Hi all. Just found out today that my DD (age 16 and 7 months) had sex for the first time last night with her boyfriend (he is 17 - 18 later this year). I have to admit I didn't react in the best way - I burst into tears when she told me!
She has been "speaking to" this lad for 2 months now and recently they have been spending more time together. He took her out for their first proper date last night (ie for dinner) and then she stayed over at his - he lives quite far away so his parents had said she could stay over. We had previously discussed sex but she had said she wasn't ready yet. I was taking the measured approach (or so I thought) which was that if she was going to do it, she would do it so there was no point in me not allowing her to stay over. Now I am wondering if I have made it too easy for her and I should not have allowed her to stay over. She didn't exactly volunteer the information but when I asked her how the evening had gone, she looked at me a bit funny and I just had a feeling - so I asked her if anything had happened and she told me they had DTD.
I can't believe or understand how badly I have taken it - I am really worried. Pregnancy, STIs, worries about him spreading it around their group. Worried he will now drop her. It's not like I haven't thought about this and I've talked to her about sex - along the lines of its not a bad thing with the right person, and its your body but don't feel pressurised and make sure you are safe etc- don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with etc.
Yet here I am in tears!! DH is at work so can't discuss with him. DD says she felt ready/in a good place, they used a condom, he's a lovely lad to her, he's already texted her to say can they go out to dinner again on Tuesday, he didn't pressure her etc.
Okay - so now getting to the point and looking for advice.
Do I now talk to her about her going on the pill? What have others done? I worry that if she does go on the pill it could encourage sex without a condom. But if she doesn't, the risk of pregnancy is higher.
She says she's not planning of having sex "every weekend" now that its happened, but all the same,, I would be naive to think it won't happen again. She was quite a late developer and only started her periods about 5 months ago and they are not regular. She's very scatty and I'm not sure she would remember to take the pill every day - so would the implant be better?
To those who have been through this - what did you do and what did you find most helped your DD?
I've calmed down a bit and apologised to her for the tears/freaking out - I really don't want to make this about me/my feelings or to make her feel she can't talk to me or I will be upset - she said "it's okay, I understand" and gave me a big hug which made me feel even more ridiculous.
I am fully aware she is 16 and an adult and I am honestly not a helicopter parent - that's why I am shocked at my reaction.
all advice welcome.
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DD sexually active - advice on what to do next
31 replies
saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 01/04/2017 15:42
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