Have NCd for this, just in case.
DHs ex is RP of their DD, aged 10.5. Their relationship is civil but not warm.
Ex was made redundant about eight months ago and as far as we know, she has been job hunting constantly. She has chosen not to claim benefits or take an interim/alternative/part time job. Her last job paid around 60K. She gets 1500 each month from DH for maintenance, which is a private arrangement. It's based on CSA calculations but with an extra 500 or so a month on top which DH has voluntarily and happily contributed for around the last eight years.
About six months ago we started paying for all DSDs extra curricular activities and additional expenses (which were previously shared) and were happy to do that for DSDs sake. It then became clear that ex had no savings or money put aside and she has been unable to pay her mortgage. She has also started asking DH to pay for even more things, sometimes very small items such as socks.
We are obviously concerned that things are so tight and have been happy to help out more. DSD will always have a home with us so there is no question of her not having a roof over her head. Its understandable that his ex would use some of the maintenance to live on right now but we are worried that DSDs needs are not being prioritised and were not sure how far this goes (or how much worse it might get). In other words, if she cannot buy socks then how bad is it? I want to support DHs sensitive handling of this but he's not sure how to approach this without intruding. We were hoping that ex would take on some sort of work but so far there is no sign of that. Also, we don't have unlimited funds.
I guess my question is how much can DH/we be sure that his DD is not going without basics and do we keep stepping in and topping up on demand?
Id be grateful for any thoughts or views. I know that mums on the other side of this sort of relationship also frequent this board so would be really interested in their perspective, too.
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Step-parenting
Ex is struggling - what can we do?
Seahorse22 · 08/05/2014 10:43
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