(Name change)
Just that really. It's been an ongoing problem over the years and DH's relationship with his DD has suffered for many reasons but part of it is definitely the fact that we've never been able to afford the extras her mother could. He's always paid maintenance at the CSA level (we paid direct but regularly checked the calculator) plus extra for birthday parties, school trips, holiday spending money etc. We've often paid when we couldn't afford it and we and our children together went without as a result. DH has been made redundant twice in our time together (16 years) and had 2 extended periods of sick leave with no pay. He never reduced maintenance during those times - I essentially paid it and that was the right thing to do.
DSD is now an adult at uni and due to changes in circumstances we cannot give her money financially. We are living on 1 wage, I cannot work at the moment and our savings are 3 figures. We're literally living month to month on a very tight budget. We've explained this to DSD. She was angry at first but the last couple of months, she's started to be in more contact again.
We've managed to help her towards the deposit for next years's student accommodation and sent her groceries a couple of times via online shops.
His ex has just sent him a message (first one using this particular method of communication since 2009) telling him he should be giving her a monthly allowance because DSD is struggling to get a job in the university town.
He feels like shit because he can't help. We're barely making ends meet and just can't do it. Why can't they understand? We want to help but we can't. I don't think he's responded to the ex. I just feel so shit so I know DH feels 100x worse.
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How do you get the ex and DC to understand when you can't afford something?
40 replies
fedupandbothered · 31/01/2017 18:58
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