Am i over reacting?

[BeauticianNotMagician]

I am really worried about my ds1 aged 4.He has been having speech and language therapy for two years and following an assessment at the edwin lobo centre they sent me out a report stating that his social and language skills are equivalent to that of a two year old.I have also had a meeting with his nursery and a senco and they said he will need help at school and help to prepare him for school.

What does this mean is he autistic i cant get a straight answer off anyone and im scaring myself by reading too much on the internet.He shows signs of autism but doesnt tick all the boxes.He has a lot of language and uses most of it in the correct context but he is very shy and has barely any level of understanding ie i cant have a conversation with him.

Its hard to explain and right now i just feel like the most useless parent ever.

[BeauticianNotMagician]

Sorry if not much of that makes sense my head is just swimming.

[5inthebed]

Firstly, you're not the most useless parent ever! Dont give yourself a hard time. I'm sure you're doing the best you can.

Has anyone mentioned autism yet, or have they given you any indication why his language skills are that of a 2 year old? Maybe his shyness is because he cant communicate very well?

Hope that you can get some answers, as it must be hard for you.

[sadnog]

Hi, just wanted to let you know you're not alone and I know exactly how you must be feeling. My DD has learning difficulties and after an assessment by a Ed Psych, I was told that her numeracy, reading and literacy levels were that of a 5 year old (she is now 8.5). I too felt like a complete failure as a parent and felt it was my fault for not doing more at home with her. I also have been bamboozled by information on the internet as I also have problems with my DDs behaviour at home, alot of which seems to point to her having ASD. I know none of this is probably much help to you but there are a lot of people here who have bags of experience and I'm sure someone will come along soon with some more useful information for you. In the meantime try and keep your chin up .

[amber32002]

What other things does he do/not do? What's he like with sudden changes in routine, with socialising with friends, with being comfortable with someone else inventing the rules for a game? Does he have sensory problems with bright lights, unexpected noise, particular smells or tastes or textures of things?

It's absolutely nothing to do with being a bad parent. Some of us (like me - on the autistic spectrum) have brains that are just wired up a different way, into specialist skills rather than social stuff. Many of us can and do learn enough to cope in life, especially with the right help, so it's very early days to tell how far he can go in life. Many of us do go on to have a job, a family etc. Don't worry more than you need to - almost anything could change!

I'd say nip down to your GP and ask for your child to see a developmental paediatrician. They're the ones who can tell what's going on and what isn't?

[BeauticianNotMagician]

Thank you both.Only one person has mentioned autism 5inthebed and that was his speech and language therapist.

The thing that bothers me is that obviously something is not right or he wouldnt be needing a special needs teacher at school.When i saw the senco she said that he will be assessed regulary and that if he doesnt show signs of improvement then he will be given a statement im not to sure what that all means or how long this period of assessment will be.

Sadnog my ds has behaviour problems also .I have asked on here as i would rather a real persons advice who is going through or has been through the same thing.We need to stop scouring the internet i went to bed in tears last night and he hasnt even been diagnosed with anything.

[BeauticianNotMagician]

Hi amber32002 he loves routine and gets quite upset if it is broken.He isnt very sociable and struggles when playing with his brother thay do play but ds1 is quite aggressive and he has recently become very destructive and tries to break everything.

He is also extremly sensitive to noise and will always ask me 'mummy whats that noise'i often cant hear anything until we get closer to a noise.He complains that im too loud all the time which im really not and yet he shouts all the time.

I hear what your saying amber as he is highly intelligent and has a somewhat scary memory considering his age.Im glad you said about the gp because thats my problem i dont know who i should be seeing a doctor,the speech therapist,a health visitor.

[sadnog]

I cry most days, so don't feel alone on that score! I have just started the process of getting a Statement for DD. She has been under the Senco at school for past 2.5 yrs and has been on School Action plus, but has shown little sign of improvement with the additional help the school can offer. Both the Senco and Ed Psych felt a Statement was called for, but this process can take up to another 6 months. It may be that she is also recommended to attend Special School, which absolutely fills me with fear. She seems perfectly happy at her school although she is somewhat of a loner, not entirely through choice I think, it's just that the others in her class are overtaking her and she tends to struggle to join in with the type of play they are involved in. She is very muched loved by her classmates and they tend to baby her. What sort of problems do you have with DS at home?

[amber32002]

Definitely the GP, and do insist on the developmental paediatrician referral. Well worth your peace of mind to get the right expert considering how best to help him.

We're really bad at using our voices in the right way, by the way. We either shout or are too quiet or sound really 'posh' or rude when we don't mean to be, because we can't hear ourselves properly.

