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is this normal for as child? new class, am heatbroken

(37 Posts)
trace2 Tue 02-Sep-08 09:34:39

ds is being tested for as but this morning he is a new class, new teacher, took him him he as been looking forward to go back, so when i took him in they usaly put slippers on , was told not to, he went in to a frenzy ,didnt want to stop, they dragged him of me crying and i was told to go,

am sat here crying it was horrible, will he be ok, this is class 3 hes in, will he do this every time? sorry just so worried about himsad

and i know there is some horrible boys in there who will bully him and call him cry baby because they all saw him

moondog Tue 02-Sep-08 09:37:22

Trace, poor you. sad

He will be ok.
You need to arrange a meeting with his teacher thpough asap and work out what he can/can't cope with.

All kids will find the first day a bit stressful but hey, they'll survive. smile

Can you catch his teacher at the end opf the day?

trace2 Tue 02-Sep-08 09:40:34

i told her when i went in i needed to make an app because he is being tested for AS she said ok, i think she just wanted him to settle down

moondog Tue 02-Sep-08 09:42:29

Well that sounds reasonable. They need to create relationships with no mum about too.

I know it's hard. I work with lots of kids with AS and most teachers are v sensitive to needs and try their best.

cyberseraphim Tue 02-Sep-08 09:42:45

I know you are only at the testing stage but we have just started a new program (for ASD children)at a local hospital and their advice in this situation is that it's best for the parent to leave. They say they have never known any case of a child not settling in the end even although the parent was convinced it would never happen.

trace2 Tue 02-Sep-08 09:50:49

thank you i know it was so upsetting and i know if i stopped any longer i would feel worse, am just thinkingabout how he will cope now with the kids

WedgiesMum Tue 02-Sep-08 11:05:46

I can understand your concerns. Your poor DS was happily goping along expecting his set routine and things had changed so he had a hard time adjusting. It was probably best you went because if things are changing its easier (at least it is for my AS DS) if everything is different, and you as Mum are familiar IYSWIM so you need to go. I know it's difficult to do because all you want to do is protect him.

It is very worrying to think about DS being bullied by children for crying - if it is any consolation there will be plenty of tears from other children this week and hopefully by lunchtime there will be other things for these children to think about. The teacher will be looking carefully in this first week back to nip any nasty behaviour in the bud so that negative relationships can be avoided and will be watching him very carefully today to make sure he is ok after such an upsetting start to the day.

You need to ask the teacher what the routine is for the start of the day (and ask them to try and keep it the same everyday to help him cope and to treat him as an ASD child now so that they can minimise any upset - doesn't matter if there is no dx yest it would still help him) and talk to DS about it, reminding him on the way to school what will happen so he knows what to expect. As you will already know AS children like their routines and get a lot of comfort from it, it helps them make sense of a very confusing world, any change in that creates anxiety especially if it is an unexpected change - the teacher should be aware of this and you need to talk to them to make sure they warn your DS about changes to minimise his anxiety.

Hope you are feeling better and trying not to worry too much. Hope you have an ok day and that when you get DS from school he has had a good day. Please post later and let us know!!

WedgiesMum Tue 02-Sep-08 11:06:48

going not goping obviously! smile

Vian Tue 02-Sep-08 11:19:19

Trace I have an AS son the same age who is very like your ds.

He kicks off like this often but the other kids are very protective of him. They don't give him a bit of trouble and always look out for him. When he kicks off they try and help him and hand him his ear defenders and stuff. He goes to school with such a nice group of kids. I know there are bullies out there but there are lots of sweet kids as well who want to help.

amber32002 Tue 02-Sep-08 11:38:42

A new class, a new teacher, and no slippers? Goodness me, I've have hidden in a cupboard and refused to come out. Completely 'out of spoons', I'd say butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

I think the school need to do some serious work in understanding AS issues. Dragging him into the class is what happens when they've got it wrong and haven't thought about what to do to explain the changes to him beforehand and make it a safe experience for him. I'm hoping that when the tests come back, if it is AS, then this will mean they have to take a lot more responsibility for making life safer for him.

Peachy Tue 02-Sep-08 11:47:07

DS3 just stood still fro five minutes looking into the istance, then was 'ok'. ASd type kids need time to adjust, I wouldn't worry (though can understand your feelings) too much on day one.

