Does he/doesn't he?

[WilfShelf]

...have SEN? I dunno. If some of your more experience SN parents wouldn't mind, I'd really appreciate you reading my thread here

I think we've decided now we will follow the school's suggestion of observation from the behavioural support people. But at the same time pursue other things (perhaps a private assessment? But how to find someone? Follow up the asthma assessment again...? Food allergies?)

I guess lots of parents who eventually find their kids do need extra help with SN start out where we are (defensive, disbelieving etc). So I could do with hearing some of your experiences. But I reserve the right to stay sceptical and carry on thinking they're barking up the wrong tree here

Anyhow, if you are willing to help, please read thread and advise what we should do next?

[oddgirl]

I went through similar stresses with DS (5). Had a really difficult time in reception (sitting still/distractable etc etc). I already knew he had verbal dyspraxia and he also displayed motor dyspraxia and hypermobility. After much soul searching we decided to go for further assessment and DS now had ASD diagnosis.Both myself and the paed agreed he was not a clear cut case but I truly believe he has enough ASD traits to cause him difficulties in life especially school.
The upshot? Well we now have a very happy and settled boy in Year 1 with a statement in place and 1:1 support for some of the day...if I had known then what I know now I would have embraced the diagnosis far more...but I fully understand any reservations you may have..
HTH

[silverfrog]

I read some of your thread earlier, and have read a bit more now.

My dd2 sounds a lot like your ds. Absolutely fine a lot of the time, but when she isn't, boy do we know about it.

Dd1 has severe ASD, and so we have naturally been looking out for issues with dd2. She still baffles us, she just doesn't fit any boxes neatly.

But there are enough things about her to concern us, and we have flagged it up to her pre-school, who probably think we are over protective neurotic parents right now (dd2 only started in Sept, and so far all is going well. There have been some issues, but of the type where school would say it was the extreme edge of normal, if we hadn't filled them in on what we were thinking)

My take on this (more aboutnour situation than yours, I suppose) is that, while dd2 clearly does not have the issues that dd1 has, she does struggle with some things. And when she struggles, she struggles a LOT. So I want her to get the help she needs., be that an extra eye out for her when she is feeling sensitive, an extra smile in place of a stern word when misbehaving (dd2 cannot cope with people being cross with her, she falls apart)

And if it takes a label to get her that, then that is what we will do.

I cannot bear to think of her struggling, and feeling on then outside, and not do anything about nit.

But then, I am coming from a position of fighting long and hard to get dd1 what she needs - to not do the same for dd2, because I deem her problems to be less serious (and who am I to judge that? Obviously she does not have the learning disability, completely the opposite, but she understands so much more that it is very difficult to deal with her for very different reasons) would, to me, feel as though I am letting her down.

I want the help in place for her now, before things get too much for her to Cooper with, in terms of classroom rules etc, so that she never has to feel odd, or naughty, or as though she doesn't fit in. I don't want her to get to 8 or 9 and be failing badly (probably socially), and already labelled as a child whondoesnt ft in, before I get her the help she needs.

Sorry, just realised I have written a mammoth Oostende - subject close to my heart today as have been trying to get family members to understand some of this!

[anotherbrickinthewall]

Saw the original thread. tbh I don't have an inkling either way as to whether behaviour issues are because he has SEN or is unhappy at school. agree with justa's posts on your original thread. you might also want to consider speaking to these people -www.bibic.org.uk - a number of MNetters have been and found it very helpful - and they don't really diagnose, but take a holistic look at the child and provide strategies etc.

[silverfrog]

Oh, sorry, my recommendation for what you could try? I'd go for some Sensory Integration OT.

Has done wonders for dd1, and we will shortly be starting dd2 as well. Whereabouts in the country are you? We have a used a fab (but eyewateringly expensive) one, but worth every penny - dd1 was a different girl overnight.

[silverfrog]

Well, I'm sure it's all highly technical, but tbh it looks like a load of soft play!

It's all about stimulating the central nervous system, and building up better proprioception awareness etc.

Dd1 has an absolute ball.

They get her doing stuff like swinging on a platform swing, and then timing picking up an object, eg on the back swing, to throw into a target on the forward swing. In between she has to name it/name colour/answer a question about it, etc. Just to get all bits of her brain/nervous system working together.

Lots of rolling about and swinging, interspersed with doing fine motor tasks etc. And always (for dd1) bringing language tasks into it, as she has a huge speech delay, and often cannot talk if otherwise occupied.

We go to Hopscotch in London (sorry, on phone, so can't link) - can't recommend enough. Dd1, after just one session was able to cope with a shopping centre without covering her ears, could walkthrough calmly listening to directions form us, could walk past an escalator without dropping to the floor (phobic), because she was calm enough tovlisten to us tell her we wouldn't be travelling on it.

I wrote a long post about it not so long ago, discussing it with Moondog. Will try to bump it upnfor you, hang on.

Bibic is a good suggestion from a PP. They provided a great home sensory diet for us ton follow with dd1 when she was younger.

[StarkAndWitchesWillFindYou]

WilfShelf I read your other thread but not this one yet.

My comment would be that a good number of us here started out with 'I'm an imposter here, my ds doesn't really have any needs, but I have a couple of questions.....'

Some 'imposters' return to the NT world, but a good deal of stay here and collect information and strategies to tackle our children's difficulties, the professionals and the 'system'.

The most important thing you need to know is that PROGNOSIS for almost any SN, is intrinsically tied up with parental acceptance and resources.

You can be reassured that what I mean by resources is for many of us 'MN SN board'.

