AIBU to think another dog could never be as good as ddog?

[hooveringhamabeads]

I lost my best friend in the world in September. We were like batman and robin, and for almost 15 years we did everything together. He was by my side 99% of his life.

I got him kind of foisted on me as a puppy. I was pg with dd1 when exdp turned up with him. Exdp worked a fair bit doing stuff it wouldn’t have been suitable to take a small pup to, so he became my dog from the word go really. I had all these pregnancy hormones rushing around my body and ddog was my baby. I completely mollycoddled him and never really treated him like an actual dog. He’d sleep on my pillow at night otherwise he’d cry. He’d sit up my jumper in the car otherwise he felt sick. We were completely in tune with each other from the start and that only deepened as the years passed.

I never trained him. It made no odds to me if he was sitting or standing, but he never really needed training, it’s like we could read each other’s minds and he never wanted to upset me. I didn’t even put him on a lead when we were out walking, he’d just stay by my side and wait with me until I told him to cross the road. I never ever got cross with him or hit him, I never needed to. It was pure love until the end.

The thing was, and I’m welling up now, he was such a cool little character. He was an odd looking little thing but everywhere we went he would have people fawning over him. My DM could never understand it, as she was determined not to like him out of principle, but even she had to agree that he had some weird magnetic affect on people. People would often say that he was like a little human. He even had his own car seat in the car as otherwise he’d get in dd’s! I think in his mind he was my eldest child.

Every single time I looked at him in those almost 15 years, my heart would melt. I think he even got more adorable in his old age. I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing him.

Friends have said I should get another dog, but my question is, how could I ever find a dog that amazing again? It would be like winning the lottery the first time you play it and then winning it again the next time. And truth be told, I do LIKE all dogs but when I look after friends’ dogs I generally find things about them quite annoying, which I never felt with my own dog. Which leads me to think that maybe I’m not really a dog person, I was just a ddog person, IYSWIM.

All this is a bit irrelevant as I’m nowhere near ready or able to get another dog right now, but I’m just interested in hearing others’ experiences of subsequent dogs after ‘the one’.

[Thisnamechanger]

With the possible exception of Chowder the Beardog on Instagram, who might actually be the best dog in the world.

[Thisnamechanger]

One day OP. There's a weird cognitive dissonance about pets where even though you know it's not possible you also know they're all the best boy/girl in the world.

[hooveringhamabeads]

Yes that hits the nail on the head. Yesterday I started crying out of the blue walking across the petrol forecourt because I got a sudden rush of missing him.

I shared this video on fb last week:
www.facebook.com/RedandHowling/videos/1507574212631165/
Sums it up perfectly for me...particularly the bit about him being there in my darkest days...I’ve been through a ridiculous amount of shit and I really don’t think I would have made it without ddog x

[wheniwasawandering]

@hooveringhamabeads another name change I’m afraid!
But I read this today and it made me think of us both.
It’s a bit sad sorry!
But it explains how it just hits us when we least expect it.
Just wanted to post it as you came straight into my head x

[SkippedALightFandango]

I lost my ddog when she was 16 years old. She was a lab and I still miss her. It took 2 years before I was ready to get another dog. I couldn’t get another Labrador as it felt disloyal and she could never be replaced. You won’t be able to help comparing any new dog to your old one but don’t think of it as replacing him. New dog will bring their own joys and love.

I have two spaniel type dogs now who I love dearly. However I still miss my old girl and think of her often.

[MattMagnolia]

I’ve had dogs all of my life and loved them all but two were just special and loved the most.
Grieving for a long time before getting another dog doesn’t mean X loved her dog more than Y who got a new dog quicker, we’re all different.
When my most special soulmate died I started looking for another, very different, puppy straight away because I couldn’t live without one.

[ChestyNut]

hoovering ChestyDog went to sleep on the 21st....the day we went on a long haul holiday, was a crying wreck the first few days! I cried on the motorway, the plane, the pool, you name it I cried there!
Then got to face it all over again when we came home

Hope your holiday has been relaxing

redhot we could never have flashing lights because of his epilepsy but I can’t face putting any up this year.

