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18yo DS wants to stay at home

(38 Posts)
Lemonylemon Mon 27-Jul-15 14:37:00

while me and DD (7) go on holiday for a week. I don't trust him. He is adamant nothing will happen and he's not going to have a big party. Is it me? I'm really not happy.

GraysAnalogy Mon 27-Jul-15 14:38:43

has he got the option of coming with you? Why doesn't he want to go?

Why don't you trust him?

Sorry just need a bit more info!

Buttercup27 Mon 27-Jul-15 14:38:54

I don't think you can force him to go as he's 18 but maybe you could get someone to house sit for you.

Lemonylemon Mon 27-Jul-15 14:43:58

Yes, he's got the option of coming along. He was part of the group going. He's just said it's boring and we do boring things. He says he would prefer going on holiday with his mates. The holiday has been booked for ages and he has dropped this little bomblet today. Five days before we go.

I don't trust him because I have let him have a party out in the back garden on NYE and ended up having to placate the neighbours when DS's mates kicked down next door's back fence. We had a BBQ for DS's 18th at the end of May and I had to go out and clear up broken glass from the neighbours' (plural) back gardens....

Floralnomad Mon 27-Jul-15 14:47:43

In that case I'd tell him that if he's not coming then he's not stopping at home so he can either find a family member or friend to stay with - then you take away any keys he has ,lock the house and tell a neighbour or friend to contact you / police if they see anyone in the house whilst you are away . BTW I'd happily leave my teen and older dc home but yours has proven himself to be untrustworthy.

GraysAnalogy Mon 27-Jul-15 14:48:37

That means you'll have paid for him won't you, I'd be furious about that!

And I don't blame you at all for not letting him have the house to himself. Is there anyone to house sit?

Lemonylemon Mon 27-Jul-15 14:55:59

He's adamant that he's not going to go to stay with a relative. He says that he's 18 and an adult and doesn't need babysitting.

JeanSeberg Mon 27-Jul-15 14:59:19

He says that he's 18 and an adult and doesn't need babysitting

When he can prove he can act like an adult, he'll get treated like one. He goes on the holiday, end of.

Maroonie Mon 27-Jul-15 15:01:34

Well ask him where he is going to stay then.
If he doesn't need you to organise him somewhere to stay 'cause he's 18' then he can find his own accommodation for the week.

TheOneWiththeNicestSmile Mon 27-Jul-15 15:04:46

He may not need babysitting but your house does grin

2 choices for him - come on the holiday or stay somewhere else (as long as you can make completely sure he won't be able to get in)

& I'd try very hard to get a house-sitter if he stays behind


Lemonylemon Mon 27-Jul-15 15:12:40

Thanks all. I'm glad it's not me. These are all arguments I've put forward and just get shouted at because I don't trust him. Because he's 18 and an adult. Ad nauseam.

TheOneWiththeNicestSmile Mon 27-Jul-15 15:21:16

You don't trust him because (so far) he's proved himself/his friends untrustworthy.

I never understand why teenagers don't quite get this reasoning grin

Lemonylemon Mon 27-Jul-15 15:24:31

No, nor do I.... sad

takeinyourhen Mon 27-Jul-15 15:31:40

What are his plans for September?
Does he have a job?

I'd not trust him either, nor would I want my holiday spoilt worrying every day about what you're going to go home to.

Rosieliveson Mon 27-Jul-15 15:35:46

I agree with the posters who say that trust needs to be earned. That's what you tell him. Being 18 and an 'adult' does not automatically earn trust or adult treatment.
It's understandable that you do not want to leave him at home unsupervised when even supervised events have gone awry.
I don't know how you could force him to go with you though. I suppose the only option would be to get a friend/relative to stay with him or tell him either you all go or no one goes.

AngieBolen Mon 27-Jul-15 15:43:54

If he refuses to go on a holiday you've paid for make it clear you will be paying for no more holidays for him in the future.

Also make it clear that it's not him you're worried about, it's the house, and he is not staying there alone, as you don't trust him based on his and his friends previous behaviour. The house will be closed for the week you are away, and he can either choose to come with you, or find alternative accommodation.

He's behaving like a big toddler.

Lemonylemon Mon 27-Jul-15 15:46:02

Thank you everybody. I was wondering if I was over-reacting, but I don't think I am. I will worry all holiday, I know I will.

He has a bit of a chequered history of school/college. Got asked to leave a college course last year because of bad attendance. Spent the last year doing sweet FA, not even helping around the house (ie. cleaning up after himself). Starting a new course this September.

cdtaylornats Mon 27-Jul-15 19:09:17

Friend of mine installed a doorman/bouncer from his pub to stand at the house door and block visitors. His DS wasn't happy.

wickedwaterwitch Mon 27-Jul-15 19:12:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wickedwaterwitch Mon 27-Jul-15 19:15:01

Have read your posts properly now, NFW! I'd say he must come with you, as you've paid but the alternative is NOT being home alone

Much sympathy!

Gymbob Mon 27-Jul-15 21:02:21

if all else fails, pay for him to go away with a mate at he same time. I think I'd even consider a hefty donation towards the mate's costs.

anything to keep him out of my house. wouldn't care about the cost. I will be in the same situation with dd soon. hell will freeze over before she's left home alone.

GraysAnalogy Mon 27-Jul-15 21:11:27

Like hell I'd pay for him to go off and have a jollie after 1. He'd pulled out last minute of the originally holiday because it's 'boring' and 2. He can't be trusted in the house.

feckitall Mon 27-Jul-15 21:16:29

OP ...As he has shown himself to be untrustworthy he will have to earn it back. In the meantime he will have to make alternative an adult..

When I was 18 my DM and her dickhead DH were going abroad. The day they were leaving his DM turned up with bags. She had been asked to 'babysit' me. She thought it had been discussed with me, it hadn't, I was fuming.
They had no reason to not trust me and I had no wild fact no real friends at all...I just wanted to be independent for 2 weeks!
After 2 days she announced it was unfair on me and I was quite capable of managing and went home. She was lovely unlike her prick DS!
I left home the following year and her DS hasn't spoken to me unless forced to since...30 years has passed!

badg3r Mon 27-Jul-15 21:25:03

Has he got a job? If he's 18 and an adult he will of course manage to buy his own food/bus fares etc while you are away... wink I would be uncomfortable too.

Lemonylemon Tue 28-Jul-15 09:12:37

<Brainwave> I could ask him if he wants to bring his friend along on our holiday - there are enough beds wink grin

Him staying at home by himself for a week is just not going to happen.

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