Heartbroken, we lost our little boy

[Phoenix76]

This is the first thread I have started, and how I wish it wasn't. I am devasted typing this. The love of my love has gone. He was the most beautiful, loving creature I have ever known and he loved being alive. He fought so many battles but lost his last and I can't cope. The whole family are devastated and, the way I feel right now I don't want to be in a world where he isn't here. He loved everyone. 5 years ago he was diagnosed with renal failure and I know I was so lucky to have him those extra years, but it wasn't enough, I miss him so much it physically hurts and I can't stop crying. I just don't know how to get through the days without him. I don't even know why I'm posting I guess I just need someone to tell me it gets easier. Stupid time to post too as I have to go to bed, work and nursery run tomorrow but hoping for some comforting words for when I check in tomorrow night. Sorry for the drivel it just hurts so much. His name was Billy.

[BiteyShark]

I'm so sorry . They become such a loved member of the family and give so much love and joy back.

[tabbycatbythesea]

I’m so sorry for your loss, Billy is gorgeous, I bet he felt blessed to have such a wonderful life with you all

[StewPots]

Sending hugs and for dear Billy. What a lovely looking chap he was. I lost may Harry after 13 years and I am still heartbroken. He will be irreplaceable to me, and he was a million in one dog. It hurts a lot and I miss him. BUT I can now start remembering happy times - he made me laugh every single day. It will get easier OP. Please take care of yourself in the meantime xx

[nellieellie]

Oh my goodness, so few people value their dogs as much as they should. You clearly did in bucketloads. What a lucky dog Billy was, and sounds like you and your family were lucky too, to have had him in your lives. The memory of the dogs I had growing up has stayed with me, they are also part of who I am. I’m sure the same will be true for your DC/DCs. Dogs are just pure love aren’t they? However rubbish your day, however much people let you down, you walk through the door and your dog is there, wagging a tail, always, always pleased to see you. The house seems a colder, empty place without them there. Yes, it will get easier, because in time, you can allow yourself the good memories, whereas all you are feeling now is the pain of loss. You will see that with you he had the best of lives a dog can have, and in the end that’s what counts. So sorry.

[hotwater]

I'm so sorry for your loss, what a darling little face.
I have dealt with previous losses by thinking of the pain as the price I have to pay for all the joy and happiness brought to me by them over the years. I always decide that I would never ever give up those happy times and that therefore the price, high as it is, is worth paying.

[Blodplod]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I dread (dread) the day our girl goes to rainbow bridge. I lost my horse in March, and like you, was (is) devastated. Literally couldn’t stop crying. But that awful rawness does calm down, it does get better and you can start to see that decisions you made were the right ones and you did the very best you could (and more I’m sure). I still well up when I think of my girl, I had her a long long time and she was the most special animal I’ve ever owned for so many different reasons. You’ll never forget Billy, but hopefully in the not too distant future you can start to smile when thinking of him and remembering the good times you had. Thinking of you, it’s the hardest part of owning (falling in love with) a pet. X

[Blodplod]

Girl 1 is dog, girl 2 was horse of my post sounds confusing.

[BalloonDinosaur]

What a gorgeous boy. I'm so sorry for your loss

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

Aww Phoenix I’m so sorry. It is really hard at first but the rawness will wear off and you’ll remember all the happy times. Nothing will ever replace him but I strongly advise getting another one when you’re ready. It certainly helped me. I couldn’t bear having to keep coming home to an empty house and the new puppy was lovely and took my mind off things. You never forget them, they’re like children, they’re all different, but another dog helps enormously. My new boy is nearly three now and whilst he’s not like my old boy, in some ways he’s better, like how much he loves my children whereas my old boy couldn’t stand them!

[DeepfriedPizza]

I am sorry for your loss

[Phoenix76]

You always hear about how awful the human race is and yet here you all are, complete strangers taking the time to offer me comfort. I'm so very grateful to you all and share your pain. You're right, it is the high price we pay for the honour of having them in our lives. Billy was such a happy dog, full of beans, and if you were sad he bound up to you and try to make it better. He survived an attack by another dog where he had his jugular nipped badly, we were told it was unlikely he'd make it as it was so severe and yet to everyone's amazement he did and ended up as a case study for vets. We were told the same thing when he had renal failure, the vet said his blood results were that of a dead dog, again he survived and again ended up as another case study. That little man just wanted to live. We loved him so very much, our holidays were all booked around him, we stayed in budget caravans just so we could bring him and he came everywhere with us. He leaves behind his brother (from the same litter) they've been together since they were puppies and now he's mourning. I just want to thank you all so much you're all amazing for taking the time out to offer words of comfort.

