Ex stripper/webcam worker, also been a honey trap

[Stripperyone]

I stopped stripping due to the pandemic but have done two nights since, recently. I missed it.
In light of recent threads wondered if anyone had any questions.
:)

[NameChangeDay]

Sent you a PM, hope that's OK!

[Gingerkittykat]

What was it like being a honey trap?

Did the men you met pass the test?

[Stripperyone]

@Gingerkittykat

What was it like being a honey trap?

Did the men you met pass the test?

I am glad I noticed a response as It's an old thread!

It was somewhat nerve-wracking for me as, although I am not a bad 'actress' I always felt they'd somehow know, I'd look out of place or it would be obvious I wasn't genuine.

I'd say it was about 50/50. Some of the 'assignments' I wasn't very comfortable with. For example, some women would have the 'test' as 'he takes her (my) phone number'.

Personally, even though I am in a relationship I may take a phone number if offered it, to get out of a potential 'situation'. And then I'd chuck it, or just never look at or acknowledge it again. It doesn't necessarily mean someone is an outright cheat?

And you'd have to be careful. Other assignments could be something such as 'he agrees to meet you in your hotel room'. And I may be in a hotel with a bar, and I'd have to make sure I had an excuse to get away, discreetly, to my car or away from the area without foiling the actual situation.

It was mostly quite easy money though, and I do like the genuine assignments where I managed to expose a real cheat, and save someone from marrying the wrong type or having someone cheat on them with someone who wasn't a trap.

[morninginging]

Genuinely, do you think decent, non-sexist men visit strip Clubs (except maybe on a peer pressured stag night). Single or attached. Does it matter?

[custardbear]

What percentage of people do the job because they want to, or because they have no choice?
Do you get targeted by pimp-types?

[QuandaleDingle]

Place marking as this is fascinating! Will have a think of some questions

[Stripperyone]

@morninginging yes, surprisingly I actually do. I've met some really nice men, three of whom I class as dear friends ,who have met my family etc.


I cannot really explain it. One of them credits me with stopping him from taking his own life and getting him over depression. He'd often ask me to stay dressed and we'd just talk. I've given him lifts home, he rings me regularly just to have a chat.

He adores his wife and daughters. I realise that to many, he cannot possibly, as he visited strip clubs, but he really does seem to.

He was a regular of mine. He's also the first person I confided in about something I was going through. We meet for dinner/drinks regularly. Not much about me he doesn't know. 'Normal', relatively wealthy professional guy.


I think some men perhaps do not see the strippers as objects and do not consider that the whole industry is a product of objectification. They simply go in for a bit of a 'different' night out. Some others are lonely and want female company and think strippers will talk to them as they 'have to' but darent ever approach a woman IRL. I've had a lot of clients like that as I love a good conversation/debate!

As to whether it matters, I don't know. I guess it depends on a myriad of factors including the general state of the marriage/relationship. But as to whether I think all men who frequent strip clubs are massive misogynists, based on my own experience, no I really do not believe they are and I know a good handful who (beyond general indoctrination that I think all men can be guilty of) are definitely not.

@custardbear pimps-no. I've never been targetted nor known any stripper who's been targetted by a 'bona fide' pimp, however there is a lot of 'pimpish' behaviour with boyfriends so I observed. Not working, not being happy if she doesn't make much money one night, a lot of general bad behaviour. I've had a lot of colleagues come and confide in me about things like that.

Percentage is difficult. Choice or lack of choice, you could say some of the single mothers who work as strippers when their ex has their children have a choice, get a weekend job at a supermarket etc or strip-one is hard work, tiring, lower paid, boring? In comparison for earning money while on something of a night out, being admired, free drinks, a lot MORE money. But that lack of choices is paramount, why were her ambitions stifled, what kind of background does she come from? What made it her best option? Poverty/misogyny ?

I am not judging-if a woman decided that she wanted to be a SAHM and then was attracted to stripping on a Saturday night to satisfy her own needs, for any reason, that's a bit different? And I did meet women like that.

It is also sort of addictive, if you like it. You miss the atmosphere, the other women, the talking to lots of different people, being on stage. It fulfils something in me definitely. I think, had I known myself better younger, I may have gone into the performing arts and stripping kind of satisfies that for me.

[TheRealKatnissEverdeen]

And there was me asking for you to do an AMA!

