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How do you keep going? I'm completely desperate

(39 Posts)
Ledkr Wed 01-May-13 00:09:55

Dd is 2.3 and has slept all night a handful of times.
She's either waking at night, hard to settle and always wakes by 6.
I am completely exhausted. I am ill with it.
I've already had cancer once and am scared that it wil recur with the stress.
When she wakes its hard to know what to do as going into settle her makes her worse and she gets more worked up. So tonight we have just left her (moany cries) for over half an hour but she didn't stop once.
Dh's answer is to leave her which is stupid as you can't just leave her indefinitely.
He works shifts but gets up a lot because I have simply had enough.
She is my fifth child and the others all slept fine.
It's ruined my enjoyment of her and any good times seem outweighed by this lack of sleep.
I just can't go on like it anymore. If it wasn't for dd1 I'd be gone.
I'm completely done in,my health is awful my temper and depression are awful I have no enthusiasm or energy to do anything in my life.
I just want out of it.
Dh is down with her now which makes me feel bad cis he has work at seven.
We have tried everything but it only works before a new problem arises.
Can't co sleep as my joints are so painful exasperated by her making me sleep scrunched up.
Sleep consultant won't be any good as the problem is inconsistent.
Any type of technique is impossible due to her being loads worse and getting in a state if you do go in with her.
Dh will be holding her hand now but she will just wake when he lets go.
I'm going to try and sleep now.
Don't even want answers cis there are none I just needed to get it off my chest.
Just want to step off my own life.

MrsTwgtwf Wed 01-May-13 00:18:06

That sounds awful, Ledkr. sad You must get some help, surely, from someone. I know it sounds radical but could you get a night nanny for a short while, so that you could get some respite? Maybe family members could help with the cost? Sorry if that is completely unrealistic. sad

Lack of sleep is just so debilitating, I feel for you.

Ledkr Wed 01-May-13 06:25:42

It's the unpredictability of it all. She will sleep a few nights and then we think its ok but then will start a different problem.
I've just woken up and dh not in bed so I'm just hoping he's got some rest or ill spend the day feeling guilty as well as my head aching.

YoniOrNotYoni Wed 01-May-13 06:42:15

Sympathies. Ds is 20mo, has slept through less than 10 times ever and rarely stays in bed later than 5.15. It's a killer isn't it?
My body clock seems to have just adapted to it and I'm bfing still so perhaps the hormones help. That doesn't help you though.
Right now I suggest you take a shower or get a coffee - anything to perk you up. Then call your gp, print a copy of your op to take with you and read it out. Beg for help. Admit you're struggling. I don't know what she'll do but at least you'll get someone else on your team and you can start to address it.

YoniOrNotYoni Wed 01-May-13 06:43:54

Oh, and here, have a [hug] Just don't tell anyone that mn got cuddly.

CreatureRetorts Wed 01-May-13 06:46:55

You sound so down - as demonstrated by thinking that nothing will work sad

First I'd rule out something medical. Diet (eg food intolerances like dairy - can be low level) or ear problems or breathing (does she snore or breath heavily?)

Environmental - does she get enough sleep eg a nap and early bedtime? Is her room warm/cool enough, can she share with a sibling for reassurance?

Speak to the HV and get a referral to a sleep clinic. Please.

BedHanger Wed 01-May-13 06:47:30

Have you considered medical causes? Been to the GP to rule them out? If not, I'd get on this asap. Bit left field, but have you considered a dietary cause at all?

We're seriously considering removing wheat and dairy from our 2.5yo's diet as his sleep is also poor. I have an eight week old as well but it's not him who got me up at 5.30 again this morning <hugs brew>.

BedHanger Wed 01-May-13 06:48:40

X-posts with creature. Not that left field then grin.

Cravingdairy Wed 01-May-13 06:50:34

Ours has cow's milk protein intolerance and was an awful sleeper. She's a lot better now at 20 months. I would get intolerances checked out if you haven't already.

Ledkr Wed 01-May-13 06:50:34

Thankyou xx
Dh and I have decided to cancel our plans for the weekend (visitors and a night out) put her in a bed and sit it out for three nights.
She is now waking by 11.30 so if we keep separating to different beds we might as well call it a day (he can have full custody grin)
I also need my spare room as my big ds is ill and may need to come home for a bit.

Ledkr Wed 01-May-13 06:58:22

X post sorry.
She has slight glue ear as she had a cleft repair at 9 months. Not bad enough for grommets yet. Some mild low level hearing loss too. Would that cause a problem?

