AIBU to think another dog could never be as good as ddog?

(43 Posts)
hooveringhamabeads Sat 24-Nov-18 19:19:40

I lost my best friend in the world in September. We were like batman and robin, and for almost 15 years we did everything together. He was by my side 99% of his life.

I got him kind of foisted on me as a puppy. I was pg with dd1 when exdp turned up with him. Exdp worked a fair bit doing stuff it wouldn’t have been suitable to take a small pup to, so he became my dog from the word go really. I had all these pregnancy hormones rushing around my body and ddog was my baby. I completely mollycoddled him and never really treated him like an actual dog. He’d sleep on my pillow at night otherwise he’d cry. He’d sit up my jumper in the car otherwise he felt sick. We were completely in tune with each other from the start and that only deepened as the years passed.

I never trained him. It made no odds to me if he was sitting or standing, but he never really needed training, it’s like we could read each other’s minds and he never wanted to upset me. I didn’t even put him on a lead when we were out walking, he’d just stay by my side and wait with me until I told him to cross the road. I never ever got cross with him or hit him, I never needed to. It was pure love until the end.

The thing was, and I’m welling up now, he was such a cool little character. He was an odd looking little thing but everywhere we went he would have people fawning over him. My DM could never understand it, as she was determined not to like him out of principle, but even she had to agree that he had some weird magnetic affect on people. People would often say that he was like a little human. He even had his own car seat in the car as otherwise he’d get in dd’s! I think in his mind he was my eldest child.

Every single time I looked at him in those almost 15 years, my heart would melt. I think he even got more adorable in his old age. I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing him.

Friends have said I should get another dog, but my question is, how could I ever find a dog that amazing again? It would be like winning the lottery the first time you play it and then winning it again the next time. And truth be told, I do LIKE all dogs but when I look after friends’ dogs I generally find things about them quite annoying, which I never felt with my own dog. Which leads me to think that maybe I’m not really a dog person, I was just a ddog person, IYSWIM.

All this is a bit irrelevant as I’m nowhere near ready or able to get another dog right now, but I’m just interested in hearing others’ experiences of subsequent dogs after ‘the one’.

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chaosisaladder Sat 24-Nov-18 19:25:50

My first dog - oh man. I'll never get over him.

I've had two since he died and although I love them, it's not the same.

Sorry for your loss. It sounds like he had an exceptionally lovely life with you.

chaosisaladder Sat 24-Nov-18 19:28:03

I should add - don't look for the same qualities you loved in ddog in other dog. You'll love different things. Maybe not as much, maybe more, but you'll be looking for someone you'll probably never find if you expect the same (unless you're super lucky!)

hooveringhamabeads Sat 24-Nov-18 19:43:24

That’s what I’m worried about. I don’t have a dog shaped hole in my life, it’s more of a specific ddog shaped hole. I couldn’t even get one the same breed as god knows what he was!

I’d hate to get another dog and then realise I’d done the wrong thing because they were ‘just a dog’, if that makes sense.

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RippleEffects Sat 24-Nov-18 19:55:33

Do you have a dd2/ DS?

I had a gorgeous little ckcs pre DC. She was like no other dog I've ever met. Actually, she didn't know she was a dog. I still have really fond memories so do the DC.

We have another dog now. She's lovely, she's a dog. She's a family dog not my dog. I love her and she brings something extra to our family. She doesn't replace my first dog. The hole left isn't quite as big though.

I ask about DC because I love all three of my DC. The love for each child is different because they're all different. It didnt reduce for each child when another came along my total love capacity grew. I think it's the same with a special family pet - the love grows.

Getting another dog is something to do when and if you want, when you're ready. It's not a replacement for your ddog it's an extension of your family.

ChardonnaysPrettySister Sat 24-Nov-18 19:58:32

You never get over your first dog.

You will however find a new one and he will be amazing in a completely different way and he will melt your heart again and will also break it when he, too, goes.

Greyhorses Sat 24-Nov-18 20:00:36

I once had a dog that I adored. I raised her from 3 weeks old and she was by my side since the day I met her. She wasnt the easiest but she was devoted to me and I was the only person in the world she wanted to be with for the whole of her life.

