Is punk rock, piercings etc. bad news? What kind of kids?

[croquet]

Hi,
DSD (16) is very into hard punk music and has several piercings, skipping school etc. and smoking. I don't want advice on discipline etc. as I can't do anything about that but I just wanted to know if anyone knows anything general about this scene. Is it mostly really lost kids who will end up failing and on the dole, or is it simply this age's rebellion and like being a hippy/skater was in my day and kids will generally snap out of it and pick up.
It doesn't seem like anyone older than about 18 is into it, which is a good sign.
Any experience?

[MrsBright]

I was a punk-ish. Blue spikey hair, ripped trousers, spots.

Then I stopped snarling at the world and grew up.

[croquet]

Oh that's good to know. What age did you start coming out of it?

[dexter73]

Liz Hurley used to be a punk!!

[Xfirefly]

I had piercings, wild hair, into heavy metal (still am) until 19. I still have pink hair tbh . I never skipped school or had a bad attitude though. most teens grow out of it I believe.

[MrsBright]

18.

I passed a shop window and realised what a prat I looked sideways on.

[croquet]

Yes I think it's the naughty behaviour that comes with it, maybe the punk stuff is a wildcard. After all lots of the clever/posh kids at my school were punks. But she has got in with a bad crowd who are all v. anti school (and into drug culture references). The kind of people who would be in a 'deviant society' at uni...if they passed their exams to get there.

[croquet]

lol Mrsbright!!!

[NigellasDealer]

i dont know - surely that kind of thing is normal at that age? what would you prefer? an automaton model kid in twinset and pearls?

[croquet]

No, no. I was just wondering about other experiences. This is all very reassuring anyway.

[IHeartKingThistle]

My twopence worth... I taught secondary for years until recently. In my experience (if that counts for anything!) the punk/goth kids seemed to come out the other side OK, unless they had real family problems or mental health problems on top of the rest of it. The ones that stayed lost were the hoodies/townies or whatever they're called. Those kids are failing in droves.

HTH

[WeAreEternal]

It's not the music, style or piercings you have to worry about, it's the people she is spending time with.
She could be a chav or a popular princess and still be skipping school with a hideous attitude.

90% of teens are who they are friends with, so if she is spending time with delinquent wasters she will likely become one.

Fwiw I was a serious punk in my teens, I had lots of piercings, I smoked, I drank, I skipped school and I had a serious attitude but I turned out ok, eventually I went off to uni and did well and now I have a good career.

[everythinghippie29]

My hair has been every colour, I have piercings and in my teens had a Mohawk and listened ( still listen) to lots of hard punk, metal etc.

I went to university, got my degree and have never had a problem getting work despite it. Granted my look is less extreme now but a lot of my good friends are still punks/rockers and are lovely, happy people. There are some who don't work, most do and it is their life, their identity and they are happy.

I say let it take its course, she may change her look and style as she gets older or she may always be a punk, the more you embrace it and accept that her choices are exactly that, HERS, you can focus on developing a relationship outside of her appearance/musical tastes.

[croquet]

Thanks everyone-- I just wanted to check that she was safe and this wasn't a warning sign. It is so hard to decode from the outside! But she does have a clear personality that goes beyond her punk stuff.

[NeoFaust]

My brother was a skater stoner til he was 16.

Now he's an officer in the Royal Horse Guards.

Don't be worried.

[stickydate65]

My dd is 15 next month and I share your concerns croquet. She's into screamo music, would love to have piercings and tattoos but thankfully not old enough yet! We thought this was just a phase and have tried to be cool about it but lately we've discovered she's smoking and regularly trying to skip school, headaches, miss the bus etc. We don't really like the people she's hanging around with (but from memory that always made my friends seem more attractive if my parents expressed dislike!) We are taking a watch carefully and wait approach at the moment, alongside tackling the school attendance issue with help of school. Who knows if that's the right approach? but hopefully she will grow out of it (grow up!) soon parenting teenagers is a minefield at the best of times! Good luck

[Fairylea]

My dh is was a punk :) from the neck down he is covered in tattoos and until just yesterday when he had them sewn up he had ear stretches (long ear holes!) ... He wears massive boots and loves heavy metal.

At about 24 he grew up a bit and got a good job... he's a retail manager now for a national company and is going for another promotion. He's a uni graduate :)

I think it's just a stage. ...

[freckledleopard]

I was a punk/goth with multiple piercings. I'm now a solicitor. HTH!

[MoominMammasHandbag]

DD had a bit of a naughty phase; (weed and a directionless group of mates) at 15/16. She still likes the music, has piercings etc but at 18 she's working really hard At her A levels and planning to go to Uni.

[stickydate65]

Moomin that's good to hear, still hope for mine yet! Although I suspect she won't pass enough GCSE's to do A levels, given her current attitude towards school/education. Hopefully she will be a late developer :D

[rightsaidfrederick]

In my experience most of the punk and goth type kids are from nice middle class families and come out absolutely fine in the end, including going to uni. It's the ones in trackie bottoms and gold chains that you need to be worried about - it's a miracle if they get as far as A Levels.

Skipping school is, however, of concern. Do you know what he's smoking? If it's just tobacco then getting him to go to school is a bigger priority; if it's weed then that combined with skipping school isn't such a good sign IMO.

[gindrinker]

There was something many years ago about goths becoming accountants or scientists - I think it was on the BBC? gu.com/p/32nag not quite the link.

I used to have my lip pierced, stayed out till 3am on school nights (during sixth form) etc, dated unsuitable men who worried my parents.
My OH was the same we're now responsible adults.

Its just a phase, if it wasn't being a bit emo/Goth it would be chavvy or indie or something else.

[croquet]

There's so much more wisdom out there on this issue than I originally thought!

In reference to my original question, she isn't quite a goth in the old style (quiet, platform boots, long hair, goth-maidenly etc.) but rather a manga-style punk into 'screamo' music (whatever that means) and some rock bands. Naughty friends some of whom are a couple of years older... but they all look fairly middle class.

[Fairylea]

Oh gosh screamo is ridiculously middle class. (That's what dh was and is into). It's all very arty and full of angst with the world and all that... its all a bit pantomime actually, you tube black veil brides and you'll see what I mean!

When I was about 16 I was into ugly kid Joe and guns and Roses and all that sort of stuff, played full volume and pissing the hell out of my mum and dad. And stomping around the house in doc martens worn with dresses that my mum and dad thought looked ridiculous.

Being a teenager is all about trying to be ridiculous. When else can you do it? :)

[MsUumellmahaye]

all very middle class rebellion :)

[gindrinker]

Screemo is all harmless... Its designed to worry middle class parents. Its all stripey tights and angst ridden nonsense. Its no scarier than Alice Cooper in the 80s or Slipknot in the 00s.

mutters about the youth of today not knowing what emo was if they were hit around the head by a Sunny Day Real Estate cd