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

You’re very welcome. Glad it’s been of some help. We’ve probably all been on here in your position and had similar words from each other. Sometimes Mumsnet is lovely.

[hotwater]

I'm glad you to hear you have his brother to love and to help you. Hope you can all bring each other comfort.

[Phoenix76]

Thank you MsAdorable and hotwater. It feels like I have no right to grieve in RL (apart from with family) as people may say "he was just a dog". But he wasn't, there is no such thing as "just a dog", I have truly had my eyes opened to the relationships between human and dogs. We assimilate them into our families and they are cherished as a family member. I really don't think I can get over this, my whole body hurts, not for me, for him he didn't deserve it and I should have been able to save him I was his mum.

[Phoenix76]

I'm really sorry to come whimpering back on here. I'm really struggling with this and am getting concerned about whether my feelings are normal. The thought of not seeing Billy again is actually causing physical symptoms, can anyone recommend a pet loss forum please I can't seem to find any uk ones. I know I sound ridiculous but there is a huge void and I can't pull myself together at the moment, help!

[Fosterdog123]

I couldn't pull myself together either. I sobbed for 3 weeks straight. Lay on my bed sobbing great big noisy sobs, feeling utterly broken. That was 5 years ago now and I can only just about go to the spot in the garden where he's buried without breaking down. I've had dogs my whole life and losing them is awful.

The only thing that helps is time. Time takes the edge off a bit.

[Feliciaxxx]

I was off sick for 4 months after I lost my horse of a lifetime. It was the last straw after divorce, house sale etc etc. I couldn't stop crying and I even thought about ending it all. I eventually had 6 months of antidepressants which helped. I then bought back a son of my horse that I had bred and sold and I love him to bits. Hang in there but what you are feeling is normal

[Phoenix76]

Thank you so much fosterdog I feel like I'm going crazy. My heart aches, I feel sick and I just can't stop crying. This is honestly the worst pain I've ever felt. Billy was very much like a baby, I can say this having two human babies. I also feel so angry and want to shout "it's not fair!" He didn't deserve it. I don't know what to do with myself, I have two very young children to look after and I work but it all seems so empty and the thought of Christmas without him is unbearable. I just can't understand why I'm feeling like this 😢

[Catsarecruel]

I am so sorry for your loss. Have lost 3 cats this year to disease and heartbroken over every one. It does get easier although I nearly had a breakdown at one point so I feel your pain. Fill your life with people who get it and remembering what you did for them will eventually help x

[Phoenix76]

Oh felicia yours words make so much sense to me. I feel the same right now, and then I get angry with myself as I have a young family and they need me, but I need Billy more than he ever needed me. Why do we attach ourselves so much to pets, I've got tears streaming down my face as I can't face tomorrow, maybe I should go to the doctor you may be on to something there. I'm so sorry for your loss and the loss of all who have kindly posted x

[Phoenix76]

catsarecruel three times, I'm so sorry. Thank you for taking the time to re-assure me, I'm so grateful, the break down bit I get, this is me right now, I keep thinking I want to join him as the thought of him being alone in the spirit world is unbearable, typing that scares me that yes I need a doctor x

[Catsarecruel]

There are people you can talk to at blue cross - they listened loads to me and never made me feel stupid x

[SpringSnowdrop]

I concur that it is normal and I am so very sorry too- I feel your pain and your working holidays round him struck such a chord with me. It is absolutely grim getting used to something so hard. I hated the keeping going with ordinary things whilst in such grief as it’s all you can do and I think the only other thing that helps is others who understand. I do. (It’s been 7 months since I lost the pet who I will never get over and i still wake with nightmares and it still makes me sad every day and the children feel it too. Like you I wondered if it was normal but I think sometimes a bond is so special a bit of you is lost when you aren’t together.
Thinking of you, one stranger to another, and so wishing you didn’t have to bear this.

[Catsarecruel]

Our animals are our family and it is right to grieve so please don't let anyone sat otherwise

[SpringSnowdrop]

I missed your latest post, yes do definitely see a doctor asap and that is really sensible and important. I don’t think he’d ever feel alone as a dog that loved just knows where they stand and that you’ll always love him as it sounds like everything you ever did showed that to him.