No periods yet - concerned

[lucjam]

Ok, so my DD is 12 yrs 7 months - I know this is way too soon to start worrying that she hasn't started her periods but bear with me.

She is 5 foot 6 and growing daily, about 9.5 stone, size 6 feet. I believe that she has pubic hair but I'm not allowed to see her naked AT ALL. She told me that she shaves it all off, I said I was ok with her shaving armpits and legs but not ok with her shaving her public hair. That was something she could do when she was older if she so wished. She has boobs, is a size 34A.

We allow her privacy, we knock before going in her room etc. She always changes by her door so she can slam it shut if you try to enter when she is changing.

About 8 months ago she asked me for a bigger bra (via a note left on my pillow) and said she was worried about periods. I tried to talk about it to her but she won't discuss it. She was mortified going for her first bra fitting but the lady in M&S was lovely so that helped.

I wonder if she is somehow managing to mentally stop herself from starting her periods?

I started at 12 yrs 3 months, my sister was 11 years old. I know these things are familial that coupled with her height and weight make me think that something is not right.

I don't plan to take her to the GP, I know they would just say that it was too soon to worry etc etc. She would be really cross if I suggested it.

We are quite an open family, kids have always seen us naked and we don't make a big deal about bodies etc. I've bought her books about puberty and am open to discussion, she does know this. I do make sure that I don't go on about it. She can ask anything. I don't embarrass easily.

I don't think that she has started and not told me, there is no evidence of this at all. She is all prepared with a little make up bag in her school bag with spare knickers, sanitary towels, nappy sacks etc. She didn't want to carry it in her bag but I explained that if she wasn't prepared and it happened at school she would have to go see matron to to spare her blushes she should carry it with her.

Sorry this is so long! Any experience/advice welcome.

[WhyBeHappyWhenYouCouldBeNormal]

Back off mother! it will happen when it happens!

I would only be concerned if perhaps she was anorexic or has other health problems that delayed or stopped periods - but otherwise leave the poor child be. All teenagers worry about periods.

[slug]

If she's not the type to talk to you about these things then there's not much you can do about it.

My DD started her periods just before her 13th birthday. I found buying her this was useful.

[bobs123]

I agree with the others...we're all different...my mum was 8 when she started I was 11, I have friends who were 15...

[lucjam]

I think my post came across wrong, my concern is that she is mentally so worried about it she is somehow stopping it. I don't need to 'back off' why there was no need to be rude. I don't discuss it with her or push her, I let her be.

[Mabelface]

I don't know exactly what you're worried about. She won't be able to mentally stop them from starting and she's still young. I was nearly 15. Just relax and it'll happen when it does. Just because you don't get embarrassed doesn't mean that she won't.

[Jinglebells99]

If only you could stop periods by mentally blocking it! I don't think you need to worry yet. She is still well within the range of what is normal. I probably wouldn't go to the doctor until she hadn't started by 15 or so. I would just make sure you have lots of towels, disposal bags etc available and that she has stuff with her at school.

[Groovee]

My friend looked like she should have started her periods but was a few months after me at 13, yet she started developing at 9. My dd has tiny boobs, but started just the month before she was 13.

It will happen when the time is right for her.

[FannyFanakapan]

my DD was the last one in her form group to get her period. She was nearly 14. She had mini boobs and hair and had reached her full height...SHe also fretted terribly about it.

(When they finally arrived, she was so excited, but within 6 hours she was moaning about having to do this fr the next 30+ years! )

DOnt fret, Tell her not to fret. If she hasn't started by 15, I would take her to the GP, but at 12, she is fine.

[FannyFanakapan]

oh, and DD had an increased discharge for 6 months or so before...something to look for maybe.

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

I didn't start my periods until I was 15, neither did my daughter. Leave her alone, until she wants to talk to you. As long as she knows you're approachable, then let her do it in her own time.

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

I bought a brilliant book when my daughter was approaching that time. Called "The Period Book" by Karen Gravelle and her 15-yr old niece, Jennifer.

Written beautifully for teenage girls who might be at all worried or concerned. I'll fish it out to look for the ISBN number if you like and think it might help.

