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AIBU to say a flat NO to my DD loaning a horse?

(45 Posts)
FiveHoursSleep Tue 03-Jan-17 14:10:53

We live in outer NW London and my 15 year old used to have riding lessons but the cheaper riding stables nearby have closed down and now we have to travel 30 minutes and pay almost £50 for a lesson.
We just can't afford the time it takes or the money involved.
She says she really wants to ride again but she's now Y10 and I want her to concentrate on school, not horses. I'm happy to pay for her to go for a hack during the holidays but we have three other children and they all have 2-4 activities a week each, plus school.
Now she's got a few jobs after school earning about £30-50 a week and she's asking if she can take on a loan horse.
I'm really not keen as I know that I'll end up having to do some of the care myself and I'm fine around horses but don't love them. They seem a huge commitment.
Plus we have lots of different pets( dogs, cats, rats, hamster, birds and snake) and she's not that great at making sure hers are fed and watered and cleaned out unless I nag her.
She's an intermediate level rider- steady at a canter but not done much jumping and she's not going to do anything with horses as a job as she knows she won't earn enough.
AIBU to refuse outright, or should I be trying to accommodate her? She is usually pretty well behaved and can be helpful when she's inclined ie she's a typical teenager.
But I feel she's quite stretched with regards to activities anyhow and a horse loan might tip us all over the edge!

TellMeHowToLiveMyLife Tue 03-Jan-17 14:20:08

How far away from you would this horse be stabled? If walking distance then it's possible. Anything else, no way.

Also not sure how many owners would be happy to loan to such inexperienced rider. Has she done lots of stable/ own a pony days? Can she regocnisebillness in a horse? How much input would you have and would you be ensuring she looks after horse properly? The only horses that you'd be likely to get on loan would be older horses (again prob due to riding level). In winter if it's a stabled horse will she really be able to do before and after school?

TellMeHowToLiveMyLife Tue 03-Jan-17 14:23:31

Sorry, that sounds really negative of me! I had a horse on loan as a teenager (after years of nagging dm), it lived in our field next to our house, lived out in winter and it was an absolute slog for me (never admitted to dm she was right though!)

I have horses now and even with 2 young dc's and working 3 days a week it's so much less stress and more enjoyable (mostly because I've learnt the hard way how much work it is!)

FiveHoursSleep Tue 03-Jan-17 14:42:29

She's looking at horses all over the place. Have told her she needs to get there with public transport.
She's done quite a bit of care, pony days so is okay with the tacking but it's going to end up down to me isn't it? I honestly have enough on my plate as it is.
I don't think she's going to have enough time before and after school- she's up at 6am for school now! It's fine to be negative, I'd rather know the bad stuff.
I'm probably going to have to shell out for lessons again aren't I?

frenchfancy Tue 03-Jan-17 14:49:24

Just say no. At 15 she isn't loaning a horse, you are. Let her pay for 2 lessons a month and you provide transport. I would then maybe say if she could do that and save an agreed amount (£500 or so) and her grades were good then you might reconsider in 6 months (or a year).

P1nkP0ppy Tue 03-Jan-17 14:55:20

Absolutely no. I insisted on my DD having weekly riding lessons for a year and accepting full responsibility for the pony before we bought one - we lived on a farm so no issues with land/hay/stabling etc.
She was 11 and did take on virtually everything, I would occasionally turnout or get in but also I funded shoeing, feed, rugs etc.
It's not a cheap hobby, in fact it can be very expensive even with horse insurance.

Stillwishihadabs Tue 03-Jan-17 14:58:25

I was going to YWBU but I think loaning means something quite different in these parts. We pay £35 per week for dd to have use of a pony 3 days a week, but no obligation. Dd is 10

FiveHoursSleep Tue 03-Jan-17 15:16:55

I think I might tell her to contact the people offering the loans. Hopefully they will tell her she isn't suitable.

lastqueenofscotland Tue 03-Jan-17 18:12:12

Get her to draw up a cost sheet, is it a loan (where the horse and all costs are yours) or a share (where she rides 2/3 days a week?)

I put my horse out on loan and wouldn't have let a 15 year old who had only ridden at riding schools and was "steady at canter" near him with a barge pole and he wasn't a difficult horse. Riding school and privately owned horses are miles apart.

FiveHoursSleep Tue 03-Jan-17 18:29:14

That's what I want to hear! I really don't think she has the experience needed. What she needs is someone to take her on as a weekend stable girl and work her hard in return for the odd hack grin

lastqueenofscotland Tue 03-Jan-17 18:37:06

Five I'd agree. Get her to Ring round asking if she can do work for rides somewhere it will be much more appropriate

DrSeuss Tue 03-Jan-17 18:41:14

Most stables round here swap work for rides. One has a points system. Mucking out gets so many, tacking up, general grunt work and leading the little ones during their lessons all earn points. I think it works out at a full day's work for a hack/hour long lesson. Why not ask if anyone would let her do that?

cherrycrumblecustard Tue 03-Jan-17 18:43:36

She sounds determined and 15 isn't a child.

