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If you lay with your DC to get them to sleep..

34 replies

Questi0ns · 25/05/2015 20:42

How did you ever end it?

At the moment it's taking 1 hour + for DS (2 years) to drift off to sleep with one of us with him. I don't mind but my DH does. Once he's asleep in our bed then one of us transfers him to his crib then he mostly STTN.

We have a new baby and its getting a bit much for DH.

I'm wondering if anyone else did something similar and how it ever stopped?

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Golfhotelromeofoxtrot · 25/05/2015 20:44

We did this with my dd, we moved it to sitting on the landing instead (with her in the cot) and now we just leave her.

Could you try in the cot and sitting next to him?

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grabaspoon · 25/05/2015 20:47

My bosses did this with the 16 month old. I had to do 2 nights of controlled crying but now dc goes straight to sleep instead of taking upto 2 hours and night time waking are minimal;

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TheABC · 25/05/2015 20:49

Working on this one. Thanks to MN advice, I have cut the bedtime routine down to half an hour. No TV 2 hours before bed, stuff toddler with food, fixed succession of bath, book, boob, bed. Now this is bedding in, I am considering the kiss-kiss game (variant of gradual withdrawal) to get him asleep on his own.

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Questi0ns · 25/05/2015 20:51

Because we've just had a new baby I feel like I'm not up for CC/CIO. I just feel like there's been so much change for him I don't want him to associate new baby coming with big upset. Baby sleeps in co-sleeper in with us..

I'm worried he will feel usurped.

Golf - how did it go? How long did it take? How old was your DC? Was she very upset?

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Questi0ns · 25/05/2015 20:51

Kiss kiss game?

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trilbydoll · 25/05/2015 20:53

DD goes to sleep in her cot bed - I sit on the floor next to her with a hand on her chest if necessary, I think DH usually folds himself into bed with her!

She doesn't sleep through though, she comes in with us during the night. So I'm not sure I would risk losing that in your position.

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SmellyBumMum · 25/05/2015 20:58

We used to lay beside our DD 2.9 until she went to sleep until one night I went cold turkey. We also had a newborn and it was driving me insane laying there for half an hour each night. I told her I would be back to check on her in 5 mins and by the time I did she was fast asleep. She'd ask every night for me to stay and I'll never forget the hurt in her eyes when I said no, but after a week she was more excited about me agreeing to go back on check on her than me staying with her!

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flipflopsonfifthavenue · 25/05/2015 22:03

We'd just recently got to the good night and leave stage with DS1 when DS2 was born. About three weeks after DS2 was born, I was saying goodnight to DS1 when he suddenly held my hands tightly and screamed Mummy don't leave me!!!! What could I do??? I sat on his bedroom floor while he fell asleep. Next night DP lay on his flour and just like that - we were back to square one. DS1 was 2.4yo at the time and thankfully, because he no longer napped, it only took ten mins to fall asleep so DP didn't mind.
About a month ago DP just said to him, "I'm going to sit outside your bedroom tonight" and DS1 said, "ok". Couple of night later DP just said goodnight and came downstairs. DS1 is 2.10yo now.
We're at my parents house this week and it's big and old and creaky and on three floors. DP has sat outside his room again at bedtime....
These things are never linear...!

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PragmaticWench · 25/05/2015 22:10

We used a gradual retreat strategy, a bit like the 'No cry sleep solution' and I can now leave the room and promise to check on her. Generally that works and she drifts off. DH though has to stay with her for AGES until she is properly asleep or she yells the house down.

We've used a gro-clock and a sticker-reward chart to work on not getting out of bed too early.

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PragmaticWench · 25/05/2015 22:12

Oh and a friend has a DD who insists she stands in the doorway until DD is asleep; my friend places a slipper poking over the doorway and heads off downstairs for dinner. Genius!

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TheBananaFaceOfEvil · 25/05/2015 22:16

It happened through necessity when DS2 came along. DH was out and I was doing bedtime on my own. I read DS1 stories while I fed DS2. Then I told him I was going to put DS2 to bed and I'd come back to check on him in five minutes. I did, and he was asleep Shock He was 3.5 though, so a bit older. He also stopped sleeping through for a good few months after DS2's birth. Think he was just checking we were still there :)

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Shakey1500 · 25/05/2015 22:44

Oh pragmatic that slipper has to be one of THE best things I've read on MN Grin

(I've nothing to add, my DS is 7 but post op enforced bed rest boredom is compelling me to read every active thread!)

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roofio87 · 26/05/2015 08:12

I did the same as some pp. my ds used to need my hand to hold while he fell asleep in the cot. I started just having to pop out to 'do a quick job' and cane straight back, then over time I left it longer and longer and now I barely have to go back in, he will just fall asleep. it does take him a while to fall asleep though, I think that's just him. He won't sleep before 8pm so I generally try and have him in his cot for 7 30 ish and it takes him about half an hour to drift off. some children do take a while!

