Thoughts please (Still v delicate with grief so please be gentle)

(51 Posts)
Sillysallys Fri 01-Feb-19 20:59:46

You had (or have) the worlds most beautiful dog. She/he is your absolute world and is your faultless shadow for 8(ish) years.

Your world collapses unexpectedly with no warning as they are diagnosed with terminal cancer resulting in such sad, raw, shattering life-changing loss that breaks you.

Would you buy a (related - would be niece or nephew) puppy of the same breed from the same bloodline and highly accredited (by KC) breeder?

Is the illness linked genetically/hereditary?
Would you risk it - is it even a risk?

(I am sorry if this doesn’t make sense. Maybe I’ll try to re-word it in the morning)

OP’s posts: |
tryingtocatchthewind Fri 01-Feb-19 21:02:56

Not sure I’d buy a relative but I lost my beautiful cocker last year to cancer. He was only 7. It took us two weeks so decide to get another and another two months before that pup was ready. Another cocker but totally different colouring and a different breeder.

ChardonnaysPrettySister Fri 01-Feb-19 21:04:17

I would.

missbattenburg Fri 01-Feb-19 21:34:02

Looks down at Battendog.... a distant (16 x removed) descendant of my childhood springer, who died young of liver failure. Though I didn't know it when I got him.

Yes, it turns out I would.

flowers though for your lost dog. It is so bloody painful when they go.

Wolfiefan Fri 01-Feb-19 21:38:57

I am so so so very sorry for your loss. My girl is only two and I’m already considering getting a second dog as she will break my heart when I lose her. sad
Highly accredited by KC doesn’t mean much. I would always go through the breed club.
Can you trace the bloodline and look at longevity of the relatives?
I would be careful as some conditions can have a hereditary aspect. Some breeds are also prone to certain cancers.
I’ve made that clear as mud haven’t I?
I have chosen a breed that isn’t very long lived. I chose carefully to try and get the healthiest dog I could. I am careful with exercise and food etc. And every day I enjoy her company. We have fun and she makes me laugh. For however many years we have.

OrcinusOrca Fri 01-Feb-19 21:44:32

No I wouldn't. I would know that my dog was an individual and that I would be trying to hard to find a dog exactly the same, but knowing deep down that I couldn't.

I still have my heart dog. I deliberately got a bitch from different lines as a second dog because no dog will ever be like my boy, I didn't want to try to replace him because I know I never can and it wouldn't be fair to expect another dog to be a carbon copy of him. Even his brothers and sisters are/were all different.

I am so sorry for your loss thanks

OrcinusOrca Fri 01-Feb-19 21:46:12

I would be wary of similar bloodlines depending on the health condition too. My friend's dog developed epilepsy and my youngest has the same bloodlines. It didn't put me off her because it was only on the dam's side and there are mixed views on epilepsy. Equally there are treatments for it should a dog sadly be diagnosed with it.


mistermagpie Fri 01-Feb-19 21:57:40

I would get another dog and the fact that it was a relative wouldn't bother me one way or the other. I'm not actually a dog person but have pedigree cats. I had two siblings, one turned out to have a genetic condition which I discovered soon after I got them. He's sitting in my knee now nearly a decade later while his brother died in 2017 of something completely different.

The fact is, just because something may be genetic or hereditary doesn't mean the animal will automatically get it. Equally an animal which comes from a 'healthy' bloodline might get run over or die some other way, unfortunately.

Get the dog that is right for you, when the time is right. I 'replaced' my beloved cat after about six months and both the cat and the timing just felt right.

pigsDOfly Fri 01-Feb-19 22:14:58

My thoughts on reading your OP were more or less what OrcinusOrca has posted in her first post.

Be very wary of trying to replicate what you had with your very well loved dog as it might prove very unfair on both you and the dog.

So sorry for your loss, they're never with us long enough.

Nesssie Fri 01-Feb-19 22:19:52

Yes and have.
Slightly different as her death wasn’t genetic but we actually got her full sibling (same mum and dad, future litter). We knew the temperament of the parents, how they were socialised early, and roughly how the puppy would turn out. Of course her character is different, and being a crossbreed she has a slightly different body shape but she is just as gentle and friendly and well rounded as pup1 which is what we wanted.

Floralnomad Fri 01-Feb-19 22:29:41

I wouldn’t , my current dog is the dog love of my life and I will not have another that is remotely similar , that’s if I even have another .