I'll read the rest of the thread now. And btw, I fully understand that you don't want to be here. Neither do any of us.

[silverfrog]

Have just bummed the thread, Lenin. It's quiute a long one, but, IMO interesting (although probably not if your dc doesn't need the level of input that most of it is discussing!)

[silverfrog]

that would be "bumped"

Autocorrections are the work of the devil!

[WilfShelf]

Thanks. By the way, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my threads. And please don't feel I am asking you to diagnose - I think it's probably best to try not to ask people to do that.

I suppose I should start facing up to the range of things that hint here. Last time DH had a chat with the teachers, they mentioned his noise aversion with some interest. And it is true - since quite young he has been pretty phobic about loud noises - hand-dryers, lawnmowers, fire alarms. At nursery, they had to take him out of the room specially whenever they did a firedrill because he would freak. But - again - it now seems intermittent - although he will not USE a hand-dryer now, he will go into a public loo where they're going off!

And he can be violent sometimes explosively and have total meltdowns that seem disproportionate to the event that caused it.

In some previous threads, I mentioned this, in relation to his getting in trouble at school. The teachers had mentioned having the SENCO involved and of course my ears were pricked up like a pointer. And because this had come just after the 'noise' discussion. I thought they were wondering about sensory stuff or ASD. Again though, I just don't see enough continuity in his 'issues'. Or maybe I just don't understand enough about how things work.

So I suppose I'd really like to hear how it is and was for other parents of kids on the borderlines of these things. Perhaps this is all very familiar?

I guess I have dropped my guard somewhat, hearing your stories. Which is a good thing if it helps him in the end.

I live somewhere near the Midlands/NW. I don't want to disclose too much - but if someone has a suggestion for private people to suggest nearby, please PM me...?

[silverfrog]

Sorry, not sure about people in the midlands. Ed psych wise, I'd start a new thread asking who people recommend.

We used David Urani, but we used him for a specific reason (he is known to dislike the intervention we were taking LA to tribunal to provide. Getting him to recommend it - he is also known for only recommending what he truly believes to be int he Childs best interests - was half our battle won, tbh.)

I'm not sure on a more general level who might be of use (often private Ed pyschs travel, so you don't need to restrict your search to your area)

Lenin - sorry, forgot to say, the thread I bumped is the "living on Planet Poor" one

[StarkAndWitchesWillFindYou]

WilfShelf 'Borderline'. That is an interesting one for sure.

During the younger years a lot of us feel our children's issues are 'borderline'. That is because the gap between them and their peers is very small. There hasn't been much time after all for it to widen. And let's face it, at 5 years old almost anything goes, and behaving as a 4 yr old is hardly a big deal. But what if they are still behaving like it when they are 10? What if they have been given no strategies or specific skills to act like their peers when they find it hard to mature or understand how to behave?

This is why early intervention is so important, because the further behind a child might get, the harder it is to catch up. And this is why parental acceptance and involvement is key.

Now I am not saying for one second your ds even has any difficulties. But I AM saying that if there are a couple of red flags that need investigating, you need to know about them sooner rather than later.

It is also worth noting, that many many parents would LOVE for their child have have more in depth assessments of their strengths and weaknesses just for fun really. It can't do any harm. As I think people have pointed out to you, your child can't be diagosed with anything unless you, the parent consent to it or even feel it would be helpful. In fact parents usually go begging for a dx that is being witheld for financial reasons or waiting list numbers, when they have done enough of their own research to be certain beyond doubt.

Good luck with your journey. I hope that all you get is a detailed and intersting report of your child and can use it to play to his strengths on family days out etc.

[anotherbrickinthewall]

my only experience is of private speech therapy, so not much use Wilf, sorry.

[TheArsenicCupCake]

Wilf.. When ds was younger he was kind of just quirky, a bit bouncy ( but aren't all boys?), didn't particularly like loud noises ( but boy did he make enough noise himself).
Then he went to school.. First couple of years a few tiny bits kind of got noticed by a teacher ( who actually had a brother with asd, as I found out later on ).. But tbh ds was a mix between a great Dane puppy ( all bouncy with paws way too big to control) and a round peg in a square hole.. ( but does it matter if my dc is not a sheep?).But that was all very normal to us.. And we knew nothing about ASD , aspergers, sensory issues etc... If we did there would have been red flags waving all over the place ! ( not even my mum picked up on anything and she is a psycologist! ( not anything to do with clinical or children though lol).

I do think it's right to just see if there is anything actually going on.. There maybe there may not be..
If not then it's no worry.. If there is .. Then you know where to start yelling ( to get the right provision).

[IndigoBell]

The sensitivity to noise sounds like hypersensitive hearing (hypercaucus sp?). This can be almost totally cured by auditory integration therapy.

We didn't realize me asd ds had this. We didn't realize that the normal noise in his class was painful to him. Like fingernails down a blackboard. No wonder he was 'naughty' a lot. - he was trying to cope with the pain.

There is so much you can do to help your son....

[WilfShelf]

I'm just not happy today. I keep thinking of DS2 differently. I think I am labelling him myself already. I don't want to, not just yet.

It feels pretty sad, and I don't really know why.

My mum confirms I was pretty crazy as a child: tantrums, impulsive, explosive. Not especially 'fidgety' and active now [hence being a lardarse] but as she put it 'with a restless mind'. She said I was a VERY active baby in the womb [!?] so much that it bothered her.

And she does think DS' noise aversion is an issue.

I'm seeing stuff everywhere. Is it better to just wait and sit on things and digest stuff? Or to try and get a definitive answer ASAP.

Help.