[BeauticianNotMagician]

Sadnog ds1 is apparently quite well behaved at nursery but at home he has tantrums constantly which usually involve throwing things.He constantly hits ds2 for no reason i mean ds2 can be sitting on the sofa watching tv and ds1 will just go over and smack him in the face.Ds1 does not listen either if i give him time out for doing something naughty he will just go straight back and continue doing the same thing after time out.Im quite sure a lot of his behaviour is because he doesnt understand what im saying to him he gets extremly frustrated.Ds1 also screeches and screams all the time and has started hitting and biting me a lot too.

How does your DD behave?

[BeauticianNotMagician]

Electra thats why i want to get to the bottom of the problem so that ds can get the help and support he needs now not when they finally decide he needs it.

[BeauticianNotMagician]

I think SALT helped a little and his range of language has improved over time but i dont think his level of understanding has ever improved at all.It may appear to have by people that dont see him often but i know that he has just learnt to cope with his limited understanding and just relies on habit or association.
For example if i said 'ds1 we are going out now'then he would get his coat as he knows going out=coat.However if i were to say'ds1 lets go and play football in the garden'then he probably wouldnt even acknowledge what i have said.

[BeauticianNotMagician]

Electra im in Bedfordshire,England.No he isnt under the care of a paediatrician.

[sadnog]

Firstly BNM, I agree with electra that you have to be prepared to fight. There's never been any sense of urgency with the school regarding my DD. Only now I am starting to stand up for myself and with hindsight I wish I'd done it a long time ago and maybe DD would have got more of the help she needed and wouldn't be quite so far behind herself. Also the school never referred her to an Ed Psych, this was done by her Community Paediatrician who was horrified that the school had not called one in earlier, but as electra says, this costs the LEA money!
DD is also quite well behaved at school, she just struggles to hold her concentration and when the lessons are beyond her understanding she tends to switch off and amuse herself by doing other things (generally getting up to mischief). The other day I got called in after school to help DD get dressed out of her PE kit as she refused to do it for the teacher!
At home, we get a lot of tantrums, usually set off by the most obscure of things (could be that her pen won't work, or her brother has touched her toy, or she can't turn the TV over etc....). Then we have the leg kicking and crying and the constant repetition of "mum" but she won't say anything else when I answer her. If I ignore her she starts hitting me on the arm still repeating "mum". Eventually when she realises she's upsetting/annoying me she will say "sorry", but not just once, again she will repeat it over and over again. Nothing I say or do will "turn her off", she just has to come out of it herself. We also have problems with DD on school mornings, getting her dressed can be a real battle. She is also obsessive with things being dirty or smelly. There's so much I could tell you but don't want to go on and on!!

[BeauticianNotMagician]

Sadnog thats what my ds1 does as well he says 'mummy'over and over again but wont continue.Ds1 then says sorry again repeating it and he gets completly hysterical and often sobs when he says sorry like he thinks im not accepting it.

Its so nice just to know that im not the only one that goes through it.I get so frustrated but im at a stage where if i have to tell him off i feel so guilty as i know he cant help his behaviour.

[BeauticianNotMagician]

Electra im going to make an appointment with my gp right this minute to discuss seeing a developmental paediatrician.I know it will be a struggle as my gp is not the most helpful or sensitive person at the best of times.

[sadnog]

I'm exactly the same. And DD also sobs when saying sorry and even if I tell her it's OK and try to give her a hug she pulls away from me and goes all stiff. I start off being quite calm and together but as I get more frustrated that she won't stop, I usually end up losing it and same as you, end up feeling incredibly guilty and a crap parent that I didn't handle the situation better. Until I started posting on this forum last week, i too felt like I was the only one who had a child that behaved like this, but you'll be surprised how many there are. I've found MN a godsend.

[BeauticianNotMagician]

I was so scared to post about my ds as i was scared about what would be said but i am now so incredibly pleased that i did.

I just hope now i can get things moving as he starts school in september and im fed up with seeming to take one step forward and two back.

[sadnog]

I had my DD referred to Paediatrician through the school nurse not my GP. If you find your GP is unhelpful, you could try this route. After two visits to paed, she diagnosed ADHD. We tried medication (two types) but both had terribly negative effects on her. On her last paed appt she saw a different paed and she felt that ADHD was an incorrect diagnosis and said that she would no longer need to see her but would refer her to the Ed Psych. As naive as I was I just accepted this but now wish I had insisted on further appts to see if there were any other behaviour disorders she may have, as now I will probably have to got hrough my GP to get her referred again to a developmental paed. I have put this off as I know as soon as I start talking to my GP I will become a babbling wreck and probably won't explain myself very well or say half the things I want to!

[sadnog]

Sorry, brain overload! Just realised your ds not at school yet, so school nurse not an option! Good luck with your GP though.