Has anyone not sleep trained at all?

(48 Posts)
Ra9902 Tue 29-Sep-20 21:41:41

Has anyone just decided to throw the books away and let nature take its course? If so when did your little one sleep through?

I’ve been doing some reading about different parenting approaches and cultural differences around the world in relation to babies and sleeping (tend to have been obsessed with reading / finding a solution for my none sleepy 8.5 month old!). It tends to only be in the West that we obsess about strict routines, independent sleeping, sleeping through at an early age and stigmatise breastfeeding past a certain age / cosleeping.

Not criticising people who like routines and sleep training by the way but I wish I’d known / considered that that approach wasn’t the ONLY option when I first had DD. Spent a lot of the time reading the books people gave me thinking I had to do xyz and feeling guilty or like a failure for ‘slipping up’ and cosleeping. I think I’d have been a lot less stressed I’d taken this stance from the beginning...easier said than done though!

I was just curious if anyone else had just rolled with it and at what age their child started to sleep through and then slept in their own room. I care far less about independent sleeping than I do sleeping - I don’t care if DD is in my bed till she’s 2 as long as she not awake half the night (like now) 😁

OP’s posts: |
TinySleepThief Tue 29-Sep-20 21:45:12

No sleep training here but 9 month old DS only started sleeping for any stretch of time when we moved him into his own room in his cot bed after he started climbing out of the next to me.

June628 Tue 29-Sep-20 21:45:50

Following with interest!
My DD has just turned 8 months. She has on a few occasions slept 7-6 but usually wakes up for a feed around 4/5am then goes back down until 6:30/7. I don’t count that as sleeping through although I suppose it isn’t too bad.
I haven’t done any sleep training at all, she sleeps in cot but not in own room yet.
It’s so easy to obsess over sleep isn’t it!!

Lambkin14 Tue 29-Sep-20 21:46:11

Do many people sleep train? I don't know many friends who have to be honest. My little one is 14 months, went in their own room once they turned 6 months old and sleep is still mixed! We'll sometimes get a few days of sleeping through but then teething/cold/leap/regression will hit and we're back to multiple wakings which only boob will solve. Some people are lucky and have babies that will sleep through from very early on, others have babies that wake a lot. I personally think babies are meant to wake up in the night - I know we as adults certainly don't always sleep through, so why do people try to enforce that on a child. Just do what you're comfortable with! If you want to co-sleep with Dd then do it, just do what works for you!

Aroundtheworldin80moves Tue 29-Sep-20 21:46:45

I coslept (and breastfed) DD2 through the night until she was 2.5. She then just decided she would sleep in the room with her sister instead (where her bed was waiting for her).

I might have pandered to her a bit. But she had a lung infection at 8 months which lead to might coughing until she was 2. (Doctor/HVsaid she would grow out of it... And she did.) But I don't regret it.

mynameiscalypso Tue 29-Sep-20 21:46:53

I don't think I read anything about sleeping other than the occasional MN thread. DS slept through from relatively early of his own accord and moved into his own room at 9 months roughly sleeping 7pm-6am. Bedtime used to be a bit of a battle until he dropped down to one nap at about 12 months and now I generally put him down, he rolls over and falls asleep immediately. We've always been led by him - his bedtime is generally around 7 because that's when he starts to seem tired although it can be anywhere from 5.30pm - 8.30pm depending one what we've been doing. I'm a crap sleeper so disturbed nights etc never really bother me and I never felt the need to actually change anything but just let things happen naturally. DS is nearly 14 months now and most nights are easy. We sometimes have a wake up after the first sleep cycle but it's easy to resettle him and occasionally he will wake early (5.30ish) but will generally have a bottle and go back to sleep for an hour.

LongWinterNights Tue 29-Sep-20 21:47:55

Yes, I did! We are completely obsessed with infants sleeping “through the night” in our culture - I dont even sleep through the night as an adult!

Never did any form of sleep training with DD1 - co slept and continued breastfeeding until she was 2. I did night wean her around her second birthday but she would only infrequently wake by then, she is 7 now and sleeps happily on her own, but also loves to sneak into our bed (which I will miss so much one day).

DD2 is 13mo and still feeds frequently through the night! Her cot is attached to our bed as she prefers space to starfish out!

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doadeer Tue 29-Sep-20 21:48:01

I often hear this said on mumsnet that only in West to parents sleep train but on previous threads there's also been lots from other cultures who said this just isn't true.

It depends what you consider to be sleep training. Ultimately it's helping your child learn to sleep without significant sleep aids as far as I understand it.

I have a friend who loves telling me how bad sleep training is but they have done a gradual withdrawal technique. In her mind sleep training = leave baby to cry uncontrollably which just isn't what sleep training is. She would tell me how exhausted she is every day and how she's struggling with 18m old and naps were a constant source of stress. So I'm really not convinced the "anti sleep training brigade" are onto a winner.

We help our children to breastfeed, eat, use a potty etc - which are all "natural things" I don't really see how helping your child go to sleep is seen as so wrong.

FourPlasticRings Tue 29-Sep-20 21:49:40

Me. She sleeps through fairly consistently at 2.25 years. First time she did it was at 18 months but it wasn't consistent- you'll come across sleep regressions so go through phases of poorer sleep but it's generally an upward trend.