Permission to ask questions relating to the cocaine thread?

[Stripperyone]

@TheRealKatnissEverdeen

And there was me asking for you to do an AMA!

Permission to ask questions relating to the cocaine thread?

Yes of course. I know some don't but if I say AMA, I mean AMA 🙂

[TheRealKatnissEverdeen]

Brilliant!

So would the guy or gal just whip out the coke and sprinkle it over you and snort?
Were you on a table surrounded by £50 notes 😁

Do you keep yourself in shape for stripping?

What made you believe you'd be good at it?

[Ormally]

Your post of 16:41 has given me loads to muse on. Very interesting.

[Trennton]

How common is it for a stripper to be propositioned by a man while working and to agree to sex for money? Either at the club or on a private basis?

[nevermindtherind]

@Stripperyone

@morninginging yes, surprisingly I actually do. I've met some really nice men, three of whom I class as dear friends ,who have met my family etc.


I cannot really explain it. One of them credits me with stopping him from taking his own life and getting him over depression. He'd often ask me to stay dressed and we'd just talk. I've given him lifts home, he rings me regularly just to have a chat.

He adores his wife and daughters. I realise that to many, he cannot possibly, as he visited strip clubs, but he really does seem to.

He was a regular of mine. He's also the first person I confided in about something I was going through. We meet for dinner/drinks regularly. Not much about me he doesn't know. 'Normal', relatively wealthy professional guy.


I think some men perhaps do not see the strippers as objects and do not consider that the whole industry is a product of objectification. They simply go in for a bit of a 'different' night out. Some others are lonely and want female company and think strippers will talk to them as they 'have to' but darent ever approach a woman IRL. I've had a lot of clients like that as I love a good conversation/debate!

As to whether it matters, I don't know. I guess it depends on a myriad of factors including the general state of the marriage/relationship. But as to whether I think all men who frequent strip clubs are massive misogynists, based on my own experience, no I really do not believe they are and I know a good handful who (beyond general indoctrination that I think all men can be guilty of) are definitely not.

@custardbear pimps-no. I've never been targetted nor known any stripper who's been targetted by a 'bona fide' pimp, however there is a lot of 'pimpish' behaviour with boyfriends so I observed. Not working, not being happy if she doesn't make much money one night, a lot of general bad behaviour. I've had a lot of colleagues come and confide in me about things like that.

Percentage is difficult. Choice or lack of choice, you could say some of the single mothers who work as strippers when their ex has their children have a choice, get a weekend job at a supermarket etc or strip-one is hard work, tiring, lower paid, boring? In comparison for earning money while on something of a night out, being admired, free drinks, a lot MORE money. But that lack of choices is paramount, why were her ambitions stifled, what kind of background does she come from? What made it her best option? Poverty/misogyny ?

I am not judging-if a woman decided that she wanted to be a SAHM and then was attracted to stripping on a Saturday night to satisfy her own needs, for any reason, that's a bit different? And I did meet women like that.

It is also sort of addictive, if you like it. You miss the atmosphere, the other women, the talking to lots of different people, being on stage. It fulfils something in me definitely. I think, had I known myself better younger, I may have gone into the performing arts and stripping kind of satisfies that for me.

Wow thanks was disappointed you never came back as thought the thread would be useful/informative. I'll think about what you said.

I have nothing against the women but think the men that use lap dancing clubs and prostitutes (I know they're different with some overlap of course) are sleazy. I also struggle as I know my partner used to go to one many years ago - pre me. I struggle with this, not out of jealousy before anyone says that (maybe a tiny bit is that), but because I think it says something about a man's attitude to women.

However I accept your experience and so I'll think about it. Got lots of questions but will see how the thread goes! Thanks.

[nevermindtherind]

The honey trap thing is fascinating too!! Sort of like a PI!

[riotlady]

How did the honey trap job work? I didn’t know this was a thing outside of movies! Did you advertise online? Was it always women who were suspicious of their husbands or were there any other jobs?

[Stripperyone]

@Trennton

How common is it for a stripper to be propositioned by a man while working and to agree to sex for money? Either at the club or on a private basis?

I think (like cocaine) if that goes on (and I am sure it does!) It's something that the ones who do/have done it, probably wouldn't disclose it to those who they know don't and suspect never would? So I doubt I'd have been privy to it. Having said that I know one of my closest stripper friends has done it, but it wasn't really a club customer thing. They went on a few dates, she wasn't into him and then he offered her (a sizeable amount of) money for sex (and probably cocaine) in a hotel room. She isn't mentally scarred by it, saw it as just a 'date' but getting paid.

