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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

The litter tray

Grief overwhelming

41 replies

FunSponge82 · 07/10/2016 08:32

Hi all,
I don't really know why I'm posting this message as I know time is the only healer but last night my beautiful Siamese boy was hit by a car and killed. He was only 4 and the best cat I could have wished for.
Upset is an understatement. I am beside myself.
He was my little furry shadow. I could ramble on for ages about his lovely little quirks but just the thought makes me feel sick with grief.

I intend to keep myself busy today but want to avoid people to save an embarrassing situation of bursting into tears on them

Heartbroken.

RIP.

OP posts:

Report

ayeokthen · 07/10/2016 08:36

I'm so sorry, it's such a raw feeling and so horrible. Our beautiful boy was killed on the road 6 months ago and my heart broke. Folk thought I was daft but I cried for weeks, my kids were devastated, and seeing my beautiful boy suffer before he died gave me nightmares. I have no advice, I just wanted to say that I understand and I am so, so sorry xxx

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 07/10/2016 08:52

I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice or deep and meaningful words but I am thinking of you and your boy xx

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 07/10/2016 09:02

I'm so very sorry Sponge. Losing our beloved pets, especially under tragic circumstances, is truly devestating. As you, yourself wisely say, there is no remedy for your grief, only time. He most likely passed very quickly, in a flash. He was a very fortunate cat, blessed with a lovely home, where all of his needs were met. Try to be kind to yourself, don't rush around too much, be brave, allow yourself to grieve, bottling it up, will only prolong the agony.
The Blue Cross do have a bereavement line, should you feel the need to talk. 😔💐💐💐

dingit · 07/10/2016 09:03

I hear you. I've had two killed in rtas. One at 1 year and another 4. Heartbreaking, and even 20 odd years later I think about them. I'm very sorry for your loss

FunSponge82 · 07/10/2016 09:36

Thank you.

I am distraught.

The sense of guilt is overwhelming and I just wish I could turn back the clock :'(

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ayeokthen · 07/10/2016 09:42

Please don't feel guilty, your beautiful boy lived a lovely life, full of cuddles and love and being able to explore outside is something most cats love. My boy was always so sensible on the road, the neighbours used to laugh at him sitting and waiting on the pavement. A feral cat chased him onto the road and it broke our hearts. Please don't feel guilty, he knew you loved him very much.

thesunwillout · 07/10/2016 09:42

I am so sorry, my heart reaches out to you, i understand totally how you are feeling.

I have lost three in devastating circs within 6-7 yrs, and each one a youngster. The last time, i was so distraught, and it was very overwhelming for about a week. Your grief is perfectly acceptable op, and your love made his life wonderful.

Just know you are not to blame, you could not have done more for him. He was a cat, and they do as they please. xxxx

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 07/10/2016 09:56

Please put down the blame, it isn't yours to carry.
Sponge, you allowed your cat his freedom, what better gift.
Please don't be hard on yourself, you loved him 🌺

FunSponge82 · 07/10/2016 13:40

Thank you all.
Ive managed to speak to the lady who found him and took him to the vet.
I cannot thank her enough. She said people were driving round him in the road. The thought breaks my heart

My gorgeous boy taken far too soon

Grief overwhelming

Grief overwhelming

Grief overwhelming

OP posts:

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 07/10/2016 15:59

What a gorgeous boy. I'm so pleased the lady stopped for him, the thought of people driving around him makes me want to cry.

Please don't think you're to blame, it's not your fault. I know we do blame ourselves when something happens but you loved him and gave him a happy life

RubbishMantra · 07/10/2016 17:04

He is beautiful. My little colourpoint Si-Rex sleeps in the same forehead resting on surface position.

When you feel able, perhaps ring the pet beravement line, as suggested upthread. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, but it's the emotion that hits you the hardest after a loss, I feel.

