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There's petrified and there's PETRIFIED

(42 Posts)
Rainbowsandunicorns88 Wed 26-Apr-17 12:41:15

I know wedding jitters are usual. But I mean nerves for the actual day. As in full on panic attack paranoia. The thought of eyes glaring at me, walking down the aisle, standing up in front of everyone....just the thought gives me palpitations and a tight chest. My wedding is 5 months away, medium sized I suppose with 70 day guests and at first when we planned it I was happy as Larry about them all there. Now shits getting real. Did/does anyone else dread the actual day?

Glitteryfrog Thu 27-Apr-17 08:39:11

Everyone is there because they like you.
They're not glaring at you, they're looking at you.

Rainbowsandunicorns88 Thu 27-Apr-17 09:53:00

I've been crying over and over about it. The thought petrifies me. Public speaking/limelight is just horrific

TheFaerieQueene Thu 27-Apr-17 09:56:18

Everyone will be so pleased to see you and you will look beautiful. Don't worry about that. I'm guessing the people you have invited are people you care about. They will only want the best for you and your DH. The ceremony will happen so quickly you will be amazed when it is over. You can do it. If all else fails. Imagine the guests are naked.

Rainbowsandunicorns88 Thu 27-Apr-17 09:59:47

I can't go through with it. I really can't. I'm petrified to tell dp but I know I have to.

skinnyamericano Thu 27-Apr-17 10:01:13

What about getting some CBT sessions to talk through your anxiety? Plenty of time and it really will help.

Rainbowsandunicorns88 Thu 27-Apr-17 10:04:08

Nice idea but can't afford it and nhs wait is ridiculous. I just need the courage to call it off. I know it'll risk the whole relationship and i know most will scoff at the idea of cancelling a wedding due to anxiety but really, it's all consuming. I have a phobia of medication too so refuse drugs.

isupposeitsverynice Thu 27-Apr-17 10:07:58

There are CBT resources online you can work through by yourself. Talk to your partner - not about cancelling the whole shebang but about how nervous you feel. See what he says. Go from there.

AssassinatedBeauty Thu 27-Apr-17 10:10:41

Instead of cancelling can't you change it to a small registry office wedding with only a handful of guests, like your closest family? Then have a party with the rest of the guests.

AssassinatedBeauty Thu 27-Apr-17 10:12:18

Also, why would it risk your whole relationship if your partner knows it's because you're petrified?

Enelya Thu 27-Apr-17 10:13:35

Get married before and skip the aisle bit. Just stick to your party plans where you will be less visible?

Gazelda Thu 27-Apr-17 10:14:29

How long have you been feeling like this?

Isadora2007 Thu 27-Apr-17 10:16:29

What are your other options? You could Mix things up for the ceremony and be in there first together as a couple and then your guests come in to join you? You don't have to be standing out if it makes you petrified... why would anyone who cares for you want that?
My sister and her husband walked into the church from separate doors then down the aisle together. We had the guests seated in a kind of horseshoe circle so they felt more involved in the ceremony than bystanders.
You could get married alone (well witnesses but you know what I mean) and then stick to the reception as planned?

There are a lot of shades of grey between huge wedding panic and cancel while shebang. See if you can talk to your fiancé and decide your day that would feel comfortable to you.

Semaphorically Thu 27-Apr-17 10:17:17

Fair enough. I hated the idea of being centre of attention at my wedding, although nowhere near as bad as you're experiencing. We had a non-traditional do as a result - no church with a long aisle, no sit-down dinner, no first dance etc. There are other ways to have a lovely memorable event that don't involve you being the centre of attention all day, if that helps a bit?

Also, it's honestly only one day in the scheme of a whole marriage (and the marriage is the point of the exercise, not the wedding) - if it's at a register office with only your nearest and dearest and that's what your comfortable with then do that instead.

PaleBluePigeon Thu 27-Apr-17 10:20:08

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

You could try some meditation/relaxation techniques - easy to download and time to practice now. Or pay for a couple of sessions of hypnotherapy.

You could ask your GP if they'd be willing to prescribe a beta blocker for the day. It is only for one day and as your anxiety is so severe this might be a solution to get you through and actually enable you to enjoy the day.

I felt much the same. We had a tiny wedding, just four people, and I was fine at that. We then had a small party a few weeks later and, although I'd thought I'd be fine, I felt terrible and really didn't enjoy it. Some kind of social anxiety kicked in and I really froze to the spot and could hardly speak to anyone and didn't enjoy it. I wish I'd been able to have a nice time and do regret that. If I'd known how I'd be I'd have sought beta blockers (I've never taken them but have heard people who have for, for example, public speaking).

Is there something that has triggered this in you now? With me, I can be absolutely fine sometimes but sometimes this will kick in, and usually it is at times in life that are more stressful than usual or where I'm not feeling so great about myself.

I hope you'll be able to sort this out so you can enjoy your day flowers

LTBiscuit Thu 27-Apr-17 10:20:35

Do you want to get married? Is it the volume of people there that worries you or do you not want your fiancé to become your husband? If it's the latter call it off. Otherwise tweak your wedding plans to fit what you're comfortable with. Being nervous (or even petrified) is normal. But for gods sake don't do something you'll regret for the rest of your life!!

2014newme Thu 27-Apr-17 10:20:58

Change it to a party. Get married just the 2 of you day before.

nuttyslackster Thu 27-Apr-17 10:21:13

I felt a bit similar as generally hate being in the limelight so we had a really small and informal ceremony and then a separate bigger party for friends and wider family. It was perfect. Could you explain your anxiety to your DP and rearrange your plans so you get the formal bit done beforehand in a more intimate setting? It takes the pressure off the day hugely and everyone still feels included.

LTBiscuit Thu 27-Apr-17 10:21:51

I speak as someone who had Valium the morning of my wedding as I was so nervous. Turned out to be the best day of my life

Rainbowsandunicorns88 Thu 27-Apr-17 10:46:28

I've already asked him if we can just have our parents/close family to service then everyone else to the meal and evening. He said no

2014newme Thu 27-Apr-17 10:53:08

But have you been honest about how you feel?

AssassinatedBeauty Thu 27-Apr-17 12:22:03

Did he understand why, and still said he doesn't want to do that?

cheeseandpineapple Thu 27-Apr-17 12:25:25

His lack of support and understanding doesn't bode well for the future, OP. Are there other issues or doubts in the mix too?

LapinR0se Thu 27-Apr-17 12:27:42

Beta blockers are your friend. You will not feel any nerves at all.
Get a prescription from your go and try them in advance.

LapinR0se Thu 27-Apr-17 12:27:56

Go = GP

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