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I AM SO ANGRY....please excuse me whilst I rant and rave for a while.....

(44 Posts)
JaysMum Tue 11-Jan-05 16:51:52

This morning J asked me if he could have his haircut..a first for him because he HATES going to the Barbers normally.
So after lunch we headed off for his cut.
The Barbers was very quiet so we were lucky and only had a 5 minute wait. J sat very quietly watching the Barber cutting an elderly gentlemans hair.
Old man was finished and J jumped up into the chair happy as larry.
The Barber, whom we have known for years, asked J why he wasnt in school. J replied "because I'm not". R, the Barber said that that wasnt a polite answer to give. I explained that J was home educated now.... J hit the roof and told me to be quiet.
R then told J off for talking to me so rudely. I stepped in and said that J felt uncomfortable with people knowing why he was out of school and that perhaps we should just get on with the haircut.
J was so upset and was very wriggly in the seat. R then told J to stop being silly and to sit still. I explained he was a little agitated because we had talked about schooling and that perhaps if J sat on my lap then things would go a bit smoother.
R then asked J how old he was. J replied nearly 19. He is nearly 9. R told J that he wasnt going to talk to him if he didnt stop being silly and stupid and ranted on at my boy saying that if he was his son that he would give him a "good lick" for speaking to people the way he did.
J then said it is rude to lick people, so he then had R lecturing him on answering back....I could take no more so I asked R to stop cutting J's hair paid him his money and we left!!!!!
Now J has a half cut hair style...thank goodness I have managed to get a friend to come over later tonight to finish it off.
J is so upset by what has happened and keeps asking me why people would want to lick him.
I explained to J that a lick is another word for smack. He was horrified that R had wanted to smack him and cant understand what he has done wrong.
To top it all when we got home he saw how upset I was and overheard me talking to my friend about how some kids in society do speak to people with disrespect...the drunken thugs hanging about at night in town...how the police should be dealing with them... that some of these kids are the ones who should have a good thump....
At 4pm the phone rang and it was the police to say they had received a call from our number reporting an assault. J had phoned the police to tell them that Mummy wants R to smack the kids in town who drink too much and not him.
Fortunatly the local community officer is a family friend and was really understanding.....just a shame the Barber wasn't!!!!
I am so angry and upset.

secur Tue 11-Jan-05 16:55:06

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Angeliz Tue 11-Jan-05 16:56:48

Terrible behaviour from the barber, who the hell does he think he is??

Sorry but the bit about your boy ringing the police made me smile though!!!

JakB Tue 11-Jan-05 16:57:30

Oh, JaysMum, I don't know what to say. What terrible ignorance and how upsetting for you and J.

Angeliz Tue 11-Jan-05 16:58:12

Sorry, hope i wasn't being totally insensitive, i hope you're both o.k+++++++

ThomCat Tue 11-Jan-05 17:00:49

OMG, what a total arse. Actually, sorry, i have to say it, what a wanker.

Hope you don't mind but did have to smile to myself at J phoning the police!

Hope a glass of wine tonight hopes put it all behind you.

ladymuck Tue 11-Jan-05 17:03:46

How awful, especially when you have been with the barber for ages.

ThomCat Tue 11-Jan-05 17:03:54

Oh whoops, well if you were being insensitive then so was i Angeliez, hope neither of us were.

Socci Tue 11-Jan-05 17:09:53

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JaysMum Tue 11-Jan-05 17:11:27

Not insensitive at all....J does have a tendency to phone the police if someone upsets him...last time was because his brother ate all his sweets...he reported a theft then...Bless him.
Just dont know whether I should go and see the Barber and have a quiet word.

Blossomhill Tue 11-Jan-05 17:35:04

Hi Jaysmum - oh hun I am so sorry this has happened
As you know the person that cuts dd's hair is fantastic and the main reason being that I explained to him well before hand what dd's difficulties were. He has worked with adults with learning diabilities before so does have some understanding. I normally go in and book and we always do a time where we know he isn't going to overlap as dd can't wait for too long.