I’ve had a dog before her and currently have two which I love for different reasons but they don’t have the loyalty that she had sad


TheFaerieQueene Sat 24-Nov-18 20:01:59

He sounds fab. Do you have a photo?

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo Sat 24-Nov-18 20:14:47

This worries me so much as well, my ddog is getting older and she is my world I can’t even begin to imagine life without her, we talk about would we get another dog when she is gone and I do think I would love another dog very much but never as much as my darling dog. When I hear this Barry White song this sums up exactly how I feel about her (and yes I know I’m daft and soppy)

My first, the last, my everything
And the answer to all my dreams
You're my sun, my moon, my guiding star
My kind of wonderful, that's what you are
I know there's only, only one like you
There's no way they could have made two
You're all I'm living for, your love I'll keep forevermore
First, you're the last, my everything
And with you I've found so many things
A love so new, only you could bring
Can't you see it's you? You make me feel this way (Can't you see it's you?)
You're like a first morning dew on a brand new day
I see so many ways that I
Can love you 'til the day i die
You’re my first, my last my everything.

hooveringhamabeads Sat 24-Nov-18 21:06:54

Oh that song doesn’t sound daft and soppy. I used to lie on my bed with ddog with us gazing into each other’s eyes singing ‘The Look of Love’ to him grin.

Yes I have two DC, and although they are different I love them both equally, and I’ve wondered if another dog would be like that. But then I come back to the looking after friends’ dogs (I have looked after one spaniel in particular for years and I do love him but he drives me potty in many ways and I’m usually quite glad to give him back!).

I guess it’s like your first love - so crazily intense, and any other love is never like that, mostly because you know how much it hurts when it ends. When ddog was alive I couldn’t even comprehend life without him, I just couldn’t. And when the end came it was so sudden and I had just a few minutes to make that decision and say goodbye. It was brutal.

Anyway, here he is 💖.

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yetwig Sat 24-Nov-18 21:12:00

I lost my first dog in April he was nearly 15 as well, we did so much together he was my best mate😞 He came to me at 8 weeks old, I loved him from that day and miss him so very much.

In June it became clear my other dog wasnt coping being on her own, so I was looking at rescues and saw a 5 month old collie, he came home two days later, didn't think I could love another but he fills my heart with joy everyday 🙂 My old boy would have approved I'm sure.

GingerFoxInAT0phat Sat 24-Nov-18 21:18:22

My ddog passed away in June at 10yrs old. My partner surprised me with him for my 21st birthday (totally irresponsible!🙈) but I loved him so so much.

I remember crying one night to my friend whilst I was pregnant “what if I don’t love the baby as much as the dog!”

It’s coming up to 6 months now and I was thinking the exact same - a new dog won’t be same etc but the last few weeks I’ve decided I really want another one.

I hate walking in after the school run now - into an empty house. I used to love to sit with a cup of tea and the dog curled into me to wind down.

hooveringhamabeads Sat 24-Nov-18 21:18:51

And we grew up together - I was 22 when I got him, and we did all sorts together, from parties in the woods to surf trips, he even used to come to my lectures at uni! But he was happy as long as he was with me, and that cut both ways. He didn’t mind if it was a trip to the beach (his favourite) or just riding shotgun going to the supermarket. He used to pine for me a ridiculous amount if I ever had to leave him with anyone.

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GingerFoxInAT0phat Sat 24-Nov-18 21:19:12

He’s lovely!

user1471453601 Sat 24-Nov-18 21:23:27

I'm on my fourth dog now. I've loved all of them, and all of them have had good life's. This one, my fourth, has really captured my heart. She is, in no way, the best behaved, or the best looking. Nevertheless, she has my heart in the palm of her paw. I have no idea why, she's a seven year old rescue girl, but one look from her and I'm jelly.
I'm my opinion, there is always room for another dog in your heart.

mirren3 Sat 24-Nov-18 21:28:01

Aww, look at that wee face. You couldn't not love him, looks like he's waiting on his staff 😊

hooveringhamabeads Sat 24-Nov-18 21:28:23

Sorry to hear about other precious dogs that have been lost sad

I guess another thing I wonder about is nature v nurture? I know I couldn’t get another exact same dog as ddog but if I treated them the way I treated him (basically like my baby) would they likely end up being as chilled as ddog was? Especially if I had them from a pup? I think it’s fair to say he had a very secure attachment in that he had 100% of his needs met, and I was never unkind to him. We could communicate without talking, I’d only have to look at him to know if he wanted or needed something.

