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AMA with author Hadley Freeman - Tuesday 23rd

103 replies

NicolaDMumsnet · 22/05/2023 17:17

Hello,

We’re pleased to announce that author Hadley Freeman will be doing an AMA tomorrow evening (Tuesday 23rd) in the wake of her latest book 'Good Girls: A Story and Study of Anorexia'. Good Girls is a searing and powerful memoir about mental ill health and her experience with anorexia.

Hadley is a columnist and writer for the Sunday Times, and was previously a staff writer for The Guardian since 2000, where she won several journalism awards. She is the author of several books including House of Glass, a Sunday Times bestseller. 

The AMA is now open for questions . Please do post your questions below.

Thanks,
MNHQ.

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AMuser · 22/05/2023 17:18

Just to say great! I love Hadley and the book was fantastic. As was House of Glass

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AutumnCrow · 22/05/2023 17:26

Awesome journalist and author.

Looking forward to to it and thank you MNHQ.

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AncientBallerina · 22/05/2023 17:29

Listening to her book on Audible at the moment. So much insight into this awful illness. Very glad she has recovered.

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HadleyF · 23/05/2023 17:51

Hi everyone! So sorry for being a bit late - I had to do a TV thing this afternoon and have so much make up on my face I look like Jack Nicholson in Batman. There's a visual for you. Please do ask me anything - I'm really looking forward to this x

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PatriciaHolm · 23/05/2023 17:57

Adored House of Glass.

With respect to the new book - do you have strategies in mind to address the related issues with your own children in time? At what age do you think it would be appropriate for them to read it?

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HadleyF · 23/05/2023 17:57

AMuser · 22/05/2023 17:18

Just to say great! I love Hadley and the book was fantastic. As was House of Glass

Ahh thank you so much, @AMuser - so kind of you

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HadleyF · 23/05/2023 17:59

PatriciaHolm · 23/05/2023 17:57

Adored House of Glass.

With respect to the new book - do you have strategies in mind to address the related issues with your own children in time? At what age do you think it would be appropriate for them to read it?

Thank you so much @PatriciaHolm
Yes, that's a tough one. My oldest ones are seven so they have seen the book and asked what anorexia is, as it's on the cover. For the moment, I've said it's an illness I had when I was young. I've mentioned before to them that I was ill because they've asked me why my hair is so thin and patchy. But I haven't gone into more detail. I think when they're about 10 or so I'll talk about it a bit more, but it is something I wonder (and worry) about a lot

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GreenSalon · 23/05/2023 18:09

Love your writing! Are you finding it more difficult to stay on Twitter/SM generally or does it still serve a purpose for you?

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Zhx3 · 23/05/2023 18:11

Dd is interested in journalism as a possible career - what advice would you give her?

Thank you!

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Allezvite · 23/05/2023 18:12

Hi Hadley, I love your Times column and I am looking forward to reading your memoir. I am visiting a friend next week whose teenage daughter has anorexia, who is now making a slow recovery. I haven’t seen the family for a while.

Please can I ask, if there is anything you would advise saying or not saying to her? I’m worried about putting my foot in things. “You look well” is taken by some people to mean “you’ve put on weight” for example. Is it best to just avoid saying anything, even a positive comment, about her appearance or clothing etc as I might to any 17 year old family friend, or am I overthinking things?

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HadleyF · 23/05/2023 18:12

GreenSalon · 23/05/2023 18:09

Love your writing! Are you finding it more difficult to stay on Twitter/SM generally or does it still serve a purpose for you?

Thank you @GreenSalon !
It still, I'm afraid, serves a purpose for me, mainly in showing my stories I might otherwise miss, but also in providing some welcome procrastination occasionally. Procrastination gets a bad reputation but it's an invaluable part of my working day tbh. And no, I don't find it hard to stay on Twitter, mainly because I am very generous with the muting and blocking buttons.

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HadleyF · 23/05/2023 18:15

Zhx3 · 23/05/2023 18:11

Dd is interested in journalism as a possible career - what advice would you give her?

Thank you!

Oh dear @Zhx3 , I'd advise her to try something else!
But if she really is dead set on entering a profession that is in - at best - a state of managed decline, I'd advise her to do as much writing as she can. I'm guessing your daughter is still at school, so she should join her school paper, or start her own, if need be, and do the same at uni. It's the only way she'll know if she actually likes it, plus she'll have something to show future employers. Also to try all kinds of writing - news, features, interviews, sport, anything. And then apply for internships at newspapers and magazines when she's old enough.
But I really feel like I'm encouraging a bad habit here...

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HadleyF · 23/05/2023 18:18

Allezvite · 23/05/2023 18:12

Hi Hadley, I love your Times column and I am looking forward to reading your memoir. I am visiting a friend next week whose teenage daughter has anorexia, who is now making a slow recovery. I haven’t seen the family for a while.

Please can I ask, if there is anything you would advise saying or not saying to her? I’m worried about putting my foot in things. “You look well” is taken by some people to mean “you’ve put on weight” for example. Is it best to just avoid saying anything, even a positive comment, about her appearance or clothing etc as I might to any 17 year old family friend, or am I overthinking things?

Thanks so much @Allezvite
There's a chapter in my book about what to say and not say to an anorexic, that you might find helpful, called 'Anorexiaspeak.'
But in short, no, you're not overthinking it. Don't say anything about how they're looking, any positive comment - especially "you're looking well" - will be taken as "you're looking fat." No questions about food or weight either. You can ask her about what her days are like in hospital, has she read any good books, been able to watch any films - but talk also about what's going on in the outside world. If you have a daughter of the same age, you can mention what she's up to. It's good for her to know what she's missing out on by being ill. Just remember, you're not there to cure her, and chances are you will say something that she takes the wrong way. It's the nature of the illness. You're going to show her that she hasn't been forgotten, and she will appreciate that, even if she doesn't show it.