Hope you are feeling a bit better xxx

JaysMum Tue 11-Jan-05 17:36:49

just so bloody angry Bloss...need a chat soon. Bar is closed I noticed and is not likely to be open tonight...BOO HOO. xx

InternationalGirl Tue 11-Jan-05 21:22:12

How awful - especially when it all started out so great with J quite happily going off to the barbers. Sounds like the barber was completely ignorant and just didn't get it. Bet you felt like giving him a good 'lick'. Guess you won't be going back to him again.

Caroline5 Tue 11-Jan-05 21:23:59

He sounds totally insensitive and I feel angry on your behalf ! What is wrong with some people?

I've never taken dd2 to the hairdressers as she gets totally hysterical if people start messing with her hair (I try to cut it myself!!) Luckily it is curly so the unevenness of it is not so noticeable!

moondog Tue 11-Jan-05 21:26:15

So ignorant and insensitive. Feel for you.

Merlot Tue 11-Jan-05 22:06:15

OMG what a rotten experience! And I dont suppose your sleep deprivation made this any easier to handle either. <<<<hugs>>>>>

If you feel up to it and only if you feel strong enough, I think maybe you should go back and explain to him the situation.

He obviously not only totally misread and misunderstood what was happening, but also had this misguided view that he would sort your son out for you. ( Not on at all!)

If he understood, it might well make him think twice before handing out this sort of treatment to others - at least then, something good might then come of this horrid event.

Love to you and J. Hope tonight brings some sleep for you xx

secur Tue 11-Jan-05 22:09:48

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Merlot Tue 11-Jan-05 22:14:53

Mmmm - Me and Secur obviously differ on this one. Does R know about J's SN? In which case I would agree with Secur and not bother trying to explain anything to him.

secur Tue 11-Jan-05 22:19:37

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hatstand Tue 11-Jan-05 22:19:45

horrible experience - but well done you for walking out. Exactly the kind of thing I only ever do in fantasies. I know it must have been awful but feel proud of yourself for making your point and sticking up for your ds

Dingle Tue 11-Jan-05 22:26:10

Oh Jaysmum, so sorry that you have had this awful experience. Isn't it amazing the things that some people take for granted that can turn into an absolute nightmare for others.

Chin up my dear! {{{hugs}}}

Merlot Tue 11-Jan-05 22:31:53

LOL at you Secur - glad I'm forgiven

Agree with you that R's behaviour is not acceptable, no matter what. Just wondering how old this guy is? Could he be from the national service generation and believe that young men boys must have impeccable manners and all that.

now that sounds like I'm trying to make excuses for the bloke, but really I was just trying to work out where he was coming from iyswim.

secur Tue 11-Jan-05 22:39:20

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JaysMum Tue 11-Jan-05 22:40:07

J's hair is now sorted and he's fast asleep. Took us a while to settle him because he over heard me discussing todays events with hubby.
Really do not know what to do about having a chat with him.
We have known him for years and have always gotten on really well with him.
He doesnt know that J has AS and so it really isnt his fault that he just presummed that J was being a checky little sod.
It just spolied what was being a really nice day. I honestly never thought J would ever ask to have his hair cut, so today was a milestone for us.
What I dont want to happen now is that J refuses to go back to the Barbers.
I have strong feelings that I must help J live as normal life as possible and think he should be exposed to the normal everyday things...such as a trip to the Barbers.
In the past he has always had his hair cut at home and has only visited the Barbers and watched when his brother has had his hair cut.
Today has me realise why AS is often called the Hidden Disability...J looks like any other 9 year old, so I can understand why R thought he was being rude and disrespectful.
I just dont want this to turn out as a negative experience for J.
maybe I'll pluck up the courage...and send Hubby to go and have a chat with him....he's bigger than me!!!!

On the sleeping front.......a friend recommended I try Recovery Remedy....have done and last night J slept for 6 hours without waking....the fact that it 240 parts Brandy to 1 part water infused with herbal and floral bits and bobs might be the reason he slept so well....will see what happens tonight!!!

secur Tue 11-Jan-05 22:46:46

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