Also Sweet Chestnut Bach Remedy can help when the grief is too much. It helped me through a bereavement.

for you and your beautiful boy, and when you feel able, it may help to talk about him on here. x

Toocold · 07/10/2016 17:06

I'm so sorry, they are part of your family and you love them for all their quirks xx

Middleoftheroad · 07/10/2016 17:16

What a handsome boy. I'm so sorry

Earlier this year I saw a cat lying on a busy road in teaffic with cars driving round it. I literally stopped traffic to move him aside and then called the owner. They were heartbroken that he was killed but grateful for the kindness of a stranger.

My cat was killed that way when he was just 2 and the lady who knocked him down brought him to my husband as I couldn't face seeing him. It doesnt help but at least when they are returned to you it shows you that people do care. But you cannot blame yourself. A cat craves freedom.

It is gut wrenching and only time helps. That and the thought that they were loved by you and vice versa.

I hope your pain eases a little over the days. Focus on all the times you had and tgat you did your best.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 07/10/2016 18:30

Aww Sponge, he's so beautiful, what a handsome boy.
Can I ask, what was his name ?

pinkhousesarebest · 07/10/2016 18:40

I have tears in my eyes reading this. I am so sorry. We were adopted by a cat who has wiggled his way into our hearts and souls, but we live on a main road and sometimes I feel the clock ticking so loudly as I know it is just a matter of time. We lost a pet almost a year ago, in rotten circumstances, and I still have a little cry when I think about her. I am so sorry about your boy.

Threetoedsloth · 07/10/2016 20:10

Oh your beautiful boy. How heartbreakingly sad. Take care- you've lost a dearly loved member of your family and you're bound to be grief stricken.

Autumnchill · 07/10/2016 20:15

What a beautiful boy. My heart goes out to you as I can not even think of losing my shadow without getting a lump in my throat.

TheGirlOnTheLanding · 07/10/2016 20:22

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy, Sponge. Look after yourself and give yourself the time and space you need to grieve.

timtam23 · 07/10/2016 21:12

Awww look at his gorgeous floofy ears in that first photo. What a very beautiful boy. So sorry for your loss

FunSponge82 · 07/10/2016 23:54

Thank you all
He definitely deserved the kind words you have given him. He was one in a million. An utter joy who still, after 4 years, made me laugh with his huge character

I still have tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat writing this. I just hope tomorrow is easier.

I am unsure who asked but he was called Bailey. My little beautiful Bailey who is missed terribly

X

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DramaAlpaca · 07/10/2016 23:57

I'm so sorry to hear about Bailey. He was a truly stunning boy.

Condolences &

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/10/2016 07:12

Beautiful name, for a beautiful puss cat.
Be kind to yourself this weekend Sponge, you've suffered a dreadful shock.

Botanicbaby · 08/10/2016 11:00

Really very sorry for your loss Sponge. It's overwhelming and awful.

Bailey is just beautiful and I'm glad that you and he had the time you had together rather than none at all. Please don't feel guilty you're not to blame.

FunSponge82 · 08/10/2016 12:29

Again thank you for your supportive posts. I think DH is at a bit of a loss what to do with me. The random melt downs are becoming too much for him.
Breaking down while hanging the washing out is never a good thing is it?!
Honestly it's the most random things which are causing the most upset. Pegging the washing out was always a two person job. Me doing my boring and Bailey would inspect the washing or try and attack a blowing towel or bed sheet.
Feeding my remaining cat in my the morning is another way to guarantee the floodgates open sigh.
I miss my little cat-dog. He wasn't a cat really he was a dog In a cats body.

Ive got to go to the vet on Tues to collect his ashes. They asked if I wanted to scatter his ashes or if I wanted them in a "casket" I think that's what she said. I opted for the casket but now I'm thinking what do I do with it?
It comes with his name on the front but, thinking about it, the only sensible thing would be to bury it. This makes me feel sad but I don't really want a box of ashes in the house on display. I don't want to be constantly reminded of my loss.

TBH I'm dreading Tuesday.

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Threetoedsloth · 08/10/2016 15:36

You don't need to display his casket, tuck it away at the bottom of the wardrobe. Then he's close by, but you don't have to "see" him all the time. It also means you'll not need to leave him behind if you move(or dig up his casket) Works for us, and after nearly 30 years of cat companionship we have quite a few, and it's OK so long as I don't have to look at them each day.

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