Booboostwo Fri 01-Feb-19 22:44:53

I am very sorry for your loss.

No I wouldn’t. In my experience the dog would look similar but have a different temperament which would accentuate the loss. I’d go for a different breed and be prepared for the dog being completely different from my old one. That, as well as the puppy adjustment period when you realise how well adjusted your old dog was to your life and how you need to start from the beginning with a new puppy, make things tough enough.

Stickmanslittleleaf Fri 01-Feb-19 22:46:38

It depends I think on the circumstances. My first dog was a rescue, treated horrifically and bore the scars to prove it. She was my world for many years and as she was getting older I knew that when she went there would be a big hole in my heart but also that there would then potentially be a home for another poor soul who needed a warm bed, a cuddle, who had never been loved before and could be loved and treated beyond their wildest dreams. I now have a retired greyhound so I can trace her history/ bloodline and if anything were to happen to her I may well take one of her siblings when they retire (she's young and 2 of her litter are currently doing well). If I were getting a pedigree puppy and buying I think I'd steer clear because although I may want the same breed I'd worry that I'd expect them to be too much like my amazing dog. It may muddy the waters I think. But that's just me, you do whatever you think is best, just give it some time and don't act through grief. thanks

JayAlfredPrufrock Fri 01-Feb-19 22:48:58

Probably not.

I think I’ll go for a rescue when the canine love of my life deserts me.

NeverSayFreelance Fri 01-Feb-19 22:57:02

I always say give your time to properly grieve before getting another dog, regardless of what kind they are. It's been almost three years since I lost my best friend and I'm still not ready for another one. Ultimately I know I don't really want another dog - I just want him back.

Slippersandacuppa Fri 01-Feb-19 22:58:37

I feel the same way Stickman

We’ve lost several of our rescue animals over the years (have had a bad run recently with three chickens and a rabbit dying within a few weeks - all unrelated) and the only way I can come to terms with how much it hurts afterwards is that they were given a happy, adored life here. When they leave us, it gives another rescued soul a chance for the same. It doesn’t mean they are ever replaced and we still cry over all of them but it somehow balances the grief out.

Dogs though. They really get into your heart 💓

Lindy2 Fri 01-Feb-19 23:06:02

If you are considering it because that is the type of breed if dog you want, then fine.
If you are in fact (even subconciously) trying to replace your dog with a replica, then no.
The dog may look the same but its nature and personality could be very different which may disappoint you.

Myranium Fri 01-Feb-19 23:09:07

Is the illness linked genetically/hereditary?

It depends on the type of cancer and the breed in question. Some breeds have a very clear predisposition to certain cancers but equally some cancers can affect any type of dog and really just come down to luck.

I would recommend researching as much as you can about the type of cancer and whether there’s any evidence it’s potentially hereditary. Find out if it’s a known problem within the breed and, if so, whether it’s confined to particular lines or a more widespread issue.

Useful sources of information might be the KC breed health surveys, the breed council health website if there is one, the Breed Archive site (for looking for any patterns of premature deaths in the relevant lines) and the Dog Breed Health website.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig Fri 01-Feb-19 23:21:30

After our old boy passed away I knew I couldn’t be without a dog. I couldn’t face another working cocker so we plumped for a lab, like my parents had. I just couldn’t look at another spaniel in the house, it would have been too much like trying to replace him. flowers

ThePoliticiansPraiseMyName Fri 01-Feb-19 23:34:18

I couldn't have another dog that looked like my old boy, he was everything and It would feel wrong to try and replicate that. We have adopted a giant cross breed and while I quite like him, groom him regularly, walk him daily and train and cuddle him it's not love yet. I imagine that will come later, when he stops being such a dick and grows up a bit! 😂 I still think daily about my old boy and I am pleased that this is a completely fresh start.

itstrue Fri 01-Feb-19 23:45:55

We lost our old girl last year and I was totally grief stricken. So much so I couldn't cope without a doggy companion.

We did a lot of research and came up with another type of dog that we thought would fit our family. We got her very quickly.

I held a puppy of the same breed that we used to have and I cried - not of joy.

I'm very pleased we went for a different breed. Our new girl is perfect for us. I still grieve my old girl and the new one didn't take that away. I couldn't have replaced her.

Sillysallys Sat 02-Feb-19 08:11:28

Thankyou all so much for taking the time to help me. The compassion and understanding from posters on this section is so kind flowers

His expected age was to be 12ish so the shock knocked me for six.

