Breastfeeding in Public

[callmewhatever]

Hi everyone, I apologise if this is listed in the wrong forum, I couldn't decide between this or aibu! Sorry but it's a long one.

I appreciate this topic has been done to death but I wanted to tell you this and gauge opinion.

My dw met a friend today, the topic of bf came up where by said friend mentioned to dw that one of her other (male) friends, let's call him Tom, had said that woman shouldn't bf in public, my dw pointed out that she had bf our dd in front of Tom before and my dw friend said that was the reason Tom had brought it up with her. Now a few months ago we were at dw friends garden party and Tom was there, this is where my wife bf in front of him. She used a cover, so didn't have everything hanging out but Tom told dw friend that he had felt uncomfortable and that dw should have gone to the bathroom or inside the house as it would have only taken a couple of minutes (he has no dc so has no idea) and it made him feel uncomfortable!

Dw was only told today and she mentioned it to me, it has really annoyed both of us. It is almost like he feels his comfort level comes above that of a woman and that of a hungry baby. Why should a woman who is comfortable enough to bf in public be made to feed her baby elsewhere due to someone else feeling uncomfortable with the idea?! I want to mention it to him if I ever meet him again, what annoys me most is the fact that he is a lawyer. How can someone think like this when it is illegal for businesses to ask a woman not to breastfeed in public? (this was dw friends house, so I would expect even more understanding)

For the record I am a long time lurker on FWR, as a man it has really opened my eyes, and whilst I appreciate I can never fully understand the issues woman face in society today it has given me a lot to think about and made me question a lot in everyday life.

Again I apologise if this is posted in the wrong area, I can request it to be moved of you wish. Thank you for any input .

[LittleBearPad]

Tom's an idiot. Sorry he's made your wife feel bad.

[ApocalypseThen]

He's an eejit, but sadly there are many of them around. It's a shame that your wife feels the need to use a cover to feed, but since she does, I think that's more than adequate consideration for the prudes and lunatics.

For the most part, I would try to put it out of my mind. It's his problem, he's the one who's wrong and out of step and often these are the people you're least likely to get anywhere with if you try to discuss it. But if your wife is feeling like she should give into that kind of bullying, I'd definitely discourage her from feeling that way.

Not much help, I'm afraid.

[FayKorgasm]

I wonder if Tom is uncomfortable with The Sun newspaper,or ads for products with women in bikinis or is it just breasts being used to feed a baby.
Toms a dickhead in any case.

[callmewhatever]

Thank you for the replies. He is a knobber, just not sure if I should bring it up with him, dw certainly wants to say something. fay that's exactly what dw thought as well.

[cailindana]

Agreed, Tom's a dickhead. If you do want to talk to him about it all I'd say is "my wife feeding our baby made you uncomfortable? Gosh, I didn't realise you were a dickhead."

[cailindana]

There's no point in talking seriously to him. He's far too stupid.

[zeeboo]

Tom is a dick and I hope he never has sons to inflict his pathetic opinions on to.

[FiftyShadesofScreeeeeeeam]

Fuck off Tom. That's all there is to say about that.

[scallopsrgreat]

I'd ask him if he'd feel it were appropriate to eat his dinner in the toilet or separate from everyone else. Or you could ask him why he feels uncomfortable about it. However if he's a knobber (love that word!) he's probably going to come back with something like you don't go to the toilet in public so why feed a baby in public because obviously eating and shitting are exactly the same thing. He clearly thinks along those lines anyway.

[PenguinsIsSleepDeprived]

He sees breasts as something utterly sexual I should think. To him, using them for their primary purpose in public (whether he can see them or not) makes him feel uneasy. These sexy fun thing are, ewwwwwwww, really for feeding babies. (Amazing how such men realise a penis can be multipurpose, though obviously neither use is for when one is in public).

Or, short version, he's a knob.

I'm a bit confused though. Was Tom trying to send a message to your DW through a friend that she shouldn't feed in front of him again, or just commenting. If the latter, I would let it slide, you won't convince him. Your wife simply continuing to feed as and when will make the point and, if he complains directly, he can be directly told to naff off. If the former, and I was your wife, I think I'd say something like "X told me you'd rather I didn't bf in front of you anymore. Do you really need to send messages via our friends like we are in year 9? If you'd asked me directly, I'd have been happy to explain why I wouldn't agree." If I felt brave enough.