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Einevinefine · 23/05/2023 18:19

My daughter has had Anorexia for five years. She dropped out of University of Edinburgh (Philosophy). Not using the time to do anything but exercise behind a closed door. I can’t hear it as I’m deaf but feel the vibrations. You mentioned that you had the insight at a late stage in your illness that you didn’t want to be forever Anorexic. I’m scared that my daughter’s eating disorder will never end. I feel worn down. She won’t get involved with Mental Health Services and I can’t force it as she is over 18 yrs. I don’t know what to do next. Any ideas at all? I’m desperately desperate.

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YouTarzan · 23/05/2023 18:19

Just wanted to say how much I appreciate your being vocal re the trans debate - I’m sure it would have been easier in some ways to keep quiet, but it means a lot to see people brave enough to speak out.

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weebarra · 23/05/2023 18:20

Hi, I don't really have a question, but I wanted to say that I found House of Glass unputdownable.
Do you think the tide is turning in terms of gender ideology, and is trans a way of young women controlling their bodies in the same way that eating disorders can be?

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LoobyDop · 23/05/2023 18:21

No question, Hadley, just wanted to say your column in this week’s Sunday Times was fucking awesome, and it’s brilliant to see you unleashed. We always knew you were one of us. Nolite te bastardes carborundorum!

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Allezvite · 23/05/2023 18:21

Thank you! I am going to make sure to read your book before we visit.

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SwattyPie · 23/05/2023 18:22

I haven't read your book yet, (sorry, just ordered it today), but I am the mum tona teenage girl recovering from anorexia. We're about 8 months in and she is trying hard, but we've just returned from a camhs appt and although they don't discuss weight, they are happy for her to go 2 weeks before they see her again. Her mood has plummeted - what can I say that won't make it worse? We both know she must have gained something this week 🤞🏻

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puffinstealer · 23/05/2023 18:22

Thank you for all your wonderful writing and also for being so brave in current times. You were always the best thing about the Guardian and I will not be the only person who cancelled their subscription when you left.

A more lighthearted one from me - what book do you wish you had written?

And what are you reading at the moment?

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SunnyEgg · 23/05/2023 18:22

I remember reading your articles in 10 magazine so many years ago. One of the few fashion writers that were interesting, sharp and fashion-y. I bought it for the imagery but I remembered your writing

I now appreciate your stance on gender ideology and women’s rights.

It’s great to have someone batting for us on this

Can’t quite think of a question but will muse on it..

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HadleyF · 23/05/2023 18:26

Einevinefine · 23/05/2023 18:19

My daughter has had Anorexia for five years. She dropped out of University of Edinburgh (Philosophy). Not using the time to do anything but exercise behind a closed door. I can’t hear it as I’m deaf but feel the vibrations. You mentioned that you had the insight at a late stage in your illness that you didn’t want to be forever Anorexic. I’m scared that my daughter’s eating disorder will never end. I feel worn down. She won’t get involved with Mental Health Services and I can’t force it as she is over 18 yrs. I don’t know what to do next. Any ideas at all? I’m desperately desperate.

I am so sorry @Einevinefine for what you and your daughter are going through. You are both in a living hell.
Is she under any medical supervision at all? And is she dangerously underweight? Because if she is a danger to herself, which it sounds like she is, medical services can intervene. If her weight is so low that her brain isn't functioning properly, it's impossible to talk to her. But if she is able to engage with you, I always advise parents to talk to the anorexic about what they're missing out on by being ill. Try to persuade her to do things with you out of the house, even if it's just a trip to the park or the cinema, anything to show her that the world is not anorexia, but also that if she doesn't get herself together, she will waste her life on anorexia. I only got my insight when I saw a woman 15 years older than me crying over butter, and I realised I did not want that to be my life; I know other girls who got better when nurses told them about what fun things they did over the weekend. The anorexic needs to be coaxed up out of the ocean of illness and have a gasp of air.
But I really feel very strongly that you shouldn't be going through this on your own - you need professional help. Can you persuade her to see a therapist? She doesn't want her life to be like this forever, even if she says she does.
Good luck, I'll be thinking of you x

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AutumnCrow · 23/05/2023 18:26

Were you aware that you had a lot of admirers on Mumsnet's feminism board? (The feminism: sex & gender discussion one.) Grin

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HadleyF · 23/05/2023 18:27

YouTarzan · 23/05/2023 18:19

Just wanted to say how much I appreciate your being vocal re the trans debate - I’m sure it would have been easier in some ways to keep quiet, but it means a lot to see people brave enough to speak out.

Thank you @YouTarzan that's very kind of you. It doesn't feel brave, tbh. It just feels like stating the bleeding obvious

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HadleyF · 23/05/2023 18:29

weebarra · 23/05/2023 18:20

Hi, I don't really have a question, but I wanted to say that I found House of Glass unputdownable.
Do you think the tide is turning in terms of gender ideology, and is trans a way of young women controlling their bodies in the same way that eating disorders can be?

Thank you @weebarra I really appreciate that.
Yes, I do think things are changing a little in that more organisations, such as sports ones, are rejecting the illogical extremes of gender ideology, and the Cass Report is huge, of course. And yes, I do think the disproportionate number of teenage girls expressing gender dysphoria is very telling that there's a crossover with anorexia in particular. There is a section in my book on this, which includes interviews with 2 doctors former with GIDS

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