[DuckandCat]

OP what is the actual 'worry' though? What's the big deal around starting your period?

Even if she spoke about them to you all day every day it wouldn't change anything. I'm not having a go, I just don't understand what you are so worried about

And do people really monitor their teens' discharge?! That's just odd.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

What on earth are you worrying about?

Maybe you are genuinely concerned about her emotional state but your post comes across very strangely.

[Middleagedmotheroftwo]

My DD's friend started at 16. She is very (very) tall, slim, no boobs etc - boyish figure. not sure if any of that makes any difference. GP will tell you to wait for several more years yet.

[NomNomDePlum]

i was fifteen, sisters were all twelve. and i had great whopping boobs for a year before it arrived.

really, i don't think medically there's a worry before seventeenish.

[FannyFanakapan]

duckanddcat....no monitoring - DD highlighted it to me...but I can see how you might have thought that. Knicker police [Grin] - Grim!

[TheWhiteRoad]

I'm not really sure what you're worrying about.

She will not be able to 'will' her periods into starting later.

She sounds very private and reluctant to discuss the changes in her body. Perhaps she is embarrassed? This is all very common in girls of her age.

I would make sure you keep in plenty of pads for when she starts. She could keep them in her room so she can deal with it on her own if that's what she prefers.

BTW, I don't think it's any of your business what your daughter chooses to do about her body hair.

[DuckandCat]

That makes more sense Fanny. It's lovely that DD is so open with you, I'd have rather died than discuss discharge with my Mother, still would actually

[Claybury]

She's far too young for you to be concerned Imo.
DD was also very tall but had no signs of periods until she was 15. I was 13 so it isn't necessarily a family thing. I think girls do most of their growing before the periods begin IYSWIM. I guess it wouldn't be healthy to be pregnant and still growing upwards. So taller girls start later even if they appear more 'mature'.
When DD had no periods at 15 I asked the gynaecologist who said only be concerned if there are no signs of puberty at all ( at 15). This wasn't the case.
Relax , she will start when her body is ready. You do sound a bit over involved. Of course teens won't wish to be seen naked by their parents !

[pastaofplenty]

To all those who say don't worry I agree to a point but can I just say that not starting periods can be sign of underlying health issues (not necessarily anorexia etc) I worried that my DD's periods hadn't started and we went to the GP who was wonderful and able to ask the right questions - it turned out she had a rare hormonal disorder that had stopped her development. So I would say OP it is very unlikely that anything is "wrong" with your DD but if you are worried go with your instinct - and others, there can be reasons why periods don't come when you think they "should".

[Endler32]

I wouldn't worry, the later she starts the better, I'm worried sick about my dd as she's not quite 11, has b cup boobs and pubic hair, I don't want her to start this early . I was 14 when I started and had a few friends the same age that still hadn't, I think most start between 11 and 16.

[mynameissecret]

The fact she's still growing would suggest to me she's not hitting that stage of puberty yet as there seems to be a correlation between reaching your full height and periods starting. Also she might take that side of her dev from her dads side not yours.

[monkeyfacegrace]

On a side note, I GUARANTEE she is not a 34A bra.
Look at the bra intervention threads. That size is almost unheard of.

[lucjam]

I didn't realise that they did all their growing before periods started. I'm sure she will end up taller than me so that makes sense. Thanks myname

I'm not necessarily worried just surprised as many of her friends who are much smaller in height and weight have started. We've had the usual mums nights out and the subject has been raised and everyone is always surprised when I say that DD hasn't yet had a period.

I think that I expected her to start early as she had 2 bleeds between the age of 2 and 3, we had to see a paediatrician who sent us for an ultra sound etc. He said all looked well and only come back if she bled again before the age of 7, anything after that was considered within the realms of normal.

monkey I'll take a look at the bra thread, maybe M & S bra fitters aren't all they are cracked up to be!!

thewhiteroad why don't you think it's my business what she does with her body hair? She is 12 not 16! To my mind shaving of public hair is a thing to do with sexual likes/dislikes. I don't want her to shave.