[FayKorgasm]

Sure all you can see when breastfeeding is the top of the breast as the babys head blocks the buffet area. You see more on a Saturday night outside a nightclub.

[PuffinsAreFicticious]

I fear Tom has never sexually advanced past stealing his mum's Littlewoods catalogue and playing with himself while looking at the women's underwear section.

He is probably more to be pitied than censured, but he is a bit of a cockwomble.

[callmewhatever]

Thanks again for the replies. I imagine there isn't any chance.of reasoning with someone who thinks like this so I will probably bite my tongue if I meet him again.

Massive drip-feed moment, so apologies, but dw just reminded me. This makes him sound very juvenile but he did say to dw friend that if he had a partner and dc he wouldn't want her to bf "if it was going to ruin her boobs!" That's a man that thinks boobs are only there for his pleasure.

[cailindana]

Yeah, best just to avoid people like that whatever, they really are black holes of idiocy.

[PuffinsAreFicticious]

Yup, sadly Tom doesn't understand what breasts are there for. All that education and no basic biology. Sad really.

[Only1scoop]

The 'friend' sounds like a bit of a stirrer though to be honest.

[callmewhatever]

I don't think friend meant to stir it up, she's dw best friend, think she was just being honest. dw has only met Tom once or twice so probably be a while before she sees him again.

[Booboostoo]

Tom should lock himself in the bathroom every time he feels uncomfortable.

I had a friend who was similar, he would walk out of the room every time I bfed. Ironically his wife did a glamour photo shoot and they showed DH and me the photos. They involved full nudity including one shot where the wife had her back to the camera, was naked, had her legs slightly open and was bent all the way forwards clasping her ankles - that didn't leave anything to the imagination. I don't know how he squared his attitudes to these two things.

[Hazchem]

The law says women are allowed (for want of a better word) to breastfeed anywhere they and the baby are allowed to be. Tom is an arsehole! You wifes right to breastfeed, as women, is protected, there is no equivalent right about not being offended. Tom should grow up and fuck off.

[ApocalypseThen]

I always feel a bit sorry for people who say stuff like that - they don't realise that they're out of step with how people think these days and unwittingly expose themselves to the contempt of most of the people they know. Poor, stupid, self centred fools doing exactly the opposite of what they think they're doing.

[AsAMan]

I'd explain to Tom (in about 5 bullet points, because he sounds a bit thick) why it's not practical for women to hide away when breast feeding.

And then I'd tell him that talking about me to a friend was disgusting and that he is no longer welcome anywhere near me and that I think a fucking idiot.

[AsAMan]

And I think it should come from your wife really not you (if she's not too upset at moment)

[Zazzles007]

If Tom (aka as Dickhead) is so uncomfortable with the thought that 'fun bags' are also used for feeding an infant , he should hide himself in the house or toilet whenever your DW is BF - problem solved! His discomfort is not a signal for you to do anything. His discomfort = his problem, and therefore his problem to solve.

Honestly, I would distance yourself from Dickhead, but not Dickhead's wife. She sounds like she might need support in regards to him in the future.

[AsAMan]

This makes him sound very juvenile but he did say to dw friend that if he had a partner and dc he wouldn't want her to bf "if it was going to ruin her boobs!"

I wouldn't worry too much about him finding a wife zazzles, I sense a lonely future for Dickhead

[SevenZarkSeven]

I think that in this situation it would be usual for DW's best friend to tell Tom he's being a dick.

She's the one who sees Tom and who heard this first hand, she's your wife's best friend so presumably has her interests at heart and is also presumably not a complete knob. So I'm surprised she didn't tell Tom he was being a wanker at the time. Or did she? If not your wife could say, next time you see Tom you could tell him how ridiculous his ideas are, and I imagine she'd be more than happy to do so.

I don't think your wife approaching him directly when she doesn't know him that well and heard it 2nd hand is going to be a go-er, and he might turn nasty with her which wouldn't be very productive.

I also think it sounds like your DW friend might be stirring - or maybe she doesn't feel comfy with her feeding when they are out and about and has produced this "other person doesn't like it" thing to get her to stop? But if you say she's good then obviously you know her and we don't! So back to plan A.