[Stripperyone]

@nevermindtherind sorry for not coming back for so long! You're welcome I know it isn't me who's meant to be asking but what would you be jealous, of?
Some of them are definitely sleazy, don't get me wrong. But I don't think It's a direct correlation. Strippers are by nature (at least those who stay in the job) bubbly,interesting and a lot of fun and customers know they'll have a good time, I think that's a lot to do with it much of the time.

[Stripperyone]

@TheRealKatnissEverdeen No, they'd always ask. Usually start by offering me it (always a no as I've said) and then quite often they'd ask if they can snort it off me, sometimes specifying where!

I'd need extra £ for that. It obviously is something you can't be caught doing so It's risky, you risk a fine for it in most clubs or at least the ones I worked in.

I am not and never have been in 'tip top' shape. I am an apple, I naturally put on weight around my belly. I'm fairly toned of limb as I've always liked to exercise. I guess stripping did help me not overeat, as I'd feel more self-conscious if I was feeling heavier, when I danced. A lot of strippers don't have anything like perfect bodies though. I've seen women of all shapes and sizes be successful.

I wasn't sure I would be good at it! I am just fairly determined once I start doing something. I liked the idea of it & I wanted to see if I could do it-I was sort of fascinated with it. And I'd go in for a drink sometimes and was always encouraged to give it a go and I just did. It took me a while, like in most jobs/hobbies/new activities to find my 'muse' and learn what worked and didn't work for me and which customers were not only likely to spend, but more likely to spend on me. I didn't always get it right nonetheless!

I will come back to the thread later, won't forget about it this time :)

[nevermindtherind]

@Stripperyone

@nevermindtherind sorry for not coming back for so long! You're welcome I know it isn't me who's meant to be asking but what would you be jealous, of?
Some of them are definitely sleazy, don't get me wrong. But I don't think It's a direct correlation. Strippers are by nature (at least those who stay in the job) bubbly,interesting and a lot of fun and customers know they'll have a good time, I think that's a lot to do with it much of the time.

Yes I find it hard to think a married man with kids can really adore his family life/wife and then visit strip clubs. I find it disrespectful and entitled. I suppose that is because I think the whole industry is not a positive force for women in society.

That's not a criticism of you! I imagine the money is good, you obviously enjoyed it, and also must not agree re the industry. I'm fascinated to talk to you about it.

Obviously if my partner went now I think I would be jealous - it would be an absolute deal breaker for me. Not just because of jealousy, but because I don't want to be with a man who thinks the whole concept is okay, or at least indulges in it!

I accept that every man who goes is not a massive misogynist. Maybe not misogynist, but sexist... as in surely the whole industry enforces some of our issues as women. That men are entitled to womens bodies, and they can pay to access them (or even look and not touch). I've never been but it all feels really grim and a bit regressive, socially.

I have issues with the fact that my partner went in the past years before he met me. Not just a couple of times either (could cope with that). I think - apart from it making me a bit insecure - it's because I can't imagine him there. Some men yes, but the fact it seems so unlike him makes me feel uneasy as I feel I don't really know him. Who he is with his mates, how he talks about women and their bodies etc. He seems really "right on", apart from this aspect of him.

You asked why I feel jealous. I would have thought many women would be the same. Not all I know, and I know some women go to these places! I suppose it makes me think that he is actively seeking out hot bodies to letch over/grind against. Not thinking someone is attractive or hot in the street etc. even fancying celebrities or even porn (don't like that either but at least, historically, that was more remote, not now with cams etc). I suppose it makes me think he is the type of man that needs to do this, to see young women naked and dancing, and ultimately, pretending, for him. Which, doesn't make me feel particularly confident about his character. Can you understand that? It's really interesting to hear things from the other side. 😊

[Stripperyone]

I understand that. I guess in this customer's case, he was in a bad place (not to do with his marriage) when he first began going in. Often people go in strip clubs (or at least did in those times) because they'd be the only place open and/or that wasn't packed! Similar reasons to why he did.
Sometimes this sort of thing happens and strippers then hound them for a dance. I am being honest when I say I have never been the sort of stripper to do that. I don't feel right trying to persuade someone who I know really doesn't want to, & it doesn't feel comfortable. I may ask, but if It's a no I accept it. I then might finish my drink with them if not much else is going on, and sometimes they get to know me a bit and change their mind. If other customers are available I'll just move on.

