Does everyone find teenagers harder than young children?

[beclev24]

I just read a facebook post from a friend who was talking about how awful her teenagers were and how much harder it was than when they were younger. It made for depressing reading.

I have 3 DC aged 8, 5 and 1. All the things she described with her teens- kids being massively overemotional, stroppy, rude, arguing with each other and their parents etc, mine already are! I was so hoping that we could get past the constant high drama when their brains matured a little bit and they had a bit more perspective. Did anyone at all find that parenthood got easier when their kids got older?? Give me some hope!!

[Singlenotsingle]

Small children can be exasperating and infuriating. But at the same time cute, cuddly, and they say funny things that make you laugh.

[HollySwift]

I’d rather have ten 2 year olds than my one 12 year old. Not even exaggerating. Toddlers are awesome. Teenagers are fucking vile.

[LoniceraJaponica]

DD was never vile, she was such a worry with all her issues.

[Boulardii]

Whenever I have publicly moaned about dd (between 2 and 7 yo) either to friends or family, they’ve always responded “wait till they’re teenagers”

I think there can be A gleeful tone When this comment gets made... just wait! They say.

I like it when people are honest about their struggles and don’t pretend everything is hunky dory. I think those kind of comments put people off complaining or admitting to finding it hard.

I found 0-6 hard , 7-11 a joy, and am embarking on teenage years now. The kids are great; I enjoy their company and they are getting more independent and finding their own interests it’s very exciting, and although it is demanding, (like a pp said, because of the school exams etc) I love being their mum so much.

I also have a toddler at the same time and frankly I’d say none of them are ‘worse’ than the other, it just changes. Toddler is more physical but goes to bed early!

[Milicentbystander72]

Harrykanesrightsock sums it up brilliantly for me.

I love my teens. I like spending time with them. However I frequently loose sleep over them. The emotional counselling I need to do nearly every other day is exhausting. I feel waaay more mentally tired now than I did when they were little.

They can get their own food, do their own things, hold decent conversations with you but in many other ways they need you much more.

The primary years were a breeze. I wish I'd known it at the time.

[Lollypop27]

I’m loving the teenage years!

It’s not physically demanding like the toddler years and it’s great getting weekend lie ins if they don’t have a sports game. We haven’t really had any dramas apart from the odd hormonal tantrum. They are really good kids and I love spending time with them. They talk to me about everything and we have quite a few respectful debates about politics, Brexit, climate chang, etc.

But I worry so much more. I remember my mum saying to me ‘it’s not you I don’t trust it’s everyone else’ and I feel the same. I worry if they go to a party and have their drink spiked, or they get mugged for the iPhone they have etc. Obviously I don’t show them mybworry.

Times have changed so much since I was a teenager and there is so much pressure on them now, from exams, social media, career choices and so on.

But if I could I would go back in a heartbeat to have their sticky, chubby hands holding mine or them climbing in to my bed in the middle of the night 😭

Ignore what others say about them being harder people just say things so they always have it worse. It’s like when you have your first and they say ‘wait until you have two’ and so on.

[LaFreaka]

I love having teenagers - prefer their friends now too! Sure there’s moments but it’s a more adult like relationship, they are very funny and I still get cuddles from my 15 year olds.

[suzi100]

I find the teenage years much harder and at the moment feel emotionally drained.I'm a single mum and am dealing right now with a stroppy 14 year old who thinks the world has ended as I've turned the internet off.I hate the xbox but you get suckered into it because all the lads at school have one.In desperation I changed the wifi password as I was so sick of my son sitting in the bedroom ,playing xbox in school holidays instead of getting out of the house.But you know what? He spent all day on his own ,as all his friends were on the xbox all day.I feel I'm fighting a losing battle at the moment and am exhausted from it.This issue will only get worse as children have access to tablets etc at a much earlier age .I feel like I'm a crap mum because it has come to this although the women I work with tell me I'm not alone.

[evaperonspoodle]

Pro's and cons to both stages, my teens are good and not given me any bother (so far) but I am much more tired at this stage than when I had 3 under 4. The constant parent days, careers conventions and now uni open days, deciding which uni she can afford to go to considering there will be 3 at the same time. The lifts, taxiing, needing money for xyz etc. I actually feel like I will get a break when I die. Sorry OP, not helpful!

[AlexaShutUp]

Each child is different, so it's hard to generalise.

So far, I love having a teenager. DD is great company and has a fab sense of humour. I love her energy and her zest for life. Yes, she can be a bit stroppy/moody at times, but then again, so can I! I'm fortunate though, in that she and her friends are pretty sensible and I don't really worry about them getting into trouble.

Having said all that, dd was a delightful toddler and lovely all through the primary school years, so there hasn't really been a stage that I've struggled with. Think it's a combination of having only one child and a very easy one to boot!

[AlexaShutUp]

And yes, she is very expensive! And needs me to be a constant taxi driver....

[AlexaShutUp]

And I still get tons of cuddles!

[buckingfrolicks]

Everything leading up to teenage years is nature's way of preparing parents for teens and ensuring that the love shared and grown up to them is sufficient to carry both teenager and parent through this period.

Good luck

[LaFreaka]

I think it also depends on the parents - some parents are a bloody nightmare - so controlling, don't want their kids to grow up, won't allow teens to learn to make decision for themselves, treat them like kids because they aren't legal adults yet, can't allow their kids to make mistakes, allow their understandable but often media inspired and irrational fear of something happening to cloud their judgement - teen feels justifiably suffocated and responds in a reactionary unpleasant way. It's a fine line you tread but it is most definitely not all to do with nightmare teens - some parents do not adjust quickly enough to the increasing march of their children towards adulthood...they'd rather keep them kids forever - the teens won't like that.