@tryingtocatchthewind My boy was also just 7. Taken too youngsad and like me, you probably feel robbed.

@ChardonnaysPrettySiste - are you able to explain a little more please?

@missbattenburg I saw the photo on your thread smile Beautiful baby!

@wolfiefan. Yep, we can trace the bloodline to 5 generations. We did for the one we lost. I am pretty certain the breeder is involved with the breeder club if my memory serves me correctly...I will root through our old documents and if appropriate re-investigative this. Thankyou for reminding me.

@OrcinusOrca @PigsDOfly you have summed up my thoughts exactly and comparing personalities just is not fair, is it? We had a puppy here with a friend visiting and I just cried relentlessly because he wasn’t DDog.

@mistermagpie I am so torn. DDog was the right one for me, we were the very best of friends.

@nesssie I understand what you’re saying and in times before it happened I totally would have thought that but an incident happened to my DDog which changed his personality overnight. It ties in with what previous posters said about not knowing what the future holds.

@Booboostwo Thankyou. I do have big concerns about a new one highlighting the characteristics of my beautiful DDog and that’s equally of a concern for me. DH is really only considering the same breed as he grew up with that one and likes to feel he knows them. We watched that ‘100 dogs’ programme this week and nothing else grabbed him.

@stickmanslittleleaf ‘Muddy the waters’ emotionally is my fear.

@JayAlfredPrufrock A rescue where you have as much history as possible?

@Floralnomad I get why you say that. Heart dog that can’t be replaced.

@NeversayFreelance That’s also how I feel. No other dog will have his little traits. That crushes me.

@slippersandacuppa ‘Balancing the grief’ is a good way of looking at it. I hadn’t thought of that.

@Lindy2 This is my absolute concern and I don’t know how to not do that.

@Myranium Thankyou so much for the links. Looking at them is my next project - I will start this evening!

@MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig I’m not sure I can face any dog at the moment. My experience from last week having a puppy in the house that wasn’t DDog just made me inconsolable.

@ThePoliticiansPraiseMyName In my previous experience the love comes when I came to read his body language and quirks. That’s what I miss. Your current baby will be all grown-up before you know it!

@itstrue Ditto. I did look at photos of puppies of the same breed and sobbed my heart out and slumped to the floor because ‘it’s not DDog’.

Your posts have me me realise I do currently feel guilty for wanting to try to replace DDog. I am still incredibly raw with this, I wake up crying and go to sleep crying.

Clearly more time is needed, so I will use this productively and look seriously at options which will inevitably raise loads of questions that I’ll need more help with please from you lovely lot smile

This has highlighted that I am all over the place so need to give time some time.

OP’s posts: |
ChardonnaysPrettySister Sat 02-Feb-19 09:01:13

I would because whatever dog you take you never really know what might happen, what personality they might have, what health issues they might have.

In for a penny, in for a pound. It's heartbreaking when you lose one, but a new dog is whet gets me over.It's not replacing, even when they are similar in looks. Every dog is different.

Sorry about your dog.

Wolfiefan Sat 02-Feb-19 09:05:58

Of course you’re all over the place. You’re grieving.
Just one more thing to add into the complicated mix. A breed specific rescue? Maybe you wouldn’t feel you were trying to “replace” your lost dog. (Of course that’s not what you’re doing but it can make you feel a bit that way to get another.) but rather rescuing a dog that needed it?
Not sure of the breed but maybe an opposite. So I have a girl. Boy next time? A different colour? I know the colour thing sounds stupid but I was adamant when we got cats after losing our last that I didn’t want the same. I would hate to catch a glimpse of the kittens and think for even a moment that my old cat was back. sad
Be kind to yourself. There’s no rush. Also worth considering some volunteering to help you heal and spend time with a dog that isn’t “yours”? We volunteer at the local shelter and I used to volunteer for the cinnamon trust too.

OrcinusOrca Sat 02-Feb-19 09:12:00

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much @Sillysallys

I sounded a bit blunt but I have agonised over what I will do when my boy is gone for most of his life, and so I feel like I have given the options so much thought.

It's bizarre how dogs of the same pedigree can be so utterly different. Despite my girl and boy being goldens, he is wise and feels very emotionally switched on. She's an awkward good ball and acts like such a baby despite being three this year. I love them in very different ways, she will never be him, but she has her own charm and he will also never be her x

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