Hugs- its hard

mrz Tue 02-Sep-08 12:07:09

In her defence she probably didn't have time to take in what you were saying (new class all arriving and wanting her attention) and it will only have hit home after you left and now she will be considering what information she needs from you and how she could have handled this morning better for your son if she had been aware of his needs prior to arrival.

magso Tue 02-Sep-08 12:26:50

Oh Trace poor Ds and you!! I hope he recovered quickly!
My son finds change difficult - especially a change of a longstanding rule or routine -or if he considers told off! He needs his routines to feel in control.
Your poor chap expected the change in classroom and teacher (and that was probably as much my ds could cope with) but obviously not the slippers!
My ds has gone back today (by school taxi bus - the same car and escort as last year thankfully) and I hope all has gone as well as possible (Magso joins in worrying)!

BriocheDoree Tue 02-Sep-08 12:55:56

My little one went off quite happily this morning, but looked a little tearful when I picked her up for lunch. When I took her back, we went straight up to the classroom as this is what we used to do in her old school. There was nobody there. Cue mummy running around being confused wondering what to do with the poor mite. Found an ATSEM (like TA) who was helping a three year old find her slippers. She was really nice but simply told DD to go outside and wait to be told what to do. This is a new school. DD can't process the instruction "go outside", she doesn't know where "outside" is...and when I took her outside there were just loads of kids running around with no sign of what to do next. Hope she's OK - had to just go off, leaving her standing there! All she really wanted was someone to take her hand and explain what was going on! Roll on 4.30 when I can go and get her and make sure she's OK. At least tomorrow there's no school (Weds off in France) and she's starting pony riding!!

trace2 Tue 02-Sep-08 17:10:05

thank you all i know you all going through same and reading this thread as helped!

i saw the helping this afternoon shopping befor i went for ds, and she said he was fine but also told me what is happing tomorrow so that ds knowsgrin she and the teacher relised it was the slippers that caused the out burst.
he came out smiling at home time telling me about how the teacher told him about about they dont need there slippers now till its raininghmm anyway been told the new teachers is a sn teachers befor so sheknow what to expectgrin just waiting for app time now.

hope all was ok with your children?

magso Wed 03-Sep-08 10:43:22

Glad he settled and his distress was understood, Trace. My ds was fine - proud of the stickers he had earnt (so suitable reward system put in place at school on 1st day - great) thanks for asking!

Tclanger Wed 03-Sep-08 11:57:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tclanger Wed 03-Sep-08 12:00:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BriocheDoree Wed 03-Sep-08 13:12:07

Hmm, TC, not sure they know about visual prompts and visual timetable. Not even sure the teacher realises she's SN! Haven't had a chance to speak to her yet as it was mad yesterday and half the class are PS (first year) half MS (DD's year, second year) and so she had loads of newbies to deal with (i.e. confused three year olds!) However, she seemed happy when I picked her up so I'm a little less concerned. Trace, hope your DS is OK and hope that they work out if it's AS or whatever so that you get the help you no doubt need.
Pony riding today...DD hadn't a hope of following what was going on, and I hadn't had a chance to explain to the teacher, but he seemed to understand without being told and just showed her everything himself. Only 8 kids so he was able to give her plenty of attention. Isn't it wonderful when people seem to grasp the problem without your even having to tell them!

Tclanger Wed 03-Sep-08 13:27:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tclanger Wed 03-Sep-08 13:28:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WedgiesMum Wed 03-Sep-08 14:04:04

That sounds encouraging trace. How did he go this morning?

magso Wed 03-Sep-08 14:35:17

Trace has ds had a good day today?

(hope all is well Tclanger, and horseriding and school tommorow are ok Brioche)

Tclanger Wed 03-Sep-08 16:33:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trace2 Wed 03-Sep-08 17:01:32

dont worry about hijacking we all in same boat! BriocheDoree
how as horseriding gone?
Tclanger glad ds was allsmiles coming out!

magso sounds great about the stickersgrin

ds was fine this moring and came out ok but with an app for friday 3 30 grin can anyone give me advice for friday?

still can not get him to tellme what happened at school

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