I grew up in a warzone - Ask Me Anything

[ILoveHumanity]

Hi all,

So I came to this country in my mid-teens, however I had grown up in a warzone. Have a couple of friends who had their fathers shot dead. Have relatives that went missing. Family members that were tortured and when found were mentally unwell and almost like strangers.. Grew up around refugees.. Became a worker with refugees after I graduated..

Personally lived in fear for almost 4 years, as raping me was a threat to a family member that wouldnt complyt.. I received a phone call at the age of 9 from a stranger threatening towards my parents. My father was abused... (dont want to go into this). Im a practicing muslim. I am british dual national, and that didnt matter at the time because I wasnt living in England.

When I grew older I went to work with Syrian Refugees and Palestinian refugees and it helped me resolve internal issues..

My background has motivated me in life to seek justice and call for it.

Ask me anything.

[ILoveHumanity]

Bump

[MiggledyHiggins]

Would you be willing to share what part of the world that was in?

[ILoveHumanity]

My grandfather is Palestinian, and my parents are from another part of the Levant which I feel scared to expose ;).

[MiggledyHiggins]

Are all your family safe now or are there some still there that you would be worried about?

[ILoveHumanity]

I personally am safe , but not all my family members are safe no and their situation is better based on the fact that they gave in and living life by the day .. but yes I worry sick about them.

I’m in England But close family members aren’t.. but aren’t being tortured anymore, but I live in anxiety at times that for no reason they could be dragged back to be tortured and would hate for it to be because of anything I said ( I.e. exposed people so on )..

[ILoveHumanity]

Also some of my family members developed mental health issues due to the continued abuse of human rights against them. I struggle to make sense of things some times. Yet I don’t feel I can get help for it because I feel like I have grown to feel like talking will endanger my family.

It has however made me empathise with everyone else on this planet that has it really hard

[juneau]

What's your view on the fact that so many migrants/refugees that arrive in Europe are fit, young men i.e. the opposite of what most people would term as 'vulnerable' people? Do you think this has helped to turn public opinion against those genuinely escaping conflict?

[MiggledyHiggins]

That sounds very stressful

[ILoveHumanity]

Juneau interesting question, it is a bit difficult to answer this . Because many men are young and fit to work, yet might be in extremely desperate situations back home. So can’t be judged. Usually being a man who is fit and employable in a British sense, doesn’t mean they’re not vulnerable in another community because of war. I think it should be assessed on a case by case bases but then again it is very difficult for them to prove themselves.

I do know a man - not related to me- who is a Palestinian refugee living in UN camps, and had escaped his way into Europe even though he wasn’t technically being attacked and his life wasn’t under threat.. I got annoyed at first.. but then again, he is very much lifeless, has no rights in the country he lives in, no opportunities, no hopes ... he was desperate enough to still be happy even when put in a cellar for god knows how long.. to risk drowning .. to risk not seeing his family for decades .. his mother dying without seeing him. He was desperate for his rights .

But I do think they are ruining it for those in worse situations than them because of public opinion. But I can’t say I judge them

[ILoveHumanity]

I can’t blame them for trying to make their situation better... desperately.. but o can’t blame the Uk for wanting to choose only those who are in life threatening conditions either. But those men aren’t to blame in my opinion, they’re humans, looking for rights.. and it’s no surprise that they can’t put the needs of others before theirs , desperate people don’t do that.

However I didn’t come to England as a migrant. I am British. And was born British.

[juneau]

My question was because of your work, sorry, not your own status. And I'm sorry you had such a miserable four years of your life. Overcoming that must be something that will always be a work in progress. I'm really sorry about what happened to your dad - that must be very hard knowledge to live with. Thanks for the thoughtful answer to my question.

[ILoveHumanity]

Juneau thanks for clarifying :).

I do feel it’s work in progress. And it’s a huge huge part of my identity, morals and motivation in life. I feel extremely sensitive to lack of justice , to a point where it feels very personal.

I am an academic and have always been an over achiever , mainly because studying was my distraction. Now that I have a child and staying at home, I’m trying to make sense of things again and trying to find something that makes me feel like I’m doing something for those silent souls that are in the shoes that I once was.

I feel useless when I sit and watch. I know everyone does, but to me, it consumes me.. it’s like I have failed my inner child , does that make sense ?

[ILoveHumanity]

I often feel like a burden, feel like I cannot share with my friends my background and my family circumstances because it almost hard to comprehend .. even to me.

I feel like I need to turn this into a positive energy to change the world .. but I feel like I sound crazy to the rest of the world because it almost to them sounds like I think too much of myself ... or expect too much of myself

But in reality... I just am desperate to give some validity to my past and slightly my present too... to make it worthwhile... I want to feel like I went through what I went through so that I could add some benefit to the planet. Hope I make sense.

Sometimes I see it as a strength. Sometimes I think maybe I need to be treated emotionally for ptsd. Because I do get a huge adrenaline rush and gush of tears ...