Do stables still do that work for rides thing? More suitable for small children really? It's exploitative anyway.

lastqueenofscotland Tue 03-Jan-17 18:49:52

15 isn't a child but say this is a loan as I understand it in north west London... Livery alone will be in the hundreds a month, plus feeding, shoeing, rugging, vaccinating, bedding the horse.... And that's assuming nothing goes wrong!

cherrycrumblecustard Tue 03-Jan-17 18:51:44

Fair enough, I don't live in London smile

I definitely wouldn't have a child of mine working for rides, I can't believe stables still do this, it's horrible in how it takes advantage.

ChristinaParsons Tue 03-Jan-17 18:56:04

Look for a share rather than a loan

EmmaC78 Tue 03-Jan-17 19:07:18

I would help her look for a part loan/share for 2 or 3 days a week so you avoid being tied to caring for one full time. I have 2 and it is hard work. I agree with PP though who say you may struggle to find anything suitable given her level of experience.

Aftertheraincomesthesun Tue 03-Jan-17 19:52:00

No. I wouldn't encourage it. I'm guessing a loan would involve mucking out, nets, feeds, bringing in as well as riding for each day that she loans. Unless she's really fast at stable duties this bit will take at least an hour before she even gets on board. Unless you are horsey yourself I would say no.

FiveHoursSleep Tue 03-Jan-17 19:54:38

I think she's been looking at some shares as well. I know about horses but wasn't bought up around them, so am not sure of the difference.
I have no problem with her working to earn rides. There aren't any riding stables near here, they are all 30 mins drive away at least but I do see people hacking through the nearby woods.

Moanranger Tue 03-Jan-17 19:57:00

You want her to share ( not loan) or work for rides. Share benefits the owner in that it means someone is excercising the horse. Sometimes you can do this for free, sometimes they want a small contribution. She can advertise on various Facebook web sites for this ( I am on West Sussex riders Facebook group & there are loads of share situations coming up.)
You definitely don't want to loan as it cost the same as owning - which is a lot (says she who owns two!) Try this.

FiveHoursSleep Tue 03-Jan-17 20:22:07

Okay thanks for the advice. Someone has replied and they want £150 a month. If she's going to pay that, she might as well go back to lessons and pay for 3 weeks of the month and I'll pay the 4th!

QuestionableMouse Tue 03-Jan-17 20:28:36

How about a share? She could ride a few times a week but wouldnt have as much responsibility as a loan.

Polkadotties Tue 03-Jan-17 20:39:27

Aren't part loan and sharing basically the same thing. If I wanted someone to ride my horse I would charge them the daily rate of my full livery bill, plus money towards shoes and potentially insurance

Noitsnotteatimeyet Tue 03-Jan-17 22:11:12

I don't think you're being at all unreasonable to say no, and I've said something similar to my dd. Mine is in Y9, has been riding for a few years, she's happily jumping, doing XC, dressage etc so reasonably advanced and was volunteering at her old stables for two years for nothing not even a ride, just the joy of being around ponies hmm. And I still didn't think she was ready for the responsibility...

For us (we're the other side of London) it's the logistics which are the main barrier, plus the enormous cost of livery anywhere half decent. There's no way she could get to the stables before or after school most days, let alone get homework done and any other activities

The compromise we reached was to change stables to a bigger place which takes the better riders out to compete and has more advanced horses than her previous stables. She works there one day at the weekend and whenever she can get there in the holidays - she gets paid and also helps exercise the horses as well as having her lesson. There's also another stables close to her school where she goes for a lesson once during the week but she can get the bus there by herself.

In addition she goes on a riding holiday in the summer and she's saving the money she's earning to pay for a second week in the autumn half term

All in all she's getting as much riding/horsey time as we can manage without it adversely affecting the rest of the family

RedComet Wed 04-Jan-17 20:06:37

I think horses are a fantastic distraction especially for teenagers. We have our own horse. The care is shared between my two teenage DDs. My oldest sat her GCSEs last summer. 6 A* and 5 A so no there is no slacking at school if anything the horse probably helped with motivation to do well. Yes, they spent a lot of time at the stables but they don't spent their spare time in front of the telly or other screens nor do they hang out in shopping centres etc. The horse and it's care has thought them a lot in terms of responsibility. Yes it is expensive but I see it as a lifestyle choice rather than just a horse. At our local stables it is not unusual for teens to share a horse 2/3 days a week. So yes I would let her find a suitable loan/share especially if she can contribute to the cost.

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