I made that tough decision

[citybumpkin]

Yesterday I made that tough decision re my 14 year old dog. I'm now regretting it. He was old/tired and I think it was time but I wanted him to go naturally, overnight. I'm also thinking that I didn't do enough for him throughout his life. I miss him beyond words.

[mollie123]

for you - it is so hard to make that decision.
The sad thing is most dogs do not go naturally overnight and they cannot tell you how much pain/distress they may be in as many of them are very stoical.

[PenelopeFlintstone]

[bluetongue]

Hugs and be kind to yourself. It's early days and emotions are running high so let yourself grieve. Even when it's the right decision making the call is heart wrenching. Give it some time and you'll look back and the good time and the funny things your dog did and know you did the right thing.

[pklme]

It was time, so it was the right decision. Dogs don't tell us when they have had enough. Far better a day too soon than a day too late as my sister has done several times. Good choice. You will miss him, of course you will. It was the right thing though.

[ClarissaDarling]

Absolutely what pklme has written- there is a lovely poem for this situation "you must do what must be done, don't let grief then stay your hand". It's called 'if it should be' it's very emotional so you may not be ready just now. Unmumsnetty hugs xx

[neonrainbow]

I expect you did do the right thing but now he's not here you're going to have doubts about whether he could have carried on. But you would have been doing that for yourself not for him.

[citybumpkin]

Thank you for all the kind words. I live alone and he was my companion. The one person I could hold/talk to when things were going wrong. Now I feel lost and alone. I knew it was coming and even prepared for it but the reality is far different.

I feel bad that I may have neglected him. I worked full time and left him all day. Sometimes got frustrated with him recently as he was so slow. I feel I didnt care for him enough. He was amazing and I let him down.

[ClarissaDarling]

city any worthy vet would not have PTS if it were not the best judgement. Please don't be hard on yourself.

[hennipenni]

You didn't let him down, you loved him, gave him shelter, food and looked after him throughout his time with you- that's more than some dogs know for even a short time. You did the right thing by him.

[confusedandemployed]

I think you made absolutely the right decision. I know because i made same decision a few months ago. My old girl went downhill very quickly, she was only demonstrably ill for a matter of hours. I could see she'd had enough and i didn't hesitate.

In the weeks that followed I tore myself apart wondering whether I should have kept her going for longer, and whether I should have spotted she was ill sooner.

But I've come to realise I did the right thing. I loved her enough to put her comfort before my own feelings, and so did you. It's the single biggest, final act of love.

Be kind to yourself, and have a big un-MN hug.

[citybumpkin]

Its just so difficult. Its the realisation that after having my little sidekick for so many years, a dog who has seen me through bereavements, relationship breakdowns etc, that now he is not here for me. I will have to go on in life without him by my side. Plus regrets about all the times I shouted at him, or left him when I went to work, or simply didnt bother with him as I watched tv and he slept.

He could never tell me I was doing the right thing or he was angry. I just hope he had a very good life.

[citybumpkin]

Clarissa I couldnt take him to my vet as Im staying elsewhere. My vet is over 100 miles away. He saw a vet we had never met before (but one who a relativd used/trusted). I regret not taking him home, to a place he knew.

[weaselwords]

Ah guilt is the gift that keeps on giving You did right by your old friend and didn't let him suffer. This is the hard bit of pet ownership and shows who really looks after their animals properly no matter the cost to them. Mourn your old pal, but don't give yourself too much of a hard time.

[citybumpkin]

Weasel what do you mean by cost?

[weaselwords]

Emotional cost. If they die overnight you don't have to make the decision for them and its easier on us. Putting an animal to sleep is very hard emotionally.

[citybumpkin]

I really didn't want to make the decision but he had been struggling with his back legs for some time. In the past week he had become restless - not keeping still all night, panting when not really exercising, his tummy gurgling, sleeping a lot - just seemed to want to put his head down all the time, whistling through his nose, reluctant to move when called, and looked rather forlorn. But he was still managing to eat, drink, toilet. I just feel that I exaccerbated it all by putting him in the car - long journey and then being preoccupied with a family issue that needed my attention. This has now led to me thinking about all the possible times I neglected him throughout his life. That I didnt do enough for my gorgeous boy.

[pklme]

IT won't be any comfort to you, but I felt the same about my old man. I regretted every minute I hadn't spent with him. I now know more about dog food and realise I should have fed him differently. I I learnt how to be a dog owner on him, and made mistakes. But you know what? He was happy, we loved him, and did our best.
This loss isn't a sign that you let him down, it's a sign that you loved him very much.

[citybumpkin]

I regret not being around enough but what could I do? Not work? There was just me. And before anyone piles in with "well you shouldn't have a dog". It was a previous partner's decision to take on a dog. I didn't want one. When the ex left I took on DDog.

I adapted his diet over the years. At times he was on mashed potato, chicken and mixed veg. He had the best quality I could afford. I still feel the guilt that I fed him badly.

Guilt over so many things. But would he have lived to 14 if I didnt care and love?

[pklme]

There we are. Sorted. You kept him and looked after him as best you could. You loved him enough to do the kind thing now. And you love him enough to grieve and remember.

[citybumpkin]

Even thinking that all the time I spent lurking on mumsnet meant I wasn't paying him attention.

[citybumpkin]

Pklme I loved him beyond words. I will struggle without him. It has always been him and me taking on the world. He was always there when I was feeling low. He somehow knew. I just feel very lost without him. No routine, noone to care for, no unconditional love.

[Moanranger]

I just had to make the same decision and it is the right one to make when they are clearly going downhill, but still have a bit of dignity left. He seems to have coped with being left -obi not ideal, but if you were caring in all other ways, this makes no difference. His living 14+ years suggests you were doing something right!
Before having my DDog PTS I lost two animals in circumstances completely out of my control & not very nice for them. It is a great kindness to them to PTS quickly & gently. Hugs to you.

[citybumpkin]

Thanks for the hugs moanranger and sorry to hear about your losses. I just want to know I did the best for him throughout his life. I know I couldnt have spent 24hrs a day keeping him company but I do feel guilty. I suppose we had our own routine for us which worked. An understanding. He would cry when I left him each morning. He even cried when I left him with friends/family. I think he missed me.

[puppydogmummy]

I'm having to make that decision today for my best boy, in floods of tears reading this but it has been a comfort. I just can't imagine him not being around. It's so painful and hard and emotional.

[citybumpkin]

Sorry you're having to make that decision too It will be tough for some time. I'm currently at my parents for xmas and dreading returning home. He won't be there on the back seat of the car. I won't be able to hold his paw if I get stuck in traffic or to tell him we're nearly there. The house will be so very empty without him.