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hooveringhamabeads Sat 24-Nov-18 21:30:25

It was more like the other way around @mirren3 grin.

It’s heartwarming to hear about new dogs that have been loved just as much.

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Floralnomad Sat 24-Nov-18 21:30:45

I don’t think it’s a first dog thing , I’ve had a few dogs but my current dog is the dog love of my life . I would say only get another dog if you miss all the things about a dog not just because you are trying to replace what you had with your dog because you probably won’t . Sorry for your loss .

Snowwontbelong Sat 24-Nov-18 21:31:57

Op I had my first ddog from being a toddler. As an only dc she was my dsis!
She was pts when we were both nearly 21!!
I have 4 ddogs now, they are loved as much as all appreciate being loved and give it back so much. As a fantastic ddog owner you owe it to a homeless pooch to share your love and ability!
You know it will be returned ten fold.
And your boy is so handsome!

hooveringhamabeads Sat 24-Nov-18 21:41:28

I think that’s a good point @Floral - as much as I miss him I am also appreciating the benefits of not having a dog right now - no having to go outside for walks in all weathers, no buying ludicrously expensive dog food off the internet because he wouldn’t eat anything else, no vets bills, no having to revolve my life around him and whether he can come with me or having to find someone to leave him with. I think I need some more time to revel in that freedom and spend some more time getting over the loss of ddog.

He’s currently in his bed, in my bedroom, with his ball next to him. He’s just in a box now sad.

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redhotcoal Sat 24-Nov-18 21:57:35

Hama, we spoke in sept when both of the our dogs died around the same time.
Really hope you’re doing ok. I’ve name changed a few times since then.
I think I’m getting worse not better.
I can’t even look at photos or videos of my boy, whereas a month ago I was pining for another.
Such a hard decision isn’t it.
I’m going to reassess my feelings next summer I’ve decided.
Nice to see you on here again x

redhotcoal Sat 24-Nov-18 22:01:02

Just saw that we both got our pups when we were 22 too. How funny. Lots of similarities in our stories x

MudCity Sat 24-Nov-18 22:11:24

He is gorgeous OP. No wonder you fell in love with him.

I loved my first dog with all my heart. When I came to getting my second dog I said to myself that while I would love him I would never love him as much as I loved first dog.

As it turned out, I fell head over heels in love with him and he melted my heart from day one. They were so very different in personality. It wasn’t like replacing one with another at all.

I am so very sorry for your loss. A light went out in my world when I lost my dog, also very suddenly. They cannot be replaced. If you choose to get another dog at some point, accept they will be different...sometimes in positive ways and sometimes in not quite so positive ways. They are individuals, just like people. You will know when you are ready. flowers for you.

hooveringhamabeads Sat 24-Nov-18 22:13:17

Ah @redhotcoal I’ve often thought of you and wondered how you’re getting on now. It was a big help to be able to share our experiences in those first couple of weeks (I can’t even really remember those weeks now, I was completely bowled over with grief).

Sorry to hear you’re not doing too well. It’s hard isn’t it. I think generally I’m doing better than I was but every now and then I miss him so much that it just floors me, it cuts me like a knife. Was looking after a friend’s dog for a few weeks and had to take him to the vets while she was away, the same vets where ddog died, and I was waiting right outside the room where it happened and I went to pieces.

And then last week the hamster had to be PTS too sad. Not as bad as losing ddog by a long way but I loved the little fella and it’s weird being completely pet-less for the first time in 15 years.

I’ve got the end of next summer as a possible time to start thinking about another dog in my mind too. It will be nearly a year then and I’ve got a holiday booked for August, so would need to be after that. But still very undecided as to whether or not it’s the right thing to do.

Good to hear from you x

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