If you want to find out more, there's a helpful webpage and Facebook group:

thebeyondsleeptrainingproject.com/

mirandatempest Tue 29-Sep-20 21:49:46

I didn't sleep train. DD and I co slept though so that might be why she slept ok - it's not for everyone. She was amazing sleeper and went 4 hours, quick feed and four more from about 1 week old. It all went wrong when she hit 2 though. She was really fussy and wouldn't eat much in the day and would wake hungry at 4 am. That was rubbish. Now she's 3 she's in her own bed and does 11 hours a night.

doadeer Tue 29-Sep-20 21:51:16

To add to what I said as jsut read PPs - it's not the waking that's the issue. It's waking constantly in the night and unable to find any comfort themselves or go back to sleep.

I don't expect a 4 month old baby to do this! But my 20month old often wakes and goes back to sleep himself. He will call to us if he needs something but he isn't upset.

Lockdownseperation Tue 29-Sep-20 21:51:22

When she was 2ish. I can’t remember exactly before then one of us would just hop into bed with her and snuggle her back down to sleep.

Fatted Tue 29-Sep-20 21:51:24

I just rolled with it and had absolutely no routine whatsoever. But you won't like what age my DC started sleeping through! Although, I guess that does prove your point that strict routines are not the answer.

RepeatSwan Tue 29-Sep-20 21:52:58

Never did sleep training. To me it seems weird.

The kids in our family were all different in terms of how early they slept.

CeeceeBloomingdale Tue 29-Sep-20 21:53:26

I did gradual retreat with #1 as a toddler and vowed not to do it again. The good news is #2 found their own way. The bad news is it took 7 years for them to sleep through. Sorry

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 29-Sep-20 21:53:51

Me.

I care far less about independent sleeping than I do sleeping

I’m with you on this ^

I find MN generally pro sleep training and I don’t get it at all. If you’re on fb have you come across the beyond sleep training project? Kindred spirits aplenty.

MermaidPants Tue 29-Sep-20 21:55:21

My son started sleeping through (7pm - 6am) 6 days before his first birthday. Previously, he was waking 3-4 times a night, but then just stopped waking at all one night. We didn't change anything or try anything new. It's been 5 weeks now and we've had maybe 3 or 4 nights where he's woken once or twice.

We co sleep (side sleeper cot).

We tried moving him to his own room at 7 months because everyone said he'd sleep better and he just got worse and worse (hours of screaming each night) so we moved him back after 3 weeks, and the long awake periods and screaming stopped.

You need to do what works for you, but our experience has convinced me "sleeping through" is a developmental thing and they will all get their eventually!

I know he won't sleep like this forever and we will have ups and downs but it has worked for us. I'm not sure when we will move him to his own room permanently but I'm in no rush!

ellenpartridge Tue 29-Sep-20 21:59:17

Never did any type of sleep training. Child's sleep improved massively on its own by the time she turned 3. Before that she had the odd spell of sleeping through but not consistently.

FolkSongSweet Tue 29-Sep-20 22:03:09

We didn’t sleep train and DS started sleeping through at 2. From 13-24 months he would wake once per night and come into our bed, which was totally fine. It was harder in his first year but cosleeping and breastfeeding made it easier. I’m pregnant again and will do the same with this baby.

CoronaBollox Tue 29-Sep-20 22:05:09

My toddler slept through quite early (pure luck) but I've never had a strict routine of bath bottle bed etc. Some children need a routine so I'm not bashing it, it has its purpose. But I had conversations with friends saying they put their DC to bed, then up and down for the next hour trying to get them to sleep, back again in the night etc and thought sod that. So I left DD to it as long as she wasn't over tired. She would normally start rubbing her eyes around 7.30 and I would lay her down then she wouldnt wake until 7 then next day.

DC2 now I'm taking the same approach. She is 6 months old and has been "sleeping through" (from 9.30 to 6.00) for a few weeks now but does have her odd days.

Baby settles next to me in bed then I put her in to the crib, toddler I sit on the end of her bed until she is asleep but it only takes her ten minutes to drift off. I prefer to take it how it goes and remind myself, I've never met a 15 year old who has to have their mummy lay next to them to drift off, so they must grow out of it.

merryhouse Tue 29-Sep-20 22:05:20

I didn't.

We co-slept and nursed on demand till about 2y3m/2y6m, then moved into separate bed and nursed only to sleep till 2y6m/2y9m. S1 stopped making us aware that he was waking in the night at some point after 3 - it was a gradual reduction and finally stopped round about the same time he became dry at night. S2 I think (it was a while ago) had stopped waking me by the time we stopped nursing to sleep - he wasn't dry at night for considerably longer.

For the first two years each time I didn't get uninterrupted sleep (though the later part was not as bad as the first six months). I suspect I would have found it very hard if I'd had a job.

Both boys have had very few sleep problems since. No fuss about going to bed, hardly any nightmares, dropping off well until at least pre-teen years (S2 has occasionally had to implement Sleep Hygiene practices) and no trouble with getting up in the mornings.

Never0000 Tue 29-Sep-20 22:06:12

I completely rolled with it, coslept and breastfed. Against everything sleep training culture tells you in terms of having to "teach" sleep, DD's sleep just got better and better over time - it's just developmental. She occasionally slept through from around 24m I think, regularly since about 2.5. But nights had hot much easier already from around 15-16 months if I remember correctly - still waking maybe 2-3 times but only briefly and going back to sleep easily.

Fast90 Tue 29-Sep-20 22:06:34

OP it sounds as though perhaps your best option would be to put the books down and learn to read your baby instead

picklecustard Tue 29-Sep-20 22:07:55

Never done sleep training, didn’t even consider it or realise many people did it?

Oly4 Tue 29-Sep-20 22:08:22

I have never sleep trained. 3 kids.. they started sleeping through more or less every night aged 2, 2 and almost 4.
I don’t believe in leaving babies to cry. I’ve done a lot of cuddling!

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