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Tips for getting rid of babies dummy

(46 Posts)
robyneHet Sun 23-Apr-17 06:37:44

Hi...hoping for some suggestions (or a miracle answer 😂)
DS is EBF 6months old and a terrible sleeper- always has been. However I've recently made good progress and managed to stop feeding to sleep. It has helped lots and I now dream feed at 10pm and once in the night (around 3ish). He is in a good routine, goes to bed at 7am and up for the day about 6am.
However!....I've stopped feeding to sleep and replaced this with a dummy, to point where he is now completely dependent on it and needs me to put it back in all the time! Initially this was a few times during the night which tbh I wasn't fussed about...but it's gradually got worse and the last 3 nights we are back to waking hourly again...all night long 😭
So dummy I guess needs to go 🙁
How do I do this without loads of screaming?! Is it ok to let him have dummy for naps and for initially going to bed but then 'refuse' to give it back to him..or is this too confusing and a bit cruel??
I need to do something...it's probably the sleep deprivation but I'm starting to loose the love for him 😞 It's DDs 3rd birthday today and DH and I can't even face the day never mind get excited for her and enjoy her little tea party we are having later (why the hell did I think that was a good idea 😣😴😆) x

Heirhelp Sun 23-Apr-17 06:44:59

I came on here as I will be soon taking the dummy of my nearly one year old and I am looking for tips.

This is not the answer to the question that you asked but when my DD was six months old or maybe younger and she kept losing the dummy during the night I let her play with it during the day so she knew how to find it during the night and go put it back in herself. At that point she was have 3 or 4 feeds (ff) so I decided I needed the sleep.

robyneHet Sun 23-Apr-17 06:52:19

Morning smile arghhh dummies are ace in lots of ways but terrible in others!
So the other 'issue' I have is he is still swaddled! Get get him to sleep at all without his woombie on 🙈...in fact that was going to be another question!
Do I go cold turkey and wean from swaddle and get rid of dummy in one go 😱 or tackle one at a time?!! X

robyneHet Sun 23-Apr-17 06:59:20

I should probably add HeirHelp that DD had a dummy until she was about 18months (never had this issue with her mind)...I basically got strict with dummy and it was only allowed in cot at home...so car/pram naps she got used to going to sleep without it. She was attached to a comforter by then and 1 night I just passed her it but didn't give her the dummy...she did cry a bit for a few nights but nothing dramatic. I think as long as you 'replace the comfort' with something else once over the 12month mark it's not too bad to do. X

FATEdestiny Sun 23-Apr-17 10:06:31

It's an increased risk of SIDE to remove a dumny from baby under 12 months. By all means restrict to only sleep time, but there is a risk factor in refusing it.

Babies learn to put their own dumny dummy in about 8-10 months old, until then if you have a baby waking frequently then you will need to do it for her. I'd suggest keeping baby's cot next to your bed and making the dummy easy to find, to make this easier.

If your baby is waking frequently, this is nothing to do with dummy. Dummy is just an easier way to get baby back to sleep. Without it baby will still still wake, you'll just not have an easy way to get back to sleep.

Light sleeping (waking frequently in the night) is usually caused by:
- not enough sleep over 24/48 hours
- not enough calories over 24/48 hours
- pain
Not dummy use.

Dummy is supposed to replace breastfeeding to sleep. That is the entire purpose of dummy. An independant sleeping substitute for that comfort, that does not require mothers nipple. Baby will need comfort to go to sleep. So without feeding or dummy you could be rocking to sleep, co sleeping, choose your alternate really.

There isn't no replacement though. You have unrealistic expectations if you think this.

FATEdestiny Sun 23-Apr-17 10:06:56

SIDS*

missanony Sun 23-Apr-17 10:11:37

Just throw them away and go cold turkey. It'll be a rough 3 days but that's all.

robyneHet Sun 23-Apr-17 10:44:35

But Fate there are lots and lots of babies at 6months who don't feed to sleep and don't have a dummy? I'm pleased I've managed to stop feeding to sleep but having to go in hourly to replace dummy is not realistic in the long term...regardless of the fact that I am knackered!...I also feel that I somehow need to 'teach' DS to sleep better for his own health, development etc. Surely waking hourly isn't good for him? He's generally a happy little baby but the last few days he has been so tired and miserable 😞
I do appreciate what you are saying tho and would no way entertain leaving him to scream to sleep with no comfort...I was just looking for tips on how anybody had settled their babies without a dummy or nipple! I'm pretty sure he's not hungry...dream feed at 10pm and fed him last night at 3 and he briefly nursed..offered second side and he refused it! He also wasn't hungry when he woke at 6 and didn't feed until 07:30. It could be teeth?...but this has been going on for 3months now so I'm doubtful it's just that x

FATEdestiny Sun 23-Apr-17 11:19:56

But Fate there are lots and lots of babies at 6months who don't feed to sleep and don't have a dummy?

They'll get their comfort elsewhere
- rocked to sleep
- held to sleep
- cuddled to sleep
- sucking thumb/finger/fist
- sucking toy/muslin/blanket
- self rhythmic movement like stroking own cheek, tickling ear, twiddling with hair
- self rocking (rocking side to side or back and forth)
- "head banging" vigorously swishing head side to side

I was just looking for tips on how anybody had settled their babies without a dummy or nipple!