[FuzzyShadowChatter]

No not at all. My teen can be sulky, feel like he's left his common sense somewhere, and has thrown us a few curve balls, but overall is so much easier than when he was younger or compared to his younger brother.

I do agree that I worry more about my teen son and almost-teen daughter than their younger siblings. I think it's a mix of them still being so vulnerable against the wider world and seeing things in them that I was at their age and thinking 'I really hope I can help them not make the same mistakes' but knowing there is only so much I can do.

As an example, my daughter thankfully has some of her father's resilience to people's nonsense, but she does have my social anxiousness and people pleasing so the older she gets, the more I worry about her friends and their impact on her as I remember my friends impacts on me for good and for bad. A rude trick she copied from her friends when she was 6 was easy to nip in the bud and now I'm pretty happy it is mostly clothing she's copying even if I push her to at least put trousers or something over the really thin leggings as it's freezing, but there are the what if the next thing is like X thing I or my brother did as teens.

I also think there is the issue where at times when parenting them is hard and there is a moment of 'you're old enough to know better by now, it feels like we've discussed this a thousand times, how are you going to ever...' and I have to remind myself how hard puberty is and really they're still quite inexperienced at social and all general life stuff and how much I changed and they're likely to change. My first reaction can make it feel harder and worse than it is and cause me to make it harder and worse than it is. Once past that bubble of frustration, things can work out well. Some of the hardness can certainly come from the parents.

[Deadringer]

I like toddlers but I much prefer my teenagers. Agree with pp who said that the worries with teens are much more serious, but I am on my 4th one now and and she is a dream. The first was tricky but we got through it and have a great relationship now. Every age has its vexations, at least with older teens you don't need a babysitter and can have a social life again.

[Starlight456]

People forget what bothered toddler years were.

It is swings and roundabouts . I now watch programs I might enjoy, can have a more grown up conversation.

We worry call the time just varies what about sids, school, friends, diet, drugs, exams, careers. It just changes.

[TimetohittheroadJack]

I think the fact the teenagers don’t wake you up at 5.30 am shouting ‘morning mummy’ ready to start their day means that physically it’s less demanding.

It’s now nearly mid day and none of my 3 teenagers have even stirred yet (it’s half term). 10 years ago I’d have been up for at least 6 hours, made, and cleaned up after at least two meals, been referee in at least one fight, probably had to comfort someone that was crying and a thousand other jobs.

I think the hardest part now though is I can’t actually solve everyone’s problems or worries.
And they cost a fortune. No more Happy Mesls or diluting squash you brought with you, now if we eat out everyone had an adult meal (to be fair, all 3 are taller and bigger )than me.

[thatsmyspace]

I had 3 under 3 and I found them easier growing up than I do now at 14/16/17.

I moaned so much when they were primary age but at least I knew where they were. Now they go off in all directions and I'm constantly texting/calling to find out where their at-what their doing-did they get to the party ok-have they definitely got a lift home. Then I can't get to sleep until their home, 9/10 I get a call asking if I can pick them up because their lifts fallen threw. I can't drink incase I have to go get them. Then there's the bf troubles, consoling your dd when she's got her heart broken. The fighting between them and them all towering over you so your referee skills are no longer any use. I have my suspicions ds is smoking weed again after being caught once.

Then there's the cost of them! Give me the days when I could just walk into a high street shop and kit them out. Now it's all designer, £120 for ds trainers and £160 for the tracksuit 🤦🏻‍♀️ that's literally all he got for Xmas!
Then they want money every time they leave the house.

Would trade this shit show for the toddler/primary age anyway.

[Xmastummyhasgonebig]

Yes 100percent harder. I have a 15, 5, 3, and 6 month old. The 15 year old is so much more hard, teenage years are horrific

[thatsmyspace]

Any day*

[thatsmyspace]

@Xmastummyhasgonebig on top of the 3 teens I have a 4 and 2 year old and their angels compared to the older siblings. I can totally relate 🙈

[FlagFish]

So far I'm finding teens easier. I have a few years to go though!

[Grumbling]

Teens are way worse. You get lulled into a false sense of security from 5-11yrs. We thought we had nailed parenting up to that point. Then the teens hit, farking hell. Nightmare. They can be funny, loving, occasionally thoughtful but they also can be rude, challenging, utterly self centred, emotional, hormonal, vulnerable, soooo argumentative.

On the whole I would rather have them than toddlers, which I found very tedious, but the teen years are taking a toll on my mental health for sure. I have one particularly smug friend of primary school aged children. I can’t wait until hers hit their teen years (I know, I know but she really is insufferably sure she has parenting all figured out...)

[mooncuplanding]

I love having teens

Its such a joy to see them turn into independent individuals. Sure, they fuck it up regularly but that is part of the fun because it's not all on you, they take responsibility for the mistakes too. I love spending time with them, look forward to it and miss them while they are off doing their own thing.

I am a SP to 2 teen DS's and although I'd feared they would live up to the stereotype and be delinquents, they are turning into fine young men, even if I do say so myself.

I think every stage has joy and pain, but teenage years, if you give up your control, allow them true independence to make their own mistakes and massively UP their responsibilities, they are mostly joyous