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Twinklestar2 · 26/05/2015 08:21

Pragmatic - that made me laugh out loud! Genius!

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flanjabelle · 26/05/2015 08:31

Watching with interest.

Dd is 19months and at 16 months we cracked it. She was messing about one night and I just tried putting her in the cot and leaving her as I had had enough to be honest. From then on she went down by herself no problem. then she had an awful awful cold and was beside herself if I left her, so we went back to cuddling to sleep thinking it would go back once she was better. It never did and here we are months on. She takes up to an hour to fall asleep and I have no evening to myself. I'm finding it really stressful actually.

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TheABC · 26/05/2015 20:14
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paxtecum · 26/05/2015 20:17

I used to get in bed with my DCs at 7.30pm and often wake up at midnight.

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TelephoneIgnoringMachine · 26/05/2015 20:22

We used to cuddle to sleep. We now lay next to DD (in her bed) to get her to sleep. We're just trying the "Return To Bed" strategy, as seen on Supernanny. DD is 3.1 though & a good sleeper, bad at going off to sleep. She needs to learn to self settle. We nearly had it last night. (Only about 10 escape attempts, she settled so I came down, she got a bit upset after 20 mins so DH went up & laid next to her to calm her.)

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slushie · 01/06/2015 19:43

We've been doing rapid return for a few weeks now. Dd (2 in a month) no longer gets out of bed constantly or strips off, but I'm still on the stairs for between 10 mins and 2 hours every night. I've tried leaving her and going down but she starts getting out of bed again.
Any advice? I'd like my evenings back!

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ForEverythingAReason · 02/06/2015 09:31

Watching with interest. Have started having to do this recently with 22 WEEK old. Worried I am going to cause problems in the future, but see no alternative other than leaving her to scream which I am in no way up for atm.

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ForEverythingAReason · 02/06/2015 09:47

Sorry - to clarify, I know here are tactics other than CC (which I know, my add is waaaaaay too young for) and lying with my baby, but I have tried so many things and lying with her seems to be the best way to get her to settle atm. Really hope I am not creating a problem!

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LetThereBeCupcakes · 03/06/2015 08:09

Similar to banana but intentionally - DS is 2.4. We do bath / stories / milk then tuck him up in bed with a couple of his books and his bear, and tell him to "read" to his teddy whilst I go and wash up. Promise to check on him once the washing up's done. He's out like a light before I get back.

We've been through all sorts with getting him to sleep - from co-sleeping, BFing to sleep, rocking to sleep. Awful times, but it's all good now!

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LetThereBeCupcakes · 03/06/2015 08:10

Sorry, meant to say we also use a gro-clock. Bought it a few weeks back to tackle early wakings, which it has, but it's also helped at bed time. We turn on the stars and tell him they'll watch over him and he seems to really like that.

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caeleth84 · 04/06/2015 14:57

We did this with DS1 from when he stopped bf'ing to sleep until he was just over 2. He did fall asleep at nap time by himself for quite a while though, so we knew he was able to fall asleep by himself. He's quite verbal, so I explained to him that I was going to go to the living room and watch him in the camera (we have a babycall with video, which he know how works), and he could fall asleep on his own. Went out, went back in when he cried, reassured him that it was ok and that I was watching him. Out again, and tried to give him a bit of time to calm himself down if he started crying again (a few minutes of grumbling/crying was ok, but went back in whenever he got hysterical). Only took a few night really, and then he'd cry/whinge from me saying goodnight till I went out the door, then quickly scoot himself back up the bed and lie down once he knew I wasn't coming back. We had a few setbacks when he realized he could ask for water (now has a sportsbottle by the bed), window closed, light on, etc etc, but generally worked really well.

Sadly, a few months afterwards DH introduced the concept of ghosts, so now he's scared of the dark and needs us to be in the room again for both daytime naps and night time. Woo, good job DH!

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weebairn · 04/06/2015 18:38

We did this and still do sometimes. She has mostly grown out of it naturally. Now usually waves us goodbye at bedtime.

We did a lot of explaining that it was time to sleep (for naps too) rather than trying to "trick" her into accidentally falling asleep after she turned 2. This upset her at first, but not for long. So now I say, "it's time for your nap" or "it's time for bed" and sometimes she'll say yes and sometimes she'll say no but generally she goes along with it. Previously we would just get her into situations where she was likely to fall asleep (pushchair, car, lying down in bed with us).

It's been quite gradual and natural with us.

She is 2 years 8 months.

I had another baby when she was 2 so that may have sped it up some.

We never used to find it that frustrating though as it rarely took very long (5-15 minutes). And she was mostly a good sleeper so I don't see that it created a problem really. My dp also got very frustrated after the new baby was born, though. Once we realised divide-and-conquer was the only way to achieve anything we calmed down a bit… initially he was wanting to help out by holding the newborn all night (like he did with DD1) and was angry that he couldn't! But we muddled through. DD2 was easy peasey to settle and still is, anyway. (though sleeps worse, for what it's worth!)

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