The method you use depends on how much crying you will tolerate.

In-cot settling with a firm hand on chest and some gentle patting and shushing is the quickest route to independant sleeping. But will involve crying to sleep.

Cuddling/rocking/co sleeping to sleep is a gentler route, it will involve much led crying, but will take longer.

Honestly though, I think you have wholly unrealistic expectations here.

Is the cot next to your bed?
What's baby's daytime sleep like?
How have baby's milk feeds changed since weaning and how is weaning going?

FATEdestiny Sun 23-Apr-17 11:21:39

Would this be useful?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/2909244-gradual-retreat-how-do-you-retreat

Brokejoke Sun 23-Apr-17 11:23:28

It's an increased risk of SIDE to remove a dumny from baby under 12 months. By all means restrict to only sleep time, but there is a risk factor in refusing it.

Is it a SIDs risk to not use a dummy at all then, or is it only if they have got used to one and then you stop it? My dd is older now so I'm just asking out of curiosity. She was EBF and I tried getting her to use a dummy to give me a break but she never took to it.

Brokejoke Sun 23-Apr-17 11:24:56

(Sorry op, I don't want to make the thread go off-topic, I just hadn't heard about the dummy/Sids thing before!)

LapinR0se Sun 23-Apr-17 11:29:15

Your absolute top priority which you must do today is to lose the swaddle.
If your baby can roll, you have to stop swaddling.
So do that first and then work on the dummy

FATEdestiny Sun 23-Apr-17 11:30:38

Is it a SIDs risk to not use a dummy at all then

Regular dummy use (ie used at every sleep time and never refused) is a factors associated with a decreased risk of SIDS

There is a summary of the evidence here, and a link to download the more detailed research:

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/research/evidence-base/

robyneHet Sun 23-Apr-17 11:31:39

Ok...I guess it's difficult to not compare from friends babies and my own DD (3)...they all have/had dummies to go to bed but didn't seem to need them to be replaced every hour 😕
He was in snuzpod up until 1 month ago...he's now in his own room...is made no difference better or worse...other than me having to get out of bed 11 times last night 😳
He feeds well and weaning is going ok...just the usual really. Naps again are ok...sometimes he has 2 hours sometimes only 40mins...just depends on whether he is in cot or out in car/pram on nursery run etc.
I should add I'm currently going in and out of nursery every 5mins to replace dummy whilst he is crying as I decided to un-swaddle him...regretting that big time now 😭

LapinR0se Sun 23-Apr-17 11:32:54

Also don't worry about removing dummy increasing SUDS risk. That is in much younger babies. The lullaby trust recommends that you begin removing the dummy by 6 months and dispose of it completely by 12 months.

LapinR0se Sun 23-Apr-17 11:35:23

Interesting that the lullaby trust also recommends not to force the dummy on babies or reinsert it if the baby spits it out.

robyneHet Sun 23-Apr-17 11:35:37

Going to have to abandon nap I think?! He's sweating and screaming now despite me trying to settle him with dummy....arrghh...sod dummy...how do I unswaddle?! 😭 I knew it would be bad but wasn't expecting this 😱

robyneHet Sun 23-Apr-17 11:37:25

Could be 1 way to wean off the dummy tho because he is pulling it out himself and continuously crying! What the hell?!

FATEdestiny Sun 23-Apr-17 11:40:26

I didn't spot you were swaddling too 🙈

OP - you have yourself a baby who needs a lot of help to get to sleep. There is no great stress in that, if you just accept it and then work out ways to maximise both yours and babies sleep.

I have had two children (DC2 and 3) who were easy with sleep, didn't need much input from me. Then two children (DC1 and 4) who were more needy, needed much more help from me to sleep.

You are not going to turn your needy baby into an easy baby. You just have to change your frame of mind.

I had a negative "my baby just must learn" attitude with DC1 needy baby. Stress and had me and not sleeping well until about 3 years old.

I had a much more positive frame of mind with needy DC4 "my baby needs me, so I will teach her to sleep alone but know she needs me a lot in the mean-time". She was independant sleeping consistantly by 12 months.

I got much more sleep, was a lot less stressed and had much better outcomes (in terms of sleep) just by changing my point of view and expectations.

robyneHet Sun 23-Apr-17 11:41:30

I didn't mean 'sod dummy' to the lullaby info btw 🙈😂 we were typing at same time! X

LapinR0se Sun 23-Apr-17 11:44:38

What time did he wake up this morning and what's he had to eat so far today?

FATEdestiny Sun 23-Apr-17 11:44:44

he's now in his own room...

I would be "sod this" in that case.

Walking back and forth to another room all night. Stuff that. My sleep is far too important for that

robyneHet Sun 23-Apr-17 11:44:59

Ok Fate thanks. I think it has come as a shock if I'm honest because he's such a chilled out happy little baby you don't expect him not to be a 'sleeper' if that makes sense?!
No idea why I didn't unswaddle him sooner?! What was I thinking?! I think it was the 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' attitude (when he did sleep until 4month regression 🙄)

FATEdestiny Sun 23-Apr-17 11:47:51

Personally I wouldn't unswaddle if he likes it. I wouldn't even consider it, given how needy he evidently is.

But then i also wouldnt consider removing the dummy....

Or moving cot out of my bedroom until baby was sleping through...

So clearly I'm not any kind of example you want to follow. Good luck!

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