wwyd? dds dance teacher putting her down

[nuttiestnut]

My daughter has been having dance lessons here for 7 years- she is 10 btw and teacher is what you would call old school. Last year, while they were preparing for display, I had cause to complain as she was the only one from her level doing a dance with a lower level. She said my girl was slower to pick up steps- I pointed out that she got highly commended in her exam. Things were then rearranged. On to this year and the same thing is happening again- she said to the class they are arranged as they are due to height - she is doing a dance in a group below her level, including her younger sister and cousin. I feel I made my views clear last year. My daughter said not to say anything to teacher as she doesn't want a fuss. She got commended in exam this year. I feel this is affecting her confidence and To be honest I don't see the point in doing dance exams to move up the level if this is not reflected in the annual display. Trying to work out what best to do.

Is there another local dance class? If so, then maybe its time to vote with your feet.

As someone with life long weight issues who was kicked out of ballet aged 10 because the teacher told my Mum I was too fat. I would say get her doing something else as a hobby that hopefully clashes with the same time. After the "expellation" there was to be a big show so my Mum asked for me to be allowed back to do the show. The teacher relented but I stayed in a class below. All my friends/peers were Dresden China dolls in beautiful dresses. I was a large fat jelly baby in an all in one (tight cat suit) traumatised for life.

I think move on, find her a new hobby make up some reason why dance won't work any more and don't tell her what the teacher said.

I thought this happened to me cos it was the 1980s but a friends daughter got chucked out of the same ballet school (now taught by my teachers daughter) for the same reason. Outrageous!

Find a different class for both of them? Someone more positive with her. This stuff matters. I had a piano teacher (group lessons). Behind closed doors (no parents), she'd bully at least one of us. What a bitch she was. We were all too young to say anything or stick up for those bullies. It was atrocious.

Find a new teacher. Don't make her quit if she really likes it, but if she doesn't feel strongly, maybe it is a good idea to try something else.

I'm assuming this is ballet; she could try modern dance, if she likes dancing, and isn't obsessed with ballet. There can be a very ruthless attitude in ballet classes as kids get older.

Is there a different teacher she could go to?

DD2 was was always held back by her violin teacher. I finally sat through one Christmas concert where she had learnt no new pieces at all, and just played some pieces she had learnt a year ago. People who had been behind her, had been allowed to "catch up" to her, simply because the teacher wasn't moving her on. I was practically in tears at the injustice of it.

I changed her teacher, and in the period of just over a year since then, she has gone from strength to strength with a new teacher, who really appreciates her abilities. (And he has very impressive credentials - more so than than her previous teacher!)

Find a new teacher. My kids (aged 9, 6 and 3) started lessons in January. DS was already known to them as they "borrowed" him for a theatre show last year as they were short of little boys. DD1 is tall and is in a line of slightly older girls. Her teacher said height wise she could have gone up another row, but she didn't want to knock DD1's confidence by putting her with girls who had been dancing for many years.

DD2 has been moved up a group as (in her teachers words) "she gets it"

There is a difference between doing well in the exams (for which there will have been a long preparation period) and picking up a sequence of steps quickly for a performance. They are totally different skills.

The teacher is not necessarily lying or picking on DD (after all, things like arranged by height are so easy to see).

The key question is whether your DD likes this class. If she does, then back off, stop making comparisons, stop bigging up the annual show as that seems to be where DD has difficulties and that on itself will be bad for her confidence.

If she doesn't like the class, find another. But do make sure you are not projecting your own disappointment about parts onto DD. For performing in public beyond your capabilities to learn to routines securely is likely to be much more of a confidence wrecker than dancing well at the proper level.