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I can't manage anymore 9m old

(14 Posts)
milktraylady Thu 23-Jan-14 10:59:54

We had the usual 2hr sleeps as a newborn. Struggled through until week 6 when we went to a birthday party where she went to sleep at midnight & slept til 6am (in cot) Amazing. She did that for 8 weeks.

Then one night she woke at 3am and wouldn't go back to sleep deeply (am bf) I would get her to sleep, put back in cot but she'd wake after 30mins or an hour or two.

This went on for 10 weeks getting worse. I fell apart at a baby group one day & my husband told me either we leave her to cry or you co sleep but this can't go on.
I can't leave her to cry, so cosleeping started. V safe- not overweight,no drugs not drinking, hardish mattress etc.

Done that for quite a few weeks now (40w this week).
But I am shattered, she is crawling so is zooming around the bed at 2am 4am. I am bf her to sleep.

She's only gone to sleep once on her own at night by rocking & walking- there was some yelling.

Daytime naps- 2 & she bf to sleep, or out in the pram or in the car. Won't let me put her in the cot though.
My SIL has got her to nap by walking her in the living room & she yelled for a few minutes then slept.

Have been doing No Cry sleep solution. But stuck at the nipple removal & going to sleep by herself. Happy playing in the cot.

I think she has object permanence now.

I am constantly getting bugs, I can't think straight, no energy for walks out in the pram, very low.

I need sleep hmm

Please can you advise me the least awful way to get her to sleep through as I really can't manage any more.

(Thanks, sorry it's a bit long, been lurking on the sleep board for ages & I know it's helpful to know what's the current situation. Also she's pretty high maintenance baby compared to all my friends babies)

tinierclanger Thu 23-Jan-14 11:03:32

Hi milk

It sounds very hard for you. I can't help personally as my nearly 9 month old is also a terrible sleeper and although I am coping with cosleeping, I have decided to get a sleep consultant to try and help us.

Have you ever see this thread? Might be of use

Mostly wanted to offer you my sympathy though!

milktraylady Thu 23-Jan-14 11:03:49

Oh and I have tried her with a dummy. Nearly every week, 3 different brands & she just chews it a bit & looks utterly disgusted & spits it out.
She has a very high palate, this might be a reason why?

milktraylady Thu 23-Jan-14 11:04:42

Thanks I will take a look at that thread.

emeraldgirl1 Thu 23-Jan-14 13:34:35

PM'd you x

milktraylady Thu 23-Jan-14 14:59:23

Thanks emerald

milktraylady Thu 23-Jan-14 18:42:02

Bump for the evening crowd

naty1 Fri 24-Jan-14 13:10:17

You so need to make sure she goes to sleep with no intervention stating with naps. If you rock., feed drive her to sleep she has not learnt the skill to go to sleep or stay asleep.
I did do CC at 11 months by then she was sleeping on tummy etc. I think it took 3 days for her 1st nap off me. Gradually the time got longer. She did cry quite a bit but it's not like always after that she cries to sleep. She has learnt the skill of calming down.
Obviously not all are the same and some make themselves sick etc so are not ready.
I tried first patting her to sleep and returning her but I was intervening and she didn't learn to do this herself
She now sleeps 12 hours soon after and naps.
I think she had reflux/ allergies and when I removed soya that also really helped.
I think nurseries so let them cry a bit as they can't do all rocking etc for each child.
Does the kid rub their eyes when tired.
I found mine is tired even now at 20 m within 3 hours of getting up as is very active

mrsmalcolmreynolds Fri 24-Jan-14 19:21:27

I've posted on that other thread and agree that if co - sleeping isn't working for you then some way of helping her learn to go to sleep without intervention is needed. There are gradual and reasonably gentle ways to do that but I'll be honest and say there will almost certainly be some crying.

FWIW unlike a PP we found it worked best to tackle night sleeping first to establish some strong habits that could then be adapted for naps.

PurplePidjin Fri 24-Jan-14 19:44:59

I broke and did gentle sleep training at that age, you have my sympathy thanks

Fwiw, controlled crying for us was more controlled shouting. If he's hysterical, there's a problem i need to sort out (nappy, calpol, drink) If he's just going to sleep it's a very different cry - more cross that he's awake. Don't be afraid to let him shout before he sleeps.

Also, you are just as important. If co-sleeping doesn't work, put her in her own room. I disturb ds too much for us to share a room let alone a bed! Night weaning helped (it doesn't have to mean you stop bf, we're still going at 14 months) too, he's now happy with just water but other people have either sent daddy in to settle their dc or only offered formula. I prepped by offering boob every 1.5-2 hours in the days preceding so that i knew he'd had enough milk, that then meant that he was happy to cuddle to sleep in the rocking chair instead of feeding, which after a few days led to fewer wake ups. After a couple of weeks, he progressed to only waking once (for a nappy, he hates to be in a pooey or strong teething wee-y nappy, disposable or cloth) or not at all.

Just my experience, but sleep training does not mean endless crying. Ds now settles for naps in his cot while i hold his hand, and is increasingly pushing me away to do it himself. You will get there thanks

milktraylady Sat 25-Jan-14 14:21:05

Purple you are right- controlled shouting is exactly it!
My DH has done the night shift the last 2 nights and she's not even hungry, she just wants constant boob access. So am night weaning & working on getting her into the cot.
John Lewis fleece in cot in case she was too cold.

Basically I have hit rock bottom so something has to change.

Thanks for all your responses everyone, really helpful.

PurplePidjin Sat 25-Jan-14 16:53:23

Use rock bottom as a firm base to push off from - it can only get better fromnow on!

milktraylady Mon 27-Jan-14 21:10:34

Purple you are dead right about that.

My DH did night shift for 3 nights so I could sleep, then I did last night & by 5am she self settled. Omg!
I've been reading about this miraculous event and it happened!
Fingers crossed it's not a one off.

Saw the osteo today - in case that will help. Was a bit odd- dd went all hot & sweated a bit, got all cross, then settled down bf.
osteo reckons it's guts waking her up, she has an intolerance to a specific food. Will keep a close eye over the next week to food reactions.

Thanks for the replies on here & pm, really appreciated.

PurplePidjin Mon 27-Jan-14 21:19:28

From experience she might only do it sporadically for a while but now you know she can, it'll get more frequent until it's normal smile ds did 2 nights in a row of 10 hours at about 3 months old but then it was quite a few weeks before he did it again. Now it's unusual for him to do less, and only if there's a problem - nappy, drink, teething pain etc. At the time i honestly thought I'd never be allowed to sleep again!

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