I can't sleep, i made an appointment for my beloved boy who is 14 to be pts at our house tomorrow lunchtime. I feel so guilty and sad - i will miss him so much. He is currently snuggled in with DS (under the covers with his head poking out.
I know we are doing the right thing. He has had a neurological disorder since he was two ( or thats when it became first evident) slowly slowly over the years it has affected him more and more, muscle loss, strange gait when he walks ect.
The last couple of months he has stopped talking ( he is an oriental and always was vocal) and he is painfully thin - just eats barely anything and we have tried everything. I cannot bear for him to starve to death or to be in pain so i know the time has come as the vet warned us a few months ago that it probably would but how will i manage without him :-(
My boy has seen me through the worst and best times in my life, a sad marriage, divorce, subsequent happy marriage and two more DC's who adore him.
DH is working from home tomorrow so he can be here when the vet arrives, i am going out because i literally cannot bear it :-( It sounds terrible but sometimes i just wish i had woken up and found him gone in his sleep iykwim? I hate that i had to make this decision even though i know its kinder but i dont want him to go just yet.
I have asked them to take him away with them so he can be cremated and we can have him back in a week and i will decide what to do then.
Oh lord, i wish i could be there for his last moments, DD who is 19 will be here and so will DH but i literally cant even look at him this evening knowing it will be his last night and i just cant stop crying :-(
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The litter tray
Beautiful boy being pts tomorrow lunchtime :-(
44 replies
rosieposey · 13/11/2014 23:15
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