[ScottyDog7]

It's truly horrible to lose anyone you love. The difficult thing about a dog that you loved as a child or at least very intensely is that not everyone understands.
I've had a few dogs in my life, but ever only really had 2 of my own.
I very much view my animals as part of my family, but these 2 dogs have been so different and I can't imagine having another that is the same as either of these two. They are still with me, in their urns and DP knows when I go to mix all our ashes together and scatter them, so we can free together. One was like a patient, devoted and loving older sister, caring, listening but at times needed to do her own thing but always there when it mattered. The other was as close as I can imagine to having a child. He needed me, I felt so protective of him, I would give my life (or DPs) to have saved him from anything. But he was my everything, so I don't always think it's the first dog that leaves the biggest wholes.
Given the options I'd have another like the first Ddog, losing her was heartbreaking but she was the perfect dog in so many ways. I couldn't go through losing 2nd Ddog again, and with my own health concerns, I don't think I could give a dog like that everything it needed. So, for now, we are dogless.

[redhotcoal]

Today has been hard. All the dog stockings are in the shops.
We were making up the kids advent calendars and this year is the first year we can hang them low down without the dog stealing the chocolates.
And the dog Xmas dinners are in the shops. He’d have one every year.
Don’t know why I’m getting worse each day instead of better.
My mum got rid of all of his stuff to a dogs charity the day he died. I think it was easier that way. Although we kept his lead and treats tin.
This whole thing has been like a family member dying as you’ve said. But a close family member who you’ve lived with for 10 years.
Hope you’ve had a relaxing holiday and plan some nice things to look forward to once your home.

[hooveringhamabeads]

@chestynut I lost mine on 10th September . Don’t worry I think it’s completely normal, mine was a family member to me and if it was any other member of immediate family I don’t think anyone would expect me to be over it in less than 3 months.

I managed to give one of his beds to a dogs home last week, but that’s as far as I’ve got WRT to getting rid of his stuff.

I’m on holiday at the moment, flying home tomorrow, and weirdly I have missed him loads more this week. For so long, every time I took a holiday I’d be thinking about him and missing him, and the best part of going home was seeing him. I feel like I’ve got nothing to go home for. And I know it sounds daft but I don’t like being so far away from his ashes. I did actually consider bringing them with me! Also dreading the first Christmas without him.

It’s hard because in real life, although my friends and family were amazing in the immediate aftermath, there comes a point when you can’t keep banging on about your dead dog because it’s quite dull for everyone. That’s why mumsnet is great.

for you.

[ChestyNut]

hoovering and Redhot I also lost my darling boy aged nearly 12 in September, he'd had a long term health condition and my life revolved around him, he was my best mate.
I’ve been struggling still and wasn’t sure if it was normal or I am being ridiculous so to hear you both still struggle is reassuring in a way.

I don’t think another dog would ever replace him and his funny quirky ways and I’ll always miss him but can’t imagine not having a dog around.

[Booboostwo]

Sadly it’s never the same. Other dogs can be special and lovely in their own way but if you have a unique bond it’s not possible to replicate the exact thing.

I’ve had 7 dogs, I love them all but the first was just special. She died about 7 years ago and just this week I dreamt of her. She came to the back door and I was cuddling her and stroking her tummy. In the dream I could feel exactly what her tummy was like, the bit that was soft and the bit that was super soft. I woke up crying and cried my heart out for the next half hour.

If you feel you want another dog, go for it, but for the sake of a different dog. It’s impossible to replace them. Maybe visit a shelter and see if there is a dog that appeals to you.

[MudCity]

💓and for all of us who have lost a dog. A light goes out and it breaks your heart.

OP, when the time comes and you are ready to get another dog, consider getting a rescue. We did and he was the most amazing boy ever with a heart full of love, always wanting to please and desperate to bond with us. It was a love like no other I have experienced, including from our first dog who I thought was my one and only.

You clearly have a lot of love and devotion to give another dog so if you can get a rescue, then please consider it.

[redhotcoal]

And yes, in relation to the vets, our vets is on our road. Which means we drive past it every day. I can’t even look at it.
I think I was in denial for the first 6 weeks or so, I was really up for getting a new dog and couldn’t understand why my husband was so upset at the thought of getting another.
I think for me it’s finally sunk in that he’s gone. I was looking through photos yesterday, and I can just about bare to look at the photos, but as soon as a video starts where he’s walking around, or licking himself, or the sound of his bark and I’m in pieces.
My toddler still calls every dog he sees my dogs name, which is hard.
I’m thinking both of my little ones will be in school or preschool next summer so it will be a good time to think about another dog, although on the other hand I could pick up more hours at work and spend that money on some amazing holidays!
I think we will both know when the time is right.
I’m leaving it up to fate. I reckon something will happen at some point that will decide it for both of us.

