Basically that.
In general things were going well. Few ups and downs like any family. But bonded and in general happy.
But ever since the exW and her partner seperated things seemed to go downhill with the children. Mainly the youngest. Playing up terribly in school, weeing on purpose in the hall, arguing with everyone. Full on tantrums akin to a toddlers.
Eldest went more reclusive and distant.
All understood and not judged (although hard) as naturally they went through a big loss, as they were close to exW partner. Relevant or not, partner was moved in within a few months of knowing him, encouraged to call him dad etc. So very much pushed them intk seeing him as good as a dad, bery quickly. Which ended a year after.
Again, myself and DH completely appreciated they were going through a lot. Tried to all work as a team to support and help them.
But now it has come out they've been accusing dh of physically hitting them (never has he touched them for anything apart for affection) then both of us, starving them and refusing to feed them (they eat constantly here and food is always freely available with a help yoursf attitude which they do. Along with two cooked meals and a breakfast done for them), that we never let them touch the tv as it is always baby shows (they have it constantly and if we ask for one half hour for the baby to watch something they get moody) , that i walk around saying how the baby only matters and only she is family (we both always stress all three are equal and we arw a family of five) , that we leave them to look after the baby while we swan off (at best if the baby is acting up and the kids are hungry i ask them to entertain her while i make them something. Always with eyes on them to make sure all is okay and intervening if baby plays up)
Isn't the first time the youngest has accused people of falsely hitting him. Or saying so and so told me to hit whoever. Despite it being glaringly obvious that is not true. With witnesses or sometimes even family videos where he claimed it happened. When it clearly didn't. One example was playing with his uncle, he claimed he was hit. Video playback showed no such thing.
This is concerning me for many reasons. Their mental state as clearly theu are calling for help, just in the wrong way. And for the risk of my family and baby. I am terrified they will say something like that and we will end up with social on our door and possibly losing them and baby!
Both parents seem to think it isn't that big of a deal. ExW although initially fractious, has weirdly bonded with us regardong all of this and has brought us closer as a team. But the general lying seems to be brushed under the carpet a bit and no consequences have come of it all.
I have said that from now on i will not for even a moment be alone with them. As i always want witnesses. We also now have a book to note behaviour and consequences of such with times and dates. Just to have some kind of backlog for our own protection. I have even suggested cameras inside so we call always show video evidence.
Drastic maybe. But i am seriously scared. It has reached the point i dread them coming. As I'm terrified what new storu they will go home saying. I walk on egg shells when it comes to simple things that even their mother and my DH has agreed with me on (not being glued to consoles and tidying up their own things) . And concequences of such. Nothing major and even their mum has said if anything it is softer in that regard here as she expects more from them.
But I'm terrified. I feel like if they don't get their own way, they lie. And i don't want to see my baby grow up watching them get away witj murder through fear when baby wouldn't be. Baby is 14 months and we already have a very basic age appropriate set of boundaries. As we done for all children that spend an awful lot of time in our home.
I just don't know what to do. I hate that i dred them coming now. Because i do love them. But i hate the underlining fear and anxiety it gives me. And it seems to only be me that really sees just how damaging these kind of accusations could be to them, us individually and us as a family.
Our house joins onto my parents and with everything coming to light it has now put them on edge for even being alone with them for a second.
Sorry for the rambling. I just don't know what to do. I'm shaking now just thinking of it all and quite honestly I think if it wasn't for DH and my baby i would walk away completely.
We have done all we can prebaby and especially after the baby ti spoil them and support and love them. Dh went to court and faught his butt off to make sure he got regular contact as exw was at a time difficult. By her own admission.
Just ergh. What on earth do i do?! I have even suggested spending those weekends apart to save myself from the stress. But DH doesn't want that as due to his work schedule it is the only time he really has to see any of us. So it would mean essentially me and baby giving up spending any time with him.
And yes they have one on one, well since this started they both go with dh to respective football games. Saturday and sunday. Which works out around four/five hours each day it is just them and their dad.
It used to be one would stay with me while the othet went to their Match with dh so they did get one on one. But i just can't risk that now.
I feel like such a failure as a mum and stepmum. I love them all dearly but i just can't get passed this anxiety
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Step-parenting
SC falsely accusing me and DH of neglect and abuse
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TerrifiedCompletely · 23/09/2019 12:18
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