi, I'm fast approaching my 50th birthday and my life is a mess. I would be so grateful for advice on how I can improve my life and any success stories as I just feel my life isn't worth living at the moment.

I just can't see anything positive and that it's just not worth going on.

So I'm going to list everything (sorry if long) and would really welcome your input.
50 in 6 months I have 2 children.
I'm overweight but struggling to do anything about it as I feel so sad. I have however started to walk 10k steps every day and eat healthier.

I have been a stay at home mum for 17 years Blush. I know I really need to get a job but have absolutely zero confidence. Previously worked in sales and banking. I can study for something but have no idea in what and feel I'm too old to do this.

Finances aren't great. Would love to earn and help out more and just have a job for my self confidence and not rely on DH.

Marriage isn't great. Not dreadful but lacking in love and sex life gone. I want to try and work on the marriage and feel maybe it isn't great because I feel so crap about myself.
Oldest will be off to uni next year and I feel like it should be my time to shine. But I feel like life has now passed me by and I have left it all too late.

I'm quite attractive but would love to have hair and beauty treatments but no funds for that.

Please help me out

OP posts:
marthastew · 01/02/2020 19:02

Hello, If you feel sad all the time it might be worth a visit to your GP to discuss your mood and possible depression.

There are lots of jobs you can do without previous experience as training is given. Retail, care, customer service etc. Bear in mind that being a stay at home mum teaches you a lot of useful skills though.

Thanks
Original poster
Fifdee · 01/02/2020 19:15

Thank you so much for replying. I have suffered from depression before and it's not like that. I know it is my situation and I'm bored with being a housewife and once the children go I will have nothing.

I always wanted to train in something but the years have flown passed and now I feel like I have left it too late. I really feel like my life is over. I am lucky and grateful for what I have. The children are a delight and no major issues with them. DH is ok too, just growing apart and I think my own self loathing is making it worse Sad

OP posts:
TerrifiedandWorried · 01/02/2020 19:18

Start with a job and the rest will flow.
As soon as money is coming in you can start hair and beauty treatments. You can look at courses - you have nearly 20 years of work left, make them ones you enjoy.

Soontobe60 · 01/02/2020 19:22

You need to get yourself a job, any job, so that you can have a bit of financial independence and socialise with people outside the home. Even if it's just half a day in a shop it's a starting place.

Original poster
Fifdee · 01/02/2020 19:26

I did apply to A couple of supermarkets but failed the online tests.
I'm not stupid but don't have a degree. I just get by with computers. I really wished I had some kind of career. I know the job is the first thing but just don't know where to start.
I'm 2st overweight and don't even want to leave the house. DH always wants to go out but I never want to go as I feel so shite about myself.

OP posts:
RandomUsernameHere · 01/02/2020 19:44

Sorry to hear you're feeling like this, OP. Would doing some voluntary work be an option? This might give you a bit of experience, and confidence, that could help with getting a paid job.

Original poster
Fifdee · 01/02/2020 20:51

I guess that would work. But where do I start?
I thought if I try to lose weight that would help first. But I feel like what's the point as I have both to look forward too?
Does anyone know of somebody that has reset their life at my age? I feel so worthless

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 01/02/2020 21:04

Do couch to 5k. It’s a killer but worth it!!!

RandomUsernameHere · 01/02/2020 22:03

What sort of things interest you? There are all sorts of volunteering roles. It could be working with children or animals, something cultural like helping out in a museum, or an office based role, or Riding for the Disabled. There may be a website where they advertise local roles that need to be filled. Or just get in touch with local charities and organisations. You could draft an email stating roughly what hours/days you would be willing to help out and send it to a few places. You are not worthless at all.

TerrifiedandWorried · 01/02/2020 22:15

Lots of people don't get through the online selection process for supermarkets. It has nothing to do with your intelligence and everything to do with them misusing psychometric tests.

FlowerArranger · 01/02/2020 22:16

Read some books about positive thinking and building self-esteem, and watch related YouTube tutorials.

Read a couple of books on career coaching and the dos and donts of job applications.

Apply for any and all jobs you feel you might be able to do, using carefully tailored rather than standard CVs and cover letters.

Invest in a few sessions with a counsellor to talk through your fears, dissatisfactions, concerns about your marriage and all your other worries.

Embracelife · 01/02/2020 22:20

It s not too late. This is your time to shine.
Start by volunteering in a charity shop. Few hours a week. Be enthusiastic and get some confidence
Build confidence.