[redhotcoal]

@hooveringhamabeads sorry fell asleep!
We’ve dog sat a few times as well and it’s just not the same.
It’s nice to have a dog around, but their personalities are so different.
Also it’s nice to have some new found freedom. Being able to leave the house at 10 am and be out all day.
Definitely want another at some point. But maybe next year when things have settled down.
It’s really strange, I think since it happened nearly 3 months ago I’ve only been in the garden once or twice. As opposed to a few times a day. We never have the back door key to hand anymore. There’s no snoring in our bedroom. No barking when the doorbell goes.
Feels so strange still.

[Groomer]

I lost my two beloved dogs within a year and it was devestating. Around the time my ancient old girl passed away, my other dog was diagnosed with a brain tumour. My family bought me a puppy, knowing Ddog2 was on borrowed time. I love my current dog utterly - he is totally part of the family, 100% loyal, we're together every opportunity and the thought of life without him is unbearable....but, for me, Ddog2 was the most special. I couldn't tell you exactly why, but he was 'the one'. I guess what I'm saying is, no dog will be your first, but the love and joy another brings may still be worth it. Also, my children had only really know old/ill dogs, but they absolutely adore our youngster - he's two now and they play with him all the time! You'll never replace your first, but perhaps posting on here is a sign you need to share some of the love you had for him?

[DownAndUnder]

You might not find a dog that compares to him but you’ll find a dog you love very much. My favourite ever dog died 7 years ago. I have 2 now and they haven’t been as easy as he was but I love them both a lot and will grieve when they go. It’s the hardest thing about having dogs.

[hooveringhamabeads]

Thanks @mud, that’s very comforting.

[hooveringhamabeads]

Ah @redhotcoal I’ve often thought of you and wondered how you’re getting on now. It was a big help to be able to share our experiences in those first couple of weeks (I can’t even really remember those weeks now, I was completely bowled over with grief).

Sorry to hear you’re not doing too well. It’s hard isn’t it. I think generally I’m doing better than I was but every now and then I miss him so much that it just floors me, it cuts me like a knife. Was looking after a friend’s dog for a few weeks and had to take him to the vets while she was away, the same vets where ddog died, and I was waiting right outside the room where it happened and I went to pieces.

And then last week the hamster had to be PTS too :(. Not as bad as losing ddog by a long way but I loved the little fella and it’s weird being completely pet-less for the first time in 15 years.

I’ve got the end of next summer as a possible time to start thinking about another dog in my mind too. It will be nearly a year then and I’ve got a holiday booked for August, so would need to be after that. But still very undecided as to whether or not it’s the right thing to do.

Good to hear from you x

[MudCity]

He is gorgeous OP. No wonder you fell in love with him.

I loved my first dog with all my heart. When I came to getting my second dog I said to myself that while I would love him I would never love him as much as I loved first dog.

As it turned out, I fell head over heels in love with him and he melted my heart from day one. They were so very different in personality. It wasn’t like replacing one with another at all.

I am so very sorry for your loss. A light went out in my world when I lost my dog, also very suddenly. They cannot be replaced. If you choose to get another dog at some point, accept they will be different...sometimes in positive ways and sometimes in not quite so positive ways. They are individuals, just like people. You will know when you are ready. for you.

[redhotcoal]

Just saw that we both got our pups when we were 22 too. How funny. Lots of similarities in our stories x

[redhotcoal]

Hama, we spoke in sept when both of the our dogs died around the same time.
Really hope you’re doing ok. I’ve name changed a few times since then.
I think I’m getting worse not better.
I can’t even look at photos or videos of my boy, whereas a month ago I was pining for another.
Such a hard decision isn’t it.
I’m going to reassess my feelings next summer I’ve decided.
Nice to see you on here again x

[hooveringhamabeads]

I think that’s a good point @Floral - as much as I miss him I am also appreciating the benefits of not having a dog right now - no having to go outside for walks in all weathers, no buying ludicrously expensive dog food off the internet because he wouldn’t eat anything else, no vets bills, no having to revolve my life around him and whether he can come with me or having to find someone to leave him with. I think I need some more time to revel in that freedom and spend some more time getting over the loss of ddog.

He’s currently in his bed, in my bedroom, with his ball next to him. He’s just in a box now .

[Snowwontbelong]

Op I had my first ddog from being a toddler. As an only dc she was my dsis!
She was pts when we were both nearly 21!!
I have 4 ddogs now, they are loved as much as all appreciate being loved and give it back so much. As a fantastic ddog owner you owe it to a homeless pooch to share your love and ability!
You know it will be returned ten fold.
And your boy is so handsome!

[Floralnomad]

I don’t think it’s a first dog thing , I’ve had a few dogs but my current dog is the dog love of my life . I would say only get another dog if you miss all the things about a dog not just because you are trying to replace what you had with your dog because you probably won’t . Sorry for your loss .