Thanks Dervel I agree. I am also a survivor and I often find myself saying this when I am taking about it. I do some public speaking on the subject and also often one to one, as I wrote a book and so get a lot of contacts from people asking questions.
Men generally and male survivors specifically need ways of discussing and describing the male experience of sexual abuse and assault in ways that are not motivated by or primarily focussed on belittling feminists and introducing whataboutery to stories of women's experience. A reality based analysis is enormously important in all discussions of sexual violence.
I've shared panels with, for example a high profile male survivor of catholic clerical rape. So many differences between his experience and more. Equally, though I've never met one, a male survivor or female survivor of abuse by a female would have completely different things to say. there is room for all these stories.
What there is not room for is an ideologically motivated exaggeration of any given situation. Unfortunately women do not need to exaggerate about rape and sexual assault and under reporting is a big problem, I'm sure its as big a problem as it is for male victims of sexual abuse by females because of all the emails and letters and tweets I get from people who have not reported. I have never had a contact from a person who was abused by a woman. This doest mean it doesn't happen but it might indicate something about the frequency with which it happens perhaps.
I'm also very worried about statistics which now include trans women as female perpetrators because this will skew the statistics sharply. Unfortunately, whether people like to hear it or not, serial or repeat sex offenders, the type of people sometimes called predatory men, are likely to have a range of paraphilia and one of these can be cross dressing for an erotic charge. Whether this means they are "really" trans or not is impossible to say but it is a fact that must be faced and somethings that the prison and probation service are aware of and concerned about.
Finally I want to say that when I wrote my book there were no UK statistics that showed both the sex of the perpetrator and the sex of the victim with any reliability. I had to make my own notes and cross reference between tables and between sources to work it out. Karen Ingala Smith is helping to get the femicide figures more accurate but we desperately need better, detailed research in this.
However, though it was sometimes difficult to tell the sex of victims and perpetrators in crime statistics because gender neutral language such as intimate partner violence is used, it is abundantly clear that the scale and severity of violence committed by male perpetrators is a tsunami compared to the shallow stream of comparable female crime EVEN if we allow for underreporting. Both areas are underreported so even VAST underreporting on the part of male victims would be unlikely to affect the figures. For example, to my surprise I found that violence against the person was the most common female crime (I had expected theft) 81,410 females were arrested for this offence in 2011.
When you compare this with the 375, 317 males that were arrested, and consider that women make up half the population you can see a problem with trying to make out that violence is all equal. If we then compare the severity of the violence, so fatal violence for example, 210 suspects in homicides were male and 25 were female. 98.2 percent of all sexual offences were committed by males.
Refusing to face these facts helps no one.