Feel bad for 9 year old - Santa not real

[RevolvingPivot]

Hi. My dd11 figured our Santa wasn't real age 9/10. This year dd9 has been asking. I've told them he isn't so this is the first year they know for definite.

I feel bad that my eldest had two years of guessing but not knowing. I think being the younger sibling means they often grow up quicker.

I've just seen a post on Facebook where a woman is asking for advice on telling her son. (I can't see his age). There are a lot of replies that say their children age12-14 still believe.

Is this true?? I though they would know before secondary.

I suppose it's all part of growing up?

[Rosebel]

My 13 year old still believes. She is autistic though so not sure if that's why. My 15 year old kept saying she believed last year but turns out she was just saying that to ensure she got a stocking Christmas morning.
I actually keep thinking I must tell my 13 year old the truth (obviously not now) but it's so hard as I know she will be really really upset.

[RevolvingPivot]

@MerylSqueak

I think you're right *@stayathomer*. I certainly don't fancy a season of ,'Mummy killed Christmas.'

😢

[RevolvingPivot]

@Snugglybuggly

First world problems

I have a lot more problems if you would like me to list all of those?

[MerylSqueak]

I think you're right @stayathomer. I certainly don't fancy a season of ,'Mummy killed Christmas.'

[MrsGrinchesHumblePie]

I am of the opinion if DC ask outright after around 8/9 then they should be told the truth (gently!). Both my DC asked around age 9 and were both relieved I told the truth as both times DC in their class had been teased for still believing.

There comes a point where Father Christmas becomes more for the pretense of the parents than for the DC. I don’t understand parents who are willing to risk their DC being ridiculed just so they can carry on the “magic”.

[FoxInABox]

My eldest was 11, and second DD was 10. DS is 9 and still believes. I think I will feel quite sad once we have no believers left!

[stayathomer]

MerylSqueak
Wait until Feb March at this stage, no point in Christmas being all about them just having found out!!

[CactusLemonSpice]

I think 9 is fine. It's a strange one as I don't remember when I stopped thinking he was real (did I ever really think it was true or just never thought about it?) - I also never mentioned to my mum when I did realise. Just continued to go along with it. It's possible older kids don't think he's real, but are just joining in with the pretence much like the parents!

[StrongLegs]

My ds never had any time for the concept of Santa, even as a toddler. In our house the presents come from Mum and Dad.

[MerylSqueak]

I was gobsmacked last night because I have been totally blasé about it this year, deliberately because I was testing the waters. I explicitly said to DD that I would have to return a present she'd asked for as they'd sent the wrong model. She didn't say anything so I thought she knew and was fine with it.

I am damn well not going to be the one to kill Santa fgs. Kids in the playground are supposed to do that for me.

[Turquoisesol]

Merylsqueak can you “accidentally” leave out a present that gives the game away. Alternatively you could have a chat that even though they maybe don’t believe any more remember to pretend for x younger cousins etc. to save them the embarrassment of “the conversation”

[MerylSqueak]

I am actually worried that my 13yo and 11yo still believe. I felt sure they would have worked it out but I heard them discussing yesterday that the elf definitely wasn't real but Santa definitely was. I don't quite know what to do about it

[SpiderinaWingMirror]

Mine I think worked it out by 9. But the middle one in particular just loved the idea so much. Them a bonus baby so fun continued with her. Now a grandbaby so enjoyed it all again.
They all still get Stocking

[Turquoisesol]

I agree iseestupidpeople it is annoying when they ask and you do t want to lie but really they don’t want to know yet. I know children who have been very upset when told too soon. Even if they have an inkling it’s all quite sad to hear it come out your mums mouth as confirmed he is not real

[Iseestupidpeople]

*Can be traumatic.

[Iseestupidpeople]

You shouldn’t ruin it for them. It can’t be quite traumatic if they are told instead of figuring it out themselves.

[Snugglybuggly]

First world problems

[Timeisavirtue]

DS is 13, around about 9 he always asked complicated questions regarding Santa’s operation but never came right out and asked if he was real, I just explained it away and he seemed somewhat satisfied. I think now he knows but pretends to humour me, I’m not asking him in case he doesn’t know though. Dd9 hasn’t questioned anything yet, I’m waiting for one of her peers to tell her although I’d rather they didn’t but someone them are that sort of child.

[Lalliella]

DD was about 6 when she figured it out. I was relieved to be honest that I wasn’t having to tell completely ludicrous lies each year. We still had the magic of Christmas, everything was still lovely, and we pretended that we didn’t know that she didn’t believe, and made a big joke about it. It was all fine.

[RevolvingPivot]

Obviously she has asked before and I said of course but when she kept asking I just told her he isn't. It's the elves she's most upset about. My eldest found out at 10 1/2 so had that bit longer.

We are still leaving a bun and carrot out.

Just out of curiosity what are your kids stop visiting Santa? I told mine at around 7 that the Santa in the shops isn't real. They went a year after that then stopped.

[PinkSyCo]

What??? Santa’s not real?!!! 😭

[ancientgran]

[quote MynameisWa]@ancientgran are you my mum? She still hasn’t let on![/quote]
It's fun isn't it.

[Goldbar]

My personal view (and I accept this is controversial) is that parents should never deny outright the existence of Santa when asked. Children will figure it out for themselves eventually when they are ready and then it just becomes a big, fun conspiracy that the whole household participates in. Children, even older ones, enjoy make-believe games that adults participate in. When I am out with my 4yo, we often pretend that we can spot dragons or fairies or that cats and dogs can talk. When they finally twig, I don't see why Santa can't simply become another imaginary game between us as it was for me and my parents growing up. My mother only finally acknowledged aloud that Santa doesn't exist when I was putting together my DC's first stocking.

[CamCurls]

When my eldest was five and in reception he told me “Mummy, some of the children in my class believe in Father Christmas!” Before I could even start to reply he said “ Don’t worry, I didn’t spoilt it for them” Phew!
When he and his 3 younger siblings queried the existence of FC I just reminded them that presents would probably miraculously appear on Christmas morning and that was proof enough for me. So we just went along with the Christmas traditions.

[HolidayTime2021]

10 seconds on google
Children know by year 3 mostly.