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I have ugly proportions that are undressable and unworkable. If I hand them over, can someone help me to look pretty, please?

(47 Posts)
ziggiestardust Tue 17-Dec-13 15:32:52

I am 5 ft 9, size 7.5 feet
31 inch waist
39 inch hips
36 inch under boobs
40 inches over boobs
And huge thighs; 26 inches round the top of each. Always been this way; I swam and ran my way through my teens and my proportions have never been any different.

Jeans never fit. Fine on the thighs, but useless on the hips and waist sad tops never come down far enough, and to top it all off, I think I have slippery skin. Every time I move about (like put a load of washing on), my boobs actually come out of my bra totally and I get a 4 boob thing going on. My jeans slip down over my bottom sometimes sad

I feel and look unglamorous. I just want to look nice.

Can someone please help me? thanksthanks

AnythingNotEverything Tue 17-Dec-13 15:40:05

Two things -

Firstly, no one has undress able proportions. Most people just find what suits them. I think lots and lots if people struggle with jeans especially.

Secondly, I don't think you have "slippery skin", I suspect your bra doesn't fit. Do you actually measure 36 under your busy or is that your bra band size?

You're thinner than me - I'm 5'10 and haven't had a 31" waist in a long time.

ziggiestardust Tue 17-Dec-13 15:43:43

Yes I do, I just measured all my proportions with a tape measure. I wear a 36D bra (actually I think this one might be 36DD). I definitely measure 36 inches where my bra band sits.

I think I might have slippery skin, honestly I know is sounds stupid, but if I put moisturiser on it makes my clothes 'stick'. If I'm going out somewhere I also use fashion tape so my boobs don't fall out of my bra.

MrsLettuce Tue 17-Dec-13 15:45:53

yy, start by measuring your norkage as per this guide, it really doesn't sound like your bra fits.

I'm a similar shape to you, breast/shoulder heavy with relatively slim hips. I tend to wear dresses that flare from the waist or flared skirts and close-ish fitting tops to create a fake hourglass shape. Have given up on trousers and jeans - for my money they aren;t worth the stress, hassle and discomfort.

MrsLettuce Tue 17-Dec-13 15:46:58

x posts.

TBH it still sounds like your bra doesn't fit! Measurements aren't everything.

ziggiestardust Tue 17-Dec-13 15:48:10

mrslettuce thank you! I definitely don't have slim hips though!

Could you possibly link? I know that I definitely cannot wear ruffles. Like, at all. It makes me look about 50lbs heavier...

And what do you do on cold days? I like jeans and uggs on cold days very much.

ziggiestardust Tue 17-Dec-13 15:51:14

Just measured myself and according to that guide, I'm a 34FF!! shockshockshock

ziggiestardust Tue 17-Dec-13 15:52:19

I pulled the tape measure quite snugly though under my boobs, is that right?

PeterParkerSays Tue 17-Dec-13 15:53:53

Which would explain why your boobs are slipping under your bra strap. Have a try at one if you can get to a store that stocks them, Bravissimo etc.

MrsLettuce Tue 17-Dec-13 15:54:20

Yeah, 34FF sounds more like it. Will be no escaping boobage from a good bra and it'll change how your proportions look more than you could believe! TBH it'd be best to wait with buying any new clothes until you're properly hoiked.

Saw 39 hips as 36 hips (dyslexia). So. you're a proper hour glass envy.

ziggiestardust Tue 17-Dec-13 15:57:22

Ok, could anyone tell me what an hourglass should wear?

Because in every picture, I look fat. Fat, fat, fat. Bizarrely, I actually look nicer naked than I do with clothes on sad

I'll definitely get myself up to a bravissimo; I'll go into one of their shops rather than ordering online, I think I'm going to have to see a 34FF on before i believe it!

I was fitted at M&S not long ago, how strange!

MrsLettuce Tue 17-Dec-13 15:59:57

Fitted in M&S = fitted wrong. Every Fucking Time. TBH I'm amazed they were as close as they were!

DC are crazy here ATM and I have to go to work in a bit but there is many a guide to dressing an hourglass envy figure be found on google.

Will try and get back later.

MelanieCheeks Tue 17-Dec-13 16:00:45

Madmen 50s style dresses for posh.

A wraparound skirt might be easier to fit your proportions, I used to have a denim one that was a good jeans-alternative, and a soft V-neck sweater.

ziggiestardust Tue 17-Dec-13 16:03:10

Yes, v necks are good!

Not sure I like wraparound skirts; they look really long. Also wrap dresses always seem to cling in the wrong places for me. Are there materials I should steer clear of as well?

burnishedsilver Tue 17-Dec-13 16:03:12

Have you tried salsa jeans? I have a friend, with a small waist and big hips and muscley thighs, who looks fantastic in them. They don't fit me at all.

burnishedsilver Tue 17-Dec-13 16:05:17

You are definately in the wrong bra. It's not your shape that's wrong, it's the clothes that are wrong.

ziggiestardust Tue 17-Dec-13 16:09:02

burnished thank you for that link; I think i will go ahead and order some of those! thanks

Yup that sounds more like it bra wise marks are shit I'm a 30hh and they try to tell me to wear a 36f.. Your proportions are really quite good-but I'm an even more exaggerated hourglass with about 14" between hips and waist so I feel your pain. I wear more dresses than anything else, the only jeans that work for me are levis bold curve. I will link to some dresses when I get home but at our shape a lot of dresses need spanx to smooth things out. The mad men look is awesome and one I sometimes rock but the right under garments are utterly essential for it

ziggiestardust Tue 17-Dec-13 16:16:50

I dislike synching in with a wide belt; it can create a shelf like look with my hips, where the material just seems to gather and sit angry

apieceofcake Tue 17-Dec-13 16:28:57

have you tried levis - expensive but seem to fit me and I could never get any that didn't gape at the waist before..

also betty jackson black palazzo trousers - good for bigger thighs.

Agree dresses are better - wrap dresses do work... A line skirts for work... I know I sound like my mother but they hide a multitude of things.

I did HOC recently and they talked a bit about style (I did hte colour day not the style day itself) basically there are just some styles that suit us better than others ... so pretty flounces and frills just doesn't work for someone (like me) who is better off in naturals or classic lines...

agree with v neck sweaters ...

You might find belts become a better option once you have the right bra as your torso will look longer. That was certainly the case for me

ziggiestardust Tue 17-Dec-13 17:05:45

Good point statisticallychallenged

SootikinAndSweep Tue 17-Dec-13 17:09:12

I have big thighs, but sadly am not hourglass. Would second Levi Curve ID, they will keep your bum under cover and make your thighs look smaller.

gleegeek Tue 17-Dec-13 17:14:59

Watching this with interest! I need ideas for an hourglass figure - I'm a 32GG though. I agree with PPs - a good bra makes all the difference. It will lift your boobs and give you a waist and make you feel less slouchy and lazy IME fsmile

AnythingNotEverything Tue 17-Dec-13 17:16:07

I was just going to make the same point about a belt! The right bra will lift your boobs and give you your waist back.

I have a more exaggerated hourglass than you (ie similar but fatter!) and I wear wrap dresses, tube skirts, straight leg jeans, wide leg trousers ...

The trick with any jersey item on an hourglass or curvy figure is to ignore the number on the label and buy them loose enough. And wear M&S skinny tights! Gathered detail and ruching helps too.

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