An anomalous story about the customer (X) I mention is, he told a friend of his he was going to the club often and told him about me and how much he felt better after spending time with me. Said friend proceeded to come in one night, pick me as the one from friend/X's description and spent some time just talking to me. He then bought a VIP dance and told me he knew X. After the dance he told me he'd come in to warn me off, for taking advantage of X's vulnerability and the bad place he was in, he'd decided I was a money-grabbing hussy who just wanted his money but having spoken to me, he understood and had decided I was good for X. He became a regular of mine too.

I know what you mean. Sometimes, I think they don't even think about the concept. Especially when alcohol is involved-not an excuse of course. Also unfortunately some men (as I mentioned above with internalised misogyny) they just don't think about it. Not an excuse, they should! Same sort of thing as (for example) a male friend recently asked why I didn't go to my local pub on NYE and I said nobody was available to walk me there-he actually admitted that he'd never thought about that as he never (as a man) had had that problem.

I agree, I kind of wish they didn't exist in the first place because of that regression/sexism. It makes me feel a bit hypocritical as they helped me explore a side of me that I loved, because they do exist.

Yes, it seems you have an 'image' of what kind of man goes in strip clubs (similarly to what you said, this definitely isn't a criticism either!) and your DH just isn't fitting with that image. I am trying to think about if I have anything similar with my partner and I do, things she's done in her past that I just cannot envision her doing! It makes sense.

Has your DH said anything about the 'whys' as to why he used to do it?
That might help me understand.

One thing I will say though is I've worked in a LOT of clubs, from the down and out privately owned dingy back street ones to the famous, plush, 'top-end' ones and a lot of women who work in them and are successful are not that young, nor are a lot of them stereotypically 'hot bodied'!

Did it perhaps fulfil his wanting to have female attention without much effort, and now he has you that just isn't something he wants any longer?

[nevermindtherind]

@Stripperyone

I understand that. I guess in this customer's case, he was in a bad place (not to do with his marriage) when he first began going in. Often people go in strip clubs (or at least did in those times) because they'd be the only place open and/or that wasn't packed! Similar reasons to why he did.
Sometimes this sort of thing happens and strippers then hound them for a dance. I am being honest when I say I have never been the sort of stripper to do that. I don't feel right trying to persuade someone who I know really doesn't want to, & it doesn't feel comfortable. I may ask, but if It's a no I accept it. I then might finish my drink with them if not much else is going on, and sometimes they get to know me a bit and change their mind. If other customers are available I'll just move on.

An anomalous story about the customer (X) I mention is, he told a friend of his he was going to the club often and told him about me and how much he felt better after spending time with me. Said friend proceeded to come in one night, pick me as the one from friend/X's description and spent some time just talking to me. He then bought a VIP dance and told me he knew X. After the dance he told me he'd come in to warn me off, for taking advantage of X's vulnerability and the bad place he was in, he'd decided I was a money-grabbing hussy who just wanted his money but having spoken to me, he understood and had decided I was good for X. He became a regular of mine too.

I know what you mean. Sometimes, I think they don't even think about the concept. Especially when alcohol is involved-not an excuse of course. Also unfortunately some men (as I mentioned above with internalised misogyny) they just don't think about it. Not an excuse, they should! Same sort of thing as (for example) a male friend recently asked why I didn't go to my local pub on NYE and I said nobody was available to walk me there-he actually admitted that he'd never thought about that as he never (as a man) had had that problem.

I agree, I kind of wish they didn't exist in the first place because of that regression/sexism. It makes me feel a bit hypocritical as they helped me explore a side of me that I loved, because they do exist.

Yes, it seems you have an 'image' of what kind of man goes in strip clubs (similarly to what you said, this definitely isn't a criticism either!) and your DH just isn't fitting with that image. I am trying to think about if I have anything similar with my partner and I do, things she's done in her past that I just cannot envision her doing! It makes sense.

Has your DH said anything about the 'whys' as to why he used to do it?
That might help me understand.