How do you get tested for tolerances?

Ledkr Wed 01-May-13 06:59:45

I found hv and gp useless tbh. I have five dh so they just don't see me as important.

BedHanger Wed 01-May-13 07:02:47

Craving, I guess you are still missing the dairy grin. What do you mean by getting intolerances checked out? I thought the only thing to do was remove the food and see if it makes a difference?

What does your DD drink?

BedHanger Wed 01-May-13 07:03:33

Five DH, eh Ledkr? That would affect your sleep wink.

Ledkr Wed 01-May-13 07:16:05

Ha ha might be a distraction though.
Well interestingly she drinks loads of milk.
Obsessed. In fact the last few nights she has had to eventually have milk in the night to go off again.
As for naps n stuff. We seemed to be having bad nights if she'd not had a good nap or a too late night. However the last few nights its all been as it should be and she still woke up.
What do you think of the bed idea? Change things entirely and maybe easier to settle her than in a cot.
She had a long nap yesterday. How long should they be?

ChocolateCremeEggBag Wed 01-May-13 07:58:29

My DS is 2.5 and stopped all daytime naps at about 2 - we find he sleeps best when he's had lots of fresh air and doesn't go to bed too late. We have a routine of bath, 3 stories (max) then bed, usually by 7.30, but sometimes closer to 8 (DH is not so good with timings)
Also have to have a very dark room so have the black out sheets taped to the window to really cut out the light

He still has his moments, so I think it is a phase type thing

Good luck

emmyloo2 Wed 01-May-13 08:04:26

I really feel for you. I know you responded to my other thread about my son's sleep. It is incredibly difficult and it takes over every aspect of your life.

I have no suggestions as I am in the same boat although I do wonder whether a sleep consultant may help? we have used them and they do offer good ideas and they have helped us along the way. The only reason I am loathe to get them in for the 4th time, is because I am hoping this is a phase he will grow out of. Sometimes it can feel like you are the only one with a shit sleeper. It feels like that for me, but I assure you, there are plenty of us out there who cannot remember what it is like to have an uninterrupted night's sleep.

Good luck.

Gintonic Wed 01-May-13 08:09:43

Could she have reflux? Drinking milk can be a sign of that as it helps soothe the burning of the reflux.

Can you see a different gp who is more understanding if yours is a bit rubbish?

Really feel for you.

hazeyjane Wed 01-May-13 08:11:48

Sorry, have only skimmed the thread, I just wondered, thinking about the grommets and cleft - whether there could be some sort of obstructive sleep apnoea? When she does sleep, does she snore or grunt, snuffle etc?

Ds (2.10) is my second terrible sleeper, dd1 was due party to reflux and partly to allergies. Ds has sn and a mixed bag of health problems, but one of them is obstructive sleep apnoea (he is having another home sleep study in a couple of days).

Gintonic Wed 01-May-13 08:12:29

Could she have reflux? Drinking milk can be a sign of that as it helps soothe the burning of the reflux.

Can you see a different gp who is more understanding if yours is a bit rubbish?

Really feel for you.

hazeyjane Wed 01-May-13 08:13:00

Oh and huge sympathies.

It is very, very hard. Be kind to yourself. Get rest when ever you can. Drink coffee, eat chocolate, have a good cry. x

Ledkr Wed 01-May-13 09:02:40

Thanks Emmy x I'm not sure if a sleep consultant will help tbh as it's so inconsistent. I was on the verge of getting one the other week when she suddenly slept well for days!
I'm wondering if the bed move will give us a new set of problems which will at least be something new to try!
She just started two mornings at nursery And they commented on how much work she must be for me.

Ledkr Wed 01-May-13 18:11:14

Ok today's check list.
Toddlers in morning music and movement in afternoon park before tea.
Has eaten well today complete with a big bowl of porridge for desert.
Nice relaxing bath happening at present.
Will be clean pjs and some nice story time and milk.
She normally watches the night garden. Does anyone think that's not a great idea due to the screen time/insomnia link?
I will try without tonight.
Wish me luck. I've had a migraine all day so could well do with the rest.

potatofactory Wed 01-May-13 18:17:40

Good luck! I've got a daughter of the same age who is a terrible sleeper & also inconsistent. It 's SO awful. Hope it goes well tonight

Ledkr Wed 01-May-13 18:19:55

Any suggestions? Is she in a bed yet? I've never had the nerve as she's so bad but I'm wondering whether to give it a go.

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