Mummy in need of some advice

[TwinkleStars15]

Just typed a massive post and thought people would get bored reading it so have condensed it!

Key facts -

4 months old
Exclusively breastfed
Good bedtime routine of bath, swaddle, feed and she’s asleep
Always goes down in her side cot
Used to sleep quite well at night

What i need help with -

I think she’s become totally dependent on a feed every time she wakes up and won’t go back to sleep without it. This wouldn’t be such an issue but she’s waking every 2 hours now which she never used to do.

She won’t go back in her cot after the first feed so she’s co slept with us since birth.

She stirs at around 1am, if I leave her she wakes and cries, if I scoop her up and lay her next to me she’ll go back to sleep for a few more hours.

I don’t mind co sleeping but not if she’s going to wake every 2 hours! She can’t be hungry that often so I know she doesn’t NEED a feed every time.

What do I do to help her sleep better? I know she can self settle as she does it every morning for her nap!

Any advice is welcome

[jessicajaine01]

Have read a lot of good things about CC, but i tried a dummy with my 4 year old works very well, although still has at least 1 bottle a night but does go off quite quickly after touches every wooden object in sight* I tried to leave her to fidget as much as possible because she doesnt actually cry just sits there wanting to be picked up i think. Very hard because i get worried she needs a bottle or nappy change or something.

[jessicajaine01]

Btw i didnt want to try a dummy but read a few things online that swayed me, she barley uses it in the day and yes sometimes does wake if it falls out, but easier to put a dummy in quickly than to make a bottle or bf. Good luck x x

[crazycatlady5]

CC is absolutely not recommended for a 4 month old.

Have a look into the 4 month sleep regression, it’s really brutal! But you’ll survive it. For about 2 weeks my little one was waking every 45 minutes, it was horrendous but I cosleep anyway so got as much rest as possible.

It will pass and get easier until the 8 month regression that I’m currently knee deep in

[crazycatlady5]

They are still growing quite a lot at this stage, so baby is probably hungry. But you could set yourself targets such as feed at x time and then not for another 3 hours and then another 3 hours and so on, and just comfort in between?

[INeedNewShoes]

At this age many babies go through a phase of needing more feeds. Sometimes its labelled the '4 month sleep regression'. For my sanity I decided to think of it as the '4 month development spurt so needs more fuel'. I think it typically lasts around 3 weeks.

At 4 months I did encourage DD to self settle at night. She would whinge (grumbly cry rather than distressed cry) for a couple of minutes then suck her thumb and go to sleep. The thumb-sucking starting was the beginning of better sleep at night for DD. If she stirs she just finds her thumb and goes back to sleep. You could encourage your DD to find her thumb or you could try a dummy.

The other thing is that by 4 months my DD wouldn't have liked to be swaddled. She started shuffling around in her cot a lot more in her sleep and I think being restricted might have woken her up, so that's another thing to think about.

[TwinkleStars15]

Thank you all

I tried taking her out of her swaddle and she hated it, woke up every hour crying so put her back in it and she was so much better. It’s really hard knowing when the right time is

Last night I tried to leave her and see if she’d go back to sleep but she went from grumbling to full on crying so I picked her up and tried soothing her, which made her more annoyed that she wasn’t being fed, so fed her. I gave in within 2-3 minutes so wonder if I should have waited a bit longer but as you say, she’s still young and I don’t usually let her cry.

[perfectpanda]

I'm in exactly the same position with dc3 who is 4.5 months. I keep saying I won't feed until after 2am but give in within about 2 minutes of patting! Been like it for a couple of weeks now. As I sleep quite well with him in the bed I've decided to go with it until it feels more of a problem and very much hoping it all magically gets better again!.

[crazycatlady5]

@perfectpanda just go with feeding it is much quicker!

OP can you transition with the swaddle? One arm out/arms slightly out?

[Flisspaps]

All sounds normal to me, sorry

[RibenaMonsoon]

There are a lot of growth sports as well when they are that young. Sounds pretty standard I'm afraid. DS was the same at 4 months. Hang in there, it will get better as time goes on.

[Wetwashing00]

Definitely google 4 month regression.
Is their any reason why you don’t want to feed her to sleep?
All my experience of breast fed babies use the boob to soothe.
You could try a dummy if you wish but at the end of the day it’s not a boob.
Everything sounds normal, it is hard isn’t it.

[Unicornberry]

It sounds like the 4 month regression/leap.

If your comfortable with it, it's normal for your baby to comfort feed and it's okay, they will grow out of it when they are ready.

The Milk Meg has some really great sleep advice for a BF baby, she has a Facebook page and a book (I think the book is called boobin all day, boobin all night).

