Is anyone watching Finding Me a Family ?

[Italiangreyhound]

Finding Me a Family is on now on Channel 4.

Very, very moving.

[jugotmail]

I want to take them all home

[everywhichwaybut]

Loved the program, I hope that couple in their 50's adopt Lewis, they seem so well suited!

[Newtothismumthing1]

YES! Close to tears. Not sure if I like these “days”- it feels like kid shopping with further potential rejection. The two black boys broke my heart!

[everywhichwaybut]

Oh ok just saw the update (no spoilers!) and cried a little bit.

[CakeNinja]

I did, was really sad viewing.
Felt awful when the fun day was over, as the kids know why they are there and are possibly naively thinking they will find families and go home with them there and then (although I'm certain they're told exactly what will happen, they're still kids).
Just left me with a feeling of needing to build more bedrooms on to my house and offer them all space to stay.
Heartbreaking about the 4 children possibly not being able to remain together
Just all round sad really.

[TheFaerieQueene]

There is something in my eye.

Wishing Lewis and is parents a wonderful life and I hope all the other children find homes together.

[Thirtyrock39]

The ending was so lovely I properly sobbed but now worried about the sibling groups who will probably get split up

[Newtothismumthing1]

Am I correct in thinking there is no additional financial support when you adopt- (unlike fostering)....Realistically I cannot imagine many people in a position to take on 4 children at once. So heartbreaking

[Italiangreyhound]

@Newtothismumthing1 the children have a one in four chance if finding a family, that is very good for them.

[Italiangreyhound]

*Cake "...are possibly naively thinking they will find families and go home with them."

I very much think the foster families would ensure the kids knew that would not be happening. There are no circumstances where that would happen. So I am very sure foster families would prepare the kids.

We have adopted but did not meet our son through an activity day.

[TeaPleaseTa]

To answer the PP, there can be an adoption allowance if you have a low income (it's mean tested) and the child/ren have certain additional needs. We recently adopted a disabled child who fits the second criteria but we don't get anything due to DH's income.

[Italiangreyhound]

Cake you are right it was very sad. Especially thinking of siblings breaking up. But for some, like Lewis, it was the best thing. I think the programme will encourage approved adopters to come forward, I really hope so

[Italiangreyhound]

Yes four in one go would be huge! I did think maybe that family would be better placed than most.

I was so delighted with the ending but sad for all the kids not matched.

[CakeNinja]

Italian, I know, but at the end of the day, these kids know they're being shown to potential families! If they form a connection, in a childs head that has the potential to get their hopes up.
And one of the social workers came across as being quite disingenuous towards the end about the child and circumstances.
Basically, I felt sad after watching it!
My cousins were adopted as babies as were some friends children so in my very limited experience, the little ones are more appealing, the older ones are looked over.
I think what really resonated was the thought of separating the siblings. Having 3 myself, I can't imagine how they would all cope without each other.

[Italiangreyhound]

Yes Cake I see what you mean.

I think I find it much more positive because they are already in care so adoption activity day or not, they are already in care. At least this gives them a better chance of finding a family.

It was sad, of course, but I guess I feel the happiness outweighs the sadness.

It is very sad to think of siblings being split up but they do still maintain contact if they are all adopted.

Also, it is sometimes, like Lewis, in their best interests to be split up. You are right it is impossible to imagine though.

[purpleme12]

I did feel really sad for the brothers and sisters who will probably be split up.

But I cried when those people adopted Lewis it was just amazing

[Littlehenrylee]

I’m from a country that there are very few children available to adopt. People who want to adopt fill in so many firms, interviews, assessments but are rarely able to adopt children from their own country, the exception is sometimes a long term foster carer may apply and be granted adoption if the parents agree. Most people go to America, China or Russia and after waiting years and years may be lucky enough to get a child if their own.

When I first saw this programme, I was in disbelief. It is like the people are shopping for children. I bawled my eyes out. Then I hoped it was some sort of social test but it seems these days actually are real. I find it absolutely heart breaking.

[Italiangreyhound]

Littlehenrylee what aspect of it do you find heartbreaking? The fact they are in care or the fact there are activity days to try and find them families who can care for them?

[purpleme12]

But if it's proven to work it must be worth it...

[Littlehenrylee]

I find it heartbreaking that there are so many children looking for homes and the idea of people shopping for children very very distressing.

[Italiangreyhound]

Littlehenrylee it is very distressing that so many children are not able to live with their birth parents but in what way do you consider this 'shopping'?

Do you know the way children would normally be matched in the UK if not for this type of activity?

[Littlehenrylee]

Financial stability, ethnic background, all manner of psychological assessments to prove parental ability to meet the child’s needs are undertaken in my country but to little avail as there aren’t many children put up for adoption. Potential adopters wait years and years for the gift of a child frequently spending their life savings and borrowing to fly to the countries that may have children they can adopt but for many that dream is never realised and they never get a child. They certainly don’t get to pick and choose and before watching this programme I thought only celebrities with excessive wealth did that.

[everywhichwaybut]

I'm interested in your comments Henry, which country in this and what do you think the reasons are for such a dramatic difference in children available to adopt? Is there a better social care system so families stay together or do more children get fostered rather than adopted?

Adopters here also cross many hurdles before they are cleared to adopt. The people you saw on the program would have been through months or even years of rigorous checks. I wouldn't call it shopping exactly, I think it's designed with hard to place children in mind.

So potential adopters may not be considering a seven year old boy when given a report about him, but when they meet him they feel a click or a bond that they couldn't have known about from a report/
I think that's the rationale.

[Italiangreyhound]

Littlehenrylee The picking and choosing is really on the part of the child's social worker/family finder etc who make the decisions. Adopters in the UK go through all the tests and checks you talk about and would not get to an adoption activity day until they had been through those checks and approved to adopt.

After matching adopters then go to a matching panel, where a decision is made by a panel and then ratified by a final decision maker.

I think there are two different issues here. One is the way system works for hard to place children, older children, sibling groups etc, (as in the programme). This gives the children the best chance to find a family since instead of just hearing details about children prospective adopters get the chance to meet the children.

The other is the situation in your country where children are not released for adoption. No idea why that is. Is it because all children are in happy, healthy families? Or is it because once taken into care the children are not released for adoption?

[Italiangreyhound]

Cross posted with everywhichwaybut.

Littlehenrylee what I mean by "The picking and choosing is really on the part of the child's social worker/family finder etc" is that they can only choose those who put themselves forward for the process. You heard in the programme there are more boys in the system (not sure if it was England or the UK as a whole) and the family who adopted said originally they would prefer a girl. Meeting the children widened their options and by doing that widened the options of the children waiting in the system.

The way the system works for less hard to place children is potential adopters are offered information, on paper (with or without a photo) and make a decision based on that info.

Adopters need to decide if they think they can meet the needs of the child who is suggested. The system is set up to ensure the best possible outcome for the child, not for the adopters.