Last when I had exams and I heard of an attack close t my hometown.. I had exams in one of the best unis in England .. I spend the whole week crying and trying to control my inner anger.. trying to convince myself I’m gonna one day change the world ...

Yet my adrenaline rush made me focused so hard on exams and I did so well ...

But sometimes I wonder whether that’s a healthy way to be as an adult now ... for emotions to be so out of control. To carry the burdens on the planet till it eats me alive .

But I feel it’s too selfish to not want to do something , when I was privileged enough to escape what used to be the worse situation I could ever think of .

I also grew to completely love the British society for the help and support I got when I came here.. I was British but had never lived here... I found the humanity in people sooo inspiring .. it made me more desperate to want other kids like me experience those normal feelings of being loved and accepted...

I pray I start a trust one day for the vulnerable .. I just can’t look myself in the mirror if I don’t utilise my inner desperation to do something good.

Rant over lol

[nuttynutjob]

Have or will you consider therapy?

There is a study that trauma from the Holocaust can be passed on to the offspring.

Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) are a significant risk factor for substance use disorders and can impact prevention efforts.

I wish you all the best.

[ILoveHumanity]

Nutty.. I have considered therapy, but I often feel like the therapist will think I’m crazy because he wouldn’t know the context of where I have been and come from.

I feel my best therapy is when I talk to peoooe who have been through something similar .

I often think to myself “ how will they know to judge when they had such a simple life”.

Maybe I’m ignorant in that sense

[LaMainDeFatima]

Well done to you for being brave: I don’t think many people could cope with what you have been through and others are still going through today.

What do you think is the best way to support people in Palestine?

[ILoveHumanity]

Fatima Thanks :)

I dont think I can speak on behalf of palesininan kids because my maternal grandfther is an exiled palestininan(hence the british nationality and immigration) but my father is from a nearby country, i didnt actually live in palestine. I did howveer experience something similar.

I can speak just as of my opinion: I think the best you can ddo is be a good human being and spread morals of humanity. Which to me is the real solution for the problem and not just tackling the symptoms.

Yes sending charitable donations is good, speaking up against oppression is good, calling for justice is good, spreading awareness is essential.

Spreading humanity and teaching its values is the most eessential.living by it is more essential. Teaching our kids to be diverse, appreciate othhers, respect the vulnerable.. in my opinion is tackling the real issue. What do you think?

to do the best at what God made yu good at, be kind and humane in how you go about your day to day life, be mindful of morals even when no one is noticing... That is how everyone will make a small differnence until it is significant to be felt.

Until then, patience is key as it seems .. and painful one

[Bingpot]

Sorry are you implying that Palestinians live in fear of rape and torture from the Israelis? Because I don't think that's correct.

[Bingpot]

Also, I'm curious, if you were born British, how did you end up living in a war zone?

[ILoveHumanity]

Bingpot I do not want this to turn into a political discussion which is why i am not mentioning the specific countries involved.

As for your second question, one of my parents is british and one isnt.. the one that isnt went there to be near his parents and then we got stuck there for personal reasons. I was born in england but went to my other national country as a toddler.. We got stuck their due to situations that i wont disclose.

I sense you dont want to beleive me though, so my answer is just for those that want to read.

I did state that i didnt actually grow up in palestine. And if you are implying that my story of rape threats is a lie, then I dont think you are correct for this thread

[rosamacrose]

Oh dear. This is such a heartfelt post, so outside of my experience and knowledge.
However, a post that starts with sorry usually leads to recriminations.
Ilovehumanity I admire your strength, so much.
I am sorry for our world.
Keep believing in the good in mankind.

[ILoveHumanity]

sorry for the typos im sleep deprived

[rosamacrose]

Ilovehumanity never mind your typos. You seem like a person who loves humanity and you've given us us a better understanding.

[ILoveHumanity]

Thank you Rosa , you are very sweet. Nothing is outside of your experience and knowledge, humanity knows the language of humanity :). Thanks everyone.

I was wondering wether anyone is curious to find out more about the circumstances of people I worked with recently, especially the kids.. so on. Since I worked with them back in that region.

Didnt want to sound like im asking for sympathy and all, as I dont feel like I should be taking attention away from the people are are still in this situuation, but rather raise some awareness.

I guess I feel like I wanna raise a bit of awareness.

[InionEile]

Sad to see your thread hasn't got more attention when the footballer's wife AMA went into pages and pages.

I'm sorry to hear about your traumatic childhood experiences and how they have affected you and your family long-term. At the same time, I think it's admirable that you are channeling your own trauma into helping others who are now in the same situation as you.

What, in your view, most helps someone adjust to peacetime life, when they have grown up with threats and fears around them every day as a child?

I often think when I see children in the crowds of refugees fleeing war how many generations it'll take for the children who experience these traumatic events to overcome what they've grown up with so their children and grandchildren can live normal lives.

There have been studies showing that the Holocaust had an impact on survivors into the third generations so even grandchildren of survivors had higher rates of anxiety and depression than the average population. It is certainly true from the people I know who have these issues in their family history.

Do you think counseling or therapy can help traumatized people recover?