"Invisible disability" and people on about benefit frauds

[Triggles]

I think it's time I started avoiding AIBU. I get so tired of the "My neighbour/best friend's uncle/first cousin twice removed is claiming DLA and I don't think he's disabled as I don't see any disability, should I shop him to benefits fraud?" threads. It's reaching a point where there are a few a week now, I swear.

There's the "of course you shop them, they're stealing from us taxpayers" responses and the "yes definitely shop them, we all know how easy it is to get on disability" responses and my personal favourite "yes, after all, if they have nothing to hide, it shouldn't be a problem to be investigated."

Yes, except for if they have a mental illness, think of the disruption and stress, which could set them back. And don't they temporarily stop benefits while they are investigating? That could cause someone some serious financial problems. But then, yeah, okay, they really are disabled (which isn't a huge shock, since they had to have medical proof and documentation with the DLA form) so even though their life has been turned upside down completely, a month or so later it'll hopefully be sorted out and everything's fine? It just seems to me that people are far too quick to judge and report people without a shred of evidence at all - often not even knowing what a person's disability is before deciding they are fraudulent.

God, I truly hate people who think that just because they can't SEE a disability, there ISN'T one.

[purplepidjinawoollytangle]

It's ridiculous. But, Karma will bite the DailyMailers on the arse one day when they witness something horrible and get PTSD, which they think is a made-up illness so they'll all just be lying on their sofas whinging about how hard their middle-class lives are with all their iPods and cashmere cardigans...

[coff33pot]

There is a quote I saw once and hits the nail on the head for me "the more I meet people the more I love my cat"........

Its the same old crap unless you are in a position of having a disability or experience of family disability every one else is a fraud.

Jealousy is a horrible thing.....

[Triggles]

oooh coff33pot - sorry, didn't mean to put temptation in front of you. I've posted a number of times on the thread and barely refrained from shouting FFS a few times.

Stupid people are the reason we have gun control in this country. Not to keep them from hurting others, but to keep us from shooting them. I'm convinced of this.

[coff33pot]

couldnt resist..........got up to make a coffee and my hands were freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee its all your fault lol

I try to avoid THAT part of MN because the "my mother is an alien from planet Zog AIBU that I insist she gets the last rocket home rather than let her stay over as I dont like cleaning the loose scales off the sheets" does my head in.

[Triggles]

what? no coffee for me?

For what it's worth, much as I love my mother, I'd insist she take the last rocket home.... nothing to do with scales on the sheets and everything to do with her doing my head in!

[coff33pot]

hahahahaha!

ok coffee & baileys for one then lol forgot to mention the baileys bit........

On a serious note it does drive you nuts when ppl assume you are pulling a fast one. I am trying to do the retched DLA form for DS and its a nightmare. The only reason I am doing it is yes because his needs warrant it but also if NHS fail to provide enough therapywise I intend to get everything he can have to help privately and this at least will help towards that goal without me selling my clothes to get it and my other dcs missing out as they miss out so much on things already when I am paying for house repairs due to meltdowns!

[fortifiedwithtea]

Agree because of Daily Mail Readers I am too frightened to claim DLA. I did claim it when my epilepsy was so bad kids needed subsidised taxi to get to school even though we live 10 minutes walk away. At that time I was being admitted to hospital about every 6 weeks. Its bad when you know the A&E staff by first name.

Having improved enough not to be regularly dropping on the pavement when the DLA came up for renewal, I choose not to complete the form. 50 pages long. You'ld have to be dedicated to con the DofW&P.

I like to sit near the front of the bus because if I have a seizure its a right mare getting me off. Recently a middle aged women told me to move so she could park her shopping trolley. I was so upset I didn't have an answer. Luckily she saw a space on the other side.

I've never claimed for my SN DD2 either.

[Triggles]

We use the DLA that DS2 receives for things like clothing with no tags (sometimes have to go to more expensive shops to find them - just depends), toys that are recommended to help with imagination and creative play, art supplies (for both creative play and fine motor skills which he has difficulty with), extra writing equipment (write-on/wipe off board, chalkboard, markers, lots of paper), accessories for his Maclaren Major, extra sheets/pillows because he is incontinent at night still, petrol to cover when we have to drive him places because he refuses to walk (although thankfully we can use the Maclaren sometimes for that), trips to the soft play to allow him to run where it's safe and he can't get hurt, laminator and pouches so we can make visual timetables for him at home, wobble cushion... the list is endless really, and doesn't include replacing or repairing things that have been broken.

It all adds up. I wanted to get him private swimming lessons, but he's still not nearly ready for them yet. I'm trying to take him swimming when we can to get him used to the water and in the right frame to learn swimming skills - I used to teach swimming, so am working on basic skills with him to start, but hoping that eventually he'll be ready for 1:1 actual swimming instruction. But that's not cheap either. We just paid £36 for a new safety gate for his bedroom. An absolute necessity. And our downstairs gate just broke, so we'll have to get another one next week.