Do c25k...I did age 52 repeat each week 3 times if you need to.

Go to parkrun. Walk at the tail.

Look locally on community centre or council notice boards for get back to work sessions or how to write a cv
Local adult education classes in IT etc

Cuddling57 · 01/02/2020 22:38

I'm going to rewrite your post for you OP as I can see many positives:
I'm 50 soon and decided it's my time to shine! I'm a little overweight but I'm working on that already and am blessed with good looks!
I've devoted the last 17 years to looking after 2 children. I've done a great job - the eldest is about to spread their wings and go off to uni. I'm so proud.
I'm happy to study and work anywhere (I have a long time left before I retire!). I used to work in sales and banking. It's so hard to get good salespeople so this may be an area I will look into. I know i just have to keep applying for anything and everything that I see until something comes up trumps.
As soon as I start earning I'm going to contribute financially to the house and treat myself to some beauty treatments so really looking forward to that!
I'm also going to work on my relationships. Both with my husband and more importantly loving, appreciating and respecting myself more.
I've got this Grin

lljkk · 01/02/2020 23:03

How old is your younger kid?

do-it.org is place to find volunteering opportunities in your area.

I also had the lack of confidence... but really you just have to feel the fear & do it anyway. Stop finding reasons to keep putting your life on hold. btw, A lot of small charities are desperate for someone to help run their websites. Way to pick up basic IT skills.

Elieza · 01/02/2020 23:05

A voluntary job is a great idea. Oxfam is well used to volunteers. They take kids in for the Duke Of Edinburgh awards and suchlike. The can provide you with a character reference. Always helpful when doing a job application for a paid position.

If you could walk there you would burn off calories. While there you won’t be nibbling at crap like you would at home so that will help too. And you’ll get first dibs on any clothing that you like before it gets put up in hangers for sale. You may feel more attractive then. And certainly more confident.

There are charity shops too of course, oxfam is my local one so that’s why I’m quoting it, but there are so many charities out there that would welcome a reliable person with common sense who can follow basic instruction and be polite to customers and colleagues.

Another thing people are always on here for us childminding/school pick up and drop off/after school care etc. If that would help you could do that as you have plenty experience of children.

Go for it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain while you consider what you want to work as.

LouReidDododo · 01/02/2020 23:07

Well 50 is the new 40!

Your doing 10k steps a day that’s shit loads more than me!

One kids off to uni mine are still clinging round my neck like a fucking anchor.

You’ve worked in banking - you must be good at numbers (I’m shit!) that will look good on your CV as it shows you can be trusted and have a brain.

Get your hair done and plan something with your mates. Go and do something you never would have done and kick start your arse back in action

wonderrotunda · 01/02/2020 23:13

@ Cuddling57 that was wonderful!

Original poster
Fifdee · 02/02/2020 09:32
  • @Cuddling57* Thank you for that, what a wonderful post! I'm giving myself 6 weeks to really get on the healthy eating and exercise program. Then I will start looking for a job. Can anyone recommend a book or something online that I can teach myself word and excel? I'm going to have a good chat with DH today about our relationship and how we can improve things. I do have a lot to be grateful for so I'm going to concentrate on that and get rid of all the negative thoughts and try and be more positive. Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement x
OP posts:
VisionQuest · 02/02/2020 09:36

I totally agree that once you start working, your self esteem will definitely improve.

Have you thought about an apprenticeship? It would give you the opportunity to work and get a qualification at the same time.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 02/02/2020 09:37

Get an HGV licence. Seriously. Most of the women I work with are empty nesters, because it's not a parent friendly profession. You'll be working with people your own age, you'll have a great view, and you'll always have job.

Original poster
Fifdee · 02/02/2020 09:55

@VisionQuest that is something I would be interested in but can you do that at my age?

Not sure about HGV licence, I get nervous on motorways Smile

OP posts:
Embracelife · 02/02/2020 09:58

Local adult education colleges will run short and longer courses in excel etc. And that will get you out.

Or pay sub to linkedinlearning

fessmess2 · 02/02/2020 10:05

I would say focus on you first. What do you enjoy? Volunteer somewhere and get back some self-worth. Join a craft group, whatever, something to get you out mixing with people and achieving stuff. Oh and btw I am 52 and just about to qualify in a new career so it's never too late.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 02/02/2020 10:08

When you're driving an HGV, nervousness is for other people. Oh yes.

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