Hi mysonben
This is a really difficult one...I sympathise hugely. I have had concerns about my DS's ASD DX as you may be aware from my other posts. As others have said it is a decision only you and DH can make, but it is a hard one, particularly when the needs are not so extreme that they are immediately obvious and 'visible'.
I have a similar situation to you in that we have no issues with DS outside of school - probably similar to bubblagirl too in that respect - never felt he was in any way 'different', all milestones hit, no language, sleep or behavioural problems, no ritualistic behaviour, shy with new people but no real issues with socialisation, no more food fussiness than the average 4 year old, doesn't always seem to listen to what you say but no more so than his peers do with their parents, is affectionate and loving and articulate and happy, etc etc etc etc....
So you look at this child you have known from birth, and then you listen to what education professionals are telling you, and then you kind of go 'are we talking about the same child here?' When it's not 'clear cut' as such you can't helping wondering - will we do more harm than good by accepting DX and applying for statement? Because although I completely agree, the DX is a really good thing if it gets them any help they need, it is hard not to feel that it's a double edged sword. It IS a signpost to getting help - of course it is, and that is how you have to think about it - but you still worry about accepting a 'label' and whether that might affect your child in an adverse (as well as a positive) way. There's nothing wrong with that, you're only human.
BUT at the same time the ONLY real issue here is your child, and his needs, and whether he is going to struggle at school (which after all is going to be a huge part of his life for the rest of his childhood). So if the help is going to be of benefit...and you can see where his nursery are coming from...it might be worth applying for the statement. From what I can gather it seems to be a long and painful process and maybe the earlier you get started the better?
Also, at the end of the day, you don't have to tell anyone what you are doing; it's a matter for you and DH to decide on DS's behalf, and to be honest if issues only affect him at school then only school need to know!
For us we have accepted, like bubblagirl, that our DS is struggling at school in a way he just doesn't at home or in other settings such as his swimming lessons or in the park or softplay and so on. I go into his class once a week as a mum helper, and I do see where his teachers are coming from - he is far less confident and relaxed than he is outside of school, he's not finding school life particularly easy, he IS struggling massively with fine motor stuff and in a more minor way with concentration and peer relationships. Therefore, I can absolutely see that he will benefit from additional support, and so whilst we are requesting a second opinion on the ASD DX we have made it very very clear to all the professionals involved that we do see that DS has some individual needs and we have stressed how grateful we are for the proposed help for him.
Lingle made the point about what help does actually materialise from this magical 'early intervention' buzzword? Well, your DS sounds very, VERY similar to mine at nursery, from what you describe in your first post, and this is the help he is now getting in reception following his formal assessment and DX:
- 5 x 45 minute sessions of external OT where he basically practises pencil grip, scissor cutting and concentration skills - not rocket science but has helped massively with his self esteem and I can already see an improvement after just 3 of those 5 sessions
- 1 x 20 minute OT session per week within school (run by SENCO) again practising fine motor and concentration skills with others in Reception year
- he has a special cushion to sit on during carpet sessions and a 'fiddle toy' to help him concentrate during those sessions
- he has visual 'cue cards' to help him decide on activities during 'choosing' times - he really struggled with the 'free flow' aspect of reception and tended to wander about aimlessly during in-class free play sessions, although both class teacher and SENCO think he will be a lot happier in Y1 which is more structured
- a SALT will visit the school to advise on socialisation skills training but from what I gather from SENCO he won't get regular external SALT as such -when he was formally assessed his expressive/receptive language skills were within the normal range for age. But the SALT will advise the SENCO on strategies and DS will most likely participate in a school-run group for children who struggle a bit socially for whatever reason - lots of games etc to help them learn how to participate happily in the social side of school life, making friends etc
- following the DX I put DS on the 'eye-q' strawberry chew fish oil supplements - and I have to say within two weeks of doing this his teacher was enthusing about the huge improvement in his concentration skills! So I am definitely a converted fan of those
- depending on how fine motor and concentration skills improve the school might apply for funding for 5 hours per week 1-1 support for DS for Y1, basically for literacy - story writing and so on. At this stage this is very much a MIGHT, and depends how things go, but obviously with the assessment done the school are more likely to get the funding if it transpires they need it.
However I should say that DS is NOT statemented - he's on school action plus - and school have said he doesn't need a statement and in their opinion never will need a statement because he will never require full time 1-1. Now obviously this may well just be the rule of the LEA we fall under - I am sure I've read about others who have statements for less than fulltime 1-1 help. So if your nursery are recommending statement for your DS, that could just be the way your LEA does things.
Blimey this is a long post....apologies.... but I hope it helps in terms of showing you the kind of help that your DS might get...and also to help you feel that you are not the only one feeling uneasy with a DX when the issues are not vividly apparent to you as parents. Good luck.