But I have yet to come up with a sufficiently scathing and satisfying answer to those who question his behaviour in public, his being in a pushchair, and whether or not they consider him disabled. God, it's rude. What makes them think they have the right to say anything at all?

[Triggles]

oh.. and thanks for the coffee... and oooooooo baileys!!! You make NICE coffee! Love it!

[coff33pot]

I have to admit.......I read the Mail on a Sunday purely for boredoms sake and the crossword at work.

It is wrong when you have to live your life thinking "what will the others think"

My bro is in the same boat. His illness is on the inside and not wanting to go into detail but he fights it and keeps going to work then relapses then finds another job he might cope with. He has DLA but is so upset with himself that for every 2 days work say he ends up bedridden for 4. He will be wheelchair bound one day as the illness goes its course. He doesnt want to be this way and it angered me when I had someone ask me "so what has your bro got that he can have benefits?" I wouldnt wish what he had on my worst enemy but just sometimes I would like to see these ppl step into his shoes for the experience.....

[coff33pot]

Triggles a baileys is a must in a coffee this time of night in the peace n quiet its blisssss

Oh and I cant put in print what I would say to the comment made of your DS.

[Triggles]

That must be quite frustrating for both you and your brother. I hate that people think they can just ask for personal information like that - and if you refuse to answer them, they act like you're being rude. Argh!!!

I think for me a lot of the frustration is that DS2 has no idea that he is any different from any other 5yo. So we're worried at this point that people saying things will clue him in at some point and that he'll think there is something "wrong" with him, IYSWIM. He is such a cheerful and happy little boy (well, outside any meltdowns ), I'd hate to see him upset over something some nosy busybody said on the street.

[coff33pot]

No that is right it is totally unfair to your DS.

In that case (baileys excuse for humour) I would just say with a smile on your face "thanks sooo much for your valid input I shall take it on board" then mutter cheerfully within DS earshot "what a potty woman" perhaps he will relate to all future comments as this as "ooh there goes another potty person"

[Triggles]

hehehehee potty person.... love it

having enjoyed my coffee and baileys, I'm going to sneak off to bed...

DH always does this when I'm sitting in bed with the laptop either giggling or grousing at a MN thread

[coff33pot]

ahhhh you see if DH gives me a I then look at him with a and he thinks better of commenting

Have a good sleep nite nite!

[Triggles]

DH is dealing with depression right now, and I think his "brakes" between his brain and his mouth are faulty. He sometimes comments on things that he normally would NEVER comment on. So I'm saving him from himself.

We've had some rather impressively loud arguments lately due to him not thinking before he spouts off some unnecessary comment. I'd like to think he'll regain the "think before speaking" ability soon, now that his meds appear to be working slightly better.

Now if I could just get him into counselling or therapy of some sort. He's been burned a couple times (most recently by someone that was advertising here on MN who I reported to MN), and he now feels "untreatable" and is refusing to see anyone else. I'm slowly working on that. sigh...

[unpa1dcar3r]

Must admit I don't see these threads but have seen them on other sites...it's hardly surprising people are so ignorant when their ignorance is being embraced and encouraged by the pernicious mass media.
I like that word 'pernicious' it sums up social services too.
I am off to visit AIBU now to tell everyone to feck off....see ya.

[Dawndonna]

We live in an area where wheelchairs are dished out on an average size basis, I kid you not! So, DLA goes on wheelchairs that are comfy and fit properly, one for school, one for home. We do the unlabelled clothing, and mine won't wear clothing with logos either.
Sodding Daily Heil readers make me sooooo angry.
Grrrrrr!

[borderslass]

I remember being bollocked by SIL years ago over using DS's DLA to help pay for a car, replacing furniture and repairs to damage caused by him apparently I had no right to touch it as it wasn't mine to use she got short shift.

[signandsmile]

this thread has just reminded me. (and I don't do AIBU, cos it would just make me either weep or explode with fury...).

dh tells a story of sitting in the disabled seats on the bus and an old lady sitting down next to him, telling him he shouldn't be sat there and wacking him on the legs with her walking stick... (dh is retired from work due to neuro muscular degenerative condition.)

It was probably a good thing I wasn't there or I would have wacked her back.!

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Well I really WAS shopped. And get this, - it was by the parent of a disabled child who decided that I was on the wrong rate and must have got it through lying.

Nevermind the fact that I didn't even complete the forms myself, someone from the benefit agency did it - which is why i think I got a better rate than if I had done it myself as I don't know the buzz words.

[unpa1dcar3r]

Funniest story I heard was someone I know who has an autistic child...partner in restaurant with child, fella comes over and starts moaning about child...friends partner tipped his beans on toast over fella's head.

Wished I'd been there.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

It ended up concluded that the DLA didn't send me the referral forms, me not chasing because my dd was terminally ill and the stress it caused just thinking about it.

Me still not having applied because I am so traumatised by the experience of having to make a statement and worried that they'll put me in a position of needed to go to tribunal (one tribunal a year is quite enough) and having lost out of £400 a month for the last 5 months.

I don't notice the money in real terms, because we sold our house and moved into rented accomodation....................