How much do you spend on 14yr old clothes - am I being tight?

[MRSVICTOR]

DSD is 14 and we give her £10.00 pocket money every week, for this has some chores i.e. fills the dishwasher after dinner and does her own ironing (bliss no more uniforms). Her pocket money is for socialising, make up etc. We buy her clothes plus birthday and christmas money we now suggest she buys clothes with.

The amount of things we've bought her and she's never worn or worn only once is obscene. I'm starting to grudge every penny but as we've had another big clearout her wardrobe is looking bare again. She wants Uggs (no way)and has a penchant for party dresses which never see the light of day.

Maybe I should be tougher and only purchase 'sensible' stuff I know she'll wear - how does everyone else manage? On her way out there she's just said "oh you need to take me to Topshop soon I've nothing to wear...." Grrrrr

[CarGirl]

My ex gives dd monthly pocket money & her contract phone (if she goes over the allowances she has to pay!) not sure how much it is though - not huge £35 at a guess.

I buy dd pants, socks, school uniform (which includes lots of sports stuff) and I will buy the odd thing from Tesco or car boot if I think she needs it & will wear it. She goes get clothes for presents from most of the family other than that she buys her own.

IME they wear the same 3 or 4 outfits for months on end and not a lot else so why worry if their wardrobe is bare? Actually dd has been given hand me downs at times too. I

[webwiz]

I tend to do "seasonal" shopping for my teens, so I have just checked what they actually have that is wearable and then for winter added a couple of pairs of jeans, a checked shirt and a hoodie. I usually have a budget in my head so if they have bargain jeans then there is spare money for something else. Extra "fun" shopping comes from their own money.

[janeite]

It's really difficult isn't it?

We get dd1 (14) a couple of pairs of jeans a year and basics like long sleeved tops, cardigans etc. We also buy her a couple of pairs of shoes and a pair of boots each year. She buys the more 'fashiony' stuff with a monthly allowance of 30 squid (she waits for the salaes and for Christmas Topshop vouchers) herself and makes her own skirts. She has also found some good bargains in the M&S Limited Collection sales in the past.

[Tortington]

i buy DD clothes when she needs them - that sounds so obvious but what i mean is - she will say "i have no jeans that fit me" and she won't have any - not that she has some she won't wear IYSWIM.

so just as and when she needs something. and not frivolous stuff - i think if your dd wants party dresses at 14 they dhould come out of her own monye

[WailingGhoshe]

I buy all 14 year old DGd's uniform, and school shoes, as she needs them, she has 30.00 a month pocket money which includes 10.00 phone credit.

DH then usually gives her 30.00 to go shopping with. I usually take her once a month.

She usually heads for Primark, and can kit herself out there with everything she wants.

We have bought her a pair of real Uggs for Christmas, but that will be all she is getting.

[frogs]

I think there's no substitute for going shopping with them and talking them through each purchase: "What will you wear it with, what kind of occasions will you wear it for, how much use do you think you'll get out of it, what else could you buy with the money?" Not in a confrontational way, just to encourage them to think practically about each purchase.

The 'cost per wear' equation needs to be spelt out pretty explicitly, ie. £40 on a pair of Top Shop jeans that they'll wear several times a week for two years is a good buy, the same £40 on a party dress that they wear once is not.

In Sept dd1 really did need some new clothes, incl jeans, some T shirts and a hoody type top. I gave her £100, and her eyes were like saucers as I counted out the twenties. But once she hit the shops (I went with her) reality bit pretty fast, and she quite quickly started saying things like, "OMG, £30 for a T-shirt, that's outrageous, I'm not paying that!" which was v. v .gratifying for me.

IME they're much more careful about spending their own money than they are about spending yours. So you either need to keep a much tighter hold on your purse strings and make her justify each item you buy, or you need to estimate a budget for what she needs, give her the cash and leave her to it, with the warning that that's it for the next six months.

[hercules1]

I do what Custardo does. We buy when ds needs them or if he has a party to go to we might take him to topshop to buy a top if he's had nothing new for a while.

[castille]

I have to buy DD1's clothes because there is no uniform here and it costs a fortune to keep her in jean etc that she will accept to wear at a time when she's growing like a beanstalk.

However, I think the best idea is to buy things you and she agree she needs, and anything you think is unnecessary or will sit unworn in her wardrobe, she has to buy herself.

[jemart]

Thinking back to when I was a teenager, having to buy my own clothes out of an allowance did not work very well. In part due to not knowing what I should buy so getting too many impractical things and no basics, but also due to lack of shopping opportunities. As a youngster I was very crap with money.

Much better IMO to reduce her allowance by half and then buy her £120 worth of new clothes every 6 months according to her needs. If there is money left over she can pick out some fun stuff, shoes/accessories etc.