[Howsthings1234]

Is it possible that it’s a growth spurt and she is genuinely hungry? I remember my daughter going through more frequent wake ups and taking a lot more milk in the night a month or so before we started weaning... I feel for you as I know how hard it is when it feels like their sleep goes backwards.

[FATEdestiny]

TwinkleStars15 - will baby take a dummy to comfort suck insteas of feeding?

[TwinkleStars15]

Thank you all!

So last night she only woke twice for a feed, managed to get her arms out of her swaddle but was quite content about it AND let me put her back in her cot after her first feed (albeit only for an hour).... so confusing!

This makes me think i should be firmer on the bad nights as she can clearly do it

Fate no she doesn’t have a dummy and I’m reluctant to introduce one now....

unicorn great name for a book, that made me laugh. I’ll take a look.

[DumbledoresPensieve]

Have you got The Wonder Weeks app? It's really useful, shows when they are going through development leaps and when they are, you can usually expect disturbed sleep, general agitated behaviour, fussy feeding etc. There's a big one around 4 months.

[Wetwashing00]

I wouldn’t assume she’s choosing to have a ‘bad night’ (i dislike your term) so I don’t think being firmer will help solve your problem to be honest.
It genuinely sounds like she needs to feed more to make more milk as she’s growing.
I’m guessing you’re struggling with sleep deprivation so that’s why you’re focusing on it being a negative instead of a positive. She’s growing, your milk is doing it’s job and that’s just how breastfeeding works. It can be a bugger and you have my sympathy,so my best advice is just to follow your baby and go with the flow. If she wants to wake and feed more I’d let her.
Best of luck getting past the growth spurt. It does get easier

[crazycatlady5]

It’s not for everyone but cosleeping will really help with the sleep deprivation at this stage.

[TwinkleStars15]

dumble I’ve got the App, need to remind myself to look at it more lol, thank you.

wet I didn’t say she was “choosing” to have a “bad night”? Millions of parents would use the phrase bad night across the world when their children didn’t sleep well I’m not tired (I’ve always been okay with disturbed sleep) it’s just I’d like to help my little one have a better nights sleep herself, she’s clearly tired when she wakes up after a bad night and wants to sleep until 11am, which I let her do. When she’s had a good night she’s up much earlier so it’s just to help her, not me.

[crazycatlady5]

Honestly you don’t need to help her what she is doing is completely normal. A lot of people try to ‘help’ their little one sleep through the night and often baby isn’t sleeping any better they’re just not crying out x

[Jengib]

My son has just come out the other end of this he is 5 months this week and has started sleeping 5-6 hours without needing a feed again. He was waking every 2 hours like your dd. It is completely normal at this age apparently and is all just part of their growth. It is hard when you are in it but it will pass after a few weeks. Just hang in there!

[Wetwashing00]

I don’t mean to offend you, I know what you mean by a ‘bad night’
But I just think that at this age it’s a bit unreasonable to assume she is capable of having a ‘good night’ and just needs help.especially during a growth spurt. I’m not sure how being firmer will help her sleep longer if she needs to feed more frequently to grow. And since you mentioned that you don’t mind co-sleeping as long as she’s not waking every 2 hours I assumed it was because u disliked having broken sleep. I’m sorry if I got that wrong.

[TwinkleStars15]

I think I’ll just go with it and accept that sometimes she just needs a bit more food/comfort then, I just don’t like seeing her tired and upset. Sometimes she’ll wake up but won’t open her eyes and cry and I know then that she’s so tired and needs more sleep.

It’s just so hard because so many people say about getting them into bad habits which are hard to break and it just became clear that night that she is dependant on boob to sleep and I started thinking I should try and move away from that, but on the other hand she’s still so young.

It’s also completely my fault because I love co sleeping with her so it was me that began picking her up and cuddling up next to her!

[crazycatlady5]

Cosleeping is wonderful and totally natural, and those that go on about bad habits tend to be very old fashioned. My 9 month old is currently become more independent every day. We cosleep and she has a side carred cot and she has just started to push me away in favour of her own space. I’ve not done anything to encourage that except go with the flow and feed and cuddle her when she needs it x

[Wetwashing00]

I won’t lie, I was waiting for you to respond with something along the lines you just said.
All this bad habits talk is really old fashioned and usually these babies were formula fed. Just do whatever you are most comfortable with and try not to rock the boat sticking to other people views or doubting what you are doing.
I have fed both ways with 2 different children and I found the formula fed baby advice didn’t really help with a breast fed baby. I had to completely forget everything I knew about feeding a baby when I exclusively breast fed my 2nd baby, this was the best advice I was ever given.
Breastfeeding worked best for me when I let my baby have a boob whenever he wanted. Feeding routines change so frequently due to them growing that it was an impossible task to try and keep to very strict routines that were always the same. By the time weaning starts you will hopefully be less of a milk machine/night time soother.