One thing I will say though is I've worked in a LOT of clubs, from the down and out privately owned dingy back street ones to the famous, plush, 'top-end' ones and a lot of women who work in them and are successful are not that young, nor are a lot of them stereotypically 'hot bodied'!

Did it perhaps fulfil his wanting to have female attention without much effort, and now he has you that just isn't something he wants any longer?

Really interesting. Do you mind if I PM you a reply (and maybe if it's ok, some more questions ) as some of my replies are likely to be identifiable!!

[Stripperyone]

Yes it is fine to pm me :)

[QueefQueen80s]

@nevermindtherind Spot on and how most women would feel. I couldn't be with someone, or even have a male friend who thought this was okay.
It's so regressive like you say.. while the rest of the modern world is trying to be so progressive with women. Yet there are places where men go and pay to access womens bodies still.

[FeelinSpendy]

Your answers are really interesting and give a different perspective.
I’ve heard a number of times in the past that some men pay for dances (and more) in order to have someone to talk to but I was a bit sceptical as to whether that was true.
After reading your replies, I now wonder whether that type of man goes to strip clubs as they need someone to talk to and they would prefer to go to a strip club rather than a therapist. They may not even think about it in that way but, essentially, if they are paying to talk to someone and feel it’s confidential then it’s performing a similar function to therapy. For many men who would never admit to needing therapy or feel it’s ‘unmanly’ to talk about their feelings with friends, family or professionals, it is probably very socially acceptable to go to a strip club.
Unfortunately though, I suspect a large majority of customers are still misogynistic arseholes who just see women as property and strip clubs do help to reinforce that belief. The women working there may feel empowered as they call the shots and are being paid a lot more than they could earn elsewhere, but the men paying them are not applying any critical thinking and think that if they are paying then they have the power. Ultimately, that affects how they treat and think about women in their day to day lives and impacts on all of us.
I don’t judge women who choose to strip as they may as well take advantage of the situation, but I am sad and disappointed that we are still in a society which makes this an attractive career option for women and that so many men who would describe themselves as believing in equality think it’s ok to go to strip clubs and objectify women.

[nevermindtherind]

@FeelinSpendy

Your answers are really interesting and give a different perspective.
I’ve heard a number of times in the past that some men pay for dances (and more) in order to have someone to talk to but I was a bit sceptical as to whether that was true.
After reading your replies, I now wonder whether that type of man goes to strip clubs as they need someone to talk to and they would prefer to go to a strip club rather than a therapist. They may not even think about it in that way but, essentially, if they are paying to talk to someone and feel it’s confidential then it’s performing a similar function to therapy. For many men who would never admit to needing therapy or feel it’s ‘unmanly’ to talk about their feelings with friends, family or professionals, it is probably very socially acceptable to go to a strip club.
Unfortunately though, I suspect a large majority of customers are still misogynistic arseholes who just see women as property and strip clubs do help to reinforce that belief. The women working there may feel empowered as they call the shots and are being paid a lot more than they could earn elsewhere, but the men paying them are not applying any critical thinking and think that if they are paying then they have the power. Ultimately, that affects how they treat and think about women in their day to day lives and impacts on all of us.
I don’t judge women who choose to strip as they may as well take advantage of the situation, but I am sad and disappointed that we are still in a society which makes this an attractive career option for women and that so many men who would describe themselves as believing in equality think it’s ok to go to strip clubs and objectify women.

This.

Yes I've always felt it odd we could think that they leave that attitude at the strip clinic door. If it's not ok to objectify and degrade and leer in public, then why is it ok in a club in the high street if you pay for the privilege to act this out. Cannot get my head around how anyone - man or woman - could think this model was harmless. I accept that for individual women such as the OP (and I do think I and others need to respect and listen to others who disagree over types of sex work) it might empower through money or enjoyment, but it's the deeper meaning I suppose for all men and women.

I think, this is the crux. For some men and women, it has no deeper/further meaning. It's a bit of fun and is available so why not (either do it and get good money - fair play - or go in and have fun as it's legal and broadly acceptable). Then for some others - me included - it has more meaning, relates to society and its historical oppression of women, is a grim reflection on womens status when in our high streets. Is something I have to try to explain to my son and daughter - and I can't. I wonder if it is just core opinions on sex work and that most people are unlikely to ever change their minds. I have every respect for the women doing it, find it fascinating in some ways and am really keen to hear how different people think and consider this type of thing, generally, as a modern phenomenon.