[cory]

Our nearly 13yo gets £10.00 for a monthly allowance. On top of that we keep her in basic clothes (school uniform, basic shoes and trainers for PE, enough other clothes to cope, enough underwear and socks), basic hygiene articles (toothpaste, basic deo, sanitary equipment)- anything above that comes out of the allowance. Clothes shopping has usually come about when she has had something like a school trip come up and I have realised to my shame that she doesn't actually own the three long-sleeved tops of whatever that are on the list to bring. She has a good sense of money and so far we go shopping together.

I don't think we buy her more than she needs, it's more likely to be the sudden embarrassing moment when she waves a pair of knickers under my nose and points to the label that says For age 5. Or when my own clothes start disappearing... I'm not good with clothes.

[MRSVICTOR]

Oh the cost per wear thing is my personal ringtone, I'm always harping on about it, but you're right we need to have that chat AGAIN.
DSD will no longer set foot in Primark which is where I intend to get her coat from (as she'll never wear it). Last month we went to Topshop and I did try the limit her to a budget to spend as she liked (£100.00) She chose, yes you've guessed it, a blazer which i've seen on about 3 times and a fifty quid handbag! I need to be tougher I suppose, I probably didn't spell out how long that would have to do her for. Oh its a steep learning curve all this.....ah just twigged there's also the £15.00 new contract phone.....

[MRSVICTOR]

at your 12yr old wearing age 5 knickers...

[janeite]

DD2 (12) still insists on squeezing herself into a pair of teeny tiny Harry Potter knickers.

Cost per wear is a good way of looking at it. I must admit that i don't like my dds shopping in primark (although they have been known to go in with friends) but Topshop is mainly over-priced tat to my aged mind. For basics, Gap sale, M&S and Dotty P's are okay.

Mrs Vicor - yes, I think you guiding her more is good - no way would I let my dd spend 50 pounds on a bag. I wouldn't spend that on a bag for me!

[cory]

Well, she is slim, but even so...it's the kind of anecdote you might want to tell your dd (and you think we are hard and stingy )

But the truth is, I just hate going clothes shopping.

[MRSVICTOR]

She shows no interest in M&S, Dotty P's etc....River Island some but not much. I agree totally overpriced tat. Hey ho.

and another thing, when they get together as friends they 'go out for dinner' or go 'out for lunch' - when I was that age we sat in a friends bedroom, blew smoke out the windows and drank cheap lager (well not quite at 14) but we certainly didn't 'do lunch'. No wonder she can't save up for clothes....

[janeite]

DD1 'goes out for lunch' but only for soup and a can of coke in Eat usually.

I think it's a really difficult age tbh. DD likes Urban Outfitters but that is even more extortianate than Topshop.

We bought her a sewing machine last Christmas and she makes herself cute little skirts with fabric from the market - maybe we need to send them all to sewing classes?!

[seeker]

My dd is a charity shop fiend - she LOVES vintage1y clothes!

I buy the basics - jeans, t shirts, hoodies and a couple of going out outfits. She buys everything else from her pocket money (20 pounds a month) and anything she can earn.

[MRSVICTOR]

Chances of DD learning to sew/going into charity shop = 0% unfortunately.
She also likes Urban Outfitters but I won't even go in with her because its sooo expensive and I'm too soft.
Will take her into town next week with a shopping list of Coat/boots that aren't Ugg/jeans/long sleeve top and see where we go from there..

[CarGirl]

I have to say my dd is only nearly 13 and has spent the last 2 years growing at an alarming rate probably 5 inches - possibly more so she genuinely has got through a lot more clothes than normal. Also started secondary school when they start suddenly getting a lot more into clothes etc.

Basically I buy as little as possible.

[BonsoirAnna]

With my DSSs (14, 12) I make them do a massive try-on of all their clothes in front of me at the beginning of each season, and then we decide what goes to recycling and what they can still wear. And then we decide what they need to complete their wardrobe for the following season, and I take them shopping for it.

As they don't have school uniform, their clothes get pretty well worn. School uniform is such a bind at this age when they want new, fashionable clothes often.

[CybilLiberty]

I spend virtually nothing on dd. But she saves up her birthday and Xmas money for clothes.

[BonsoirAnna]

Huh! You haven't met princesse DSS1

[BonsoirAnna]

You can give them a daywear budget, but insist on buying coats/shoes/party wear separately.

[seeker]

"Chances of DD learning to sew/going into charity shop = 0% unfortunately"

Not giving her any money for clothes if she is going to be ungracious or ungrateful might concentrate her mind a bit! There is NO WAY I would buy my dd a 50 quid handbag! And no way I would not have some control on what she spent 100 pounds of my money (as opposed to hers) on!