How do you keep going? I'm completely desperate

[Ledkr]

Dd is 2.3 and has slept all night a handful of times.
She's either waking at night, hard to settle and always wakes by 6.
I am completely exhausted. I am ill with it.
I've already had cancer once and am scared that it wil recur with the stress.
When she wakes its hard to know what to do as going into settle her makes her worse and she gets more worked up. So tonight we have just left her (moany cries) for over half an hour but she didn't stop once.
Dh's answer is to leave her which is stupid as you can't just leave her indefinitely.
He works shifts but gets up a lot because I have simply had enough.
She is my fifth child and the others all slept fine.
It's ruined my enjoyment of her and any good times seem outweighed by this lack of sleep.
I just can't go on like it anymore. If it wasn't for dd1 I'd be gone.
I'm completely done in,my health is awful my temper and depression are awful I have no enthusiasm or energy to do anything in my life.
I just want out of it.
Dh is down with her now which makes me feel bad cis he has work at seven.
We have tried everything but it only works before a new problem arises.
Can't co sleep as my joints are so painful exasperated by her making me sleep scrunched up.
Sleep consultant won't be any good as the problem is inconsistent.
Any type of technique is impossible due to her being loads worse and getting in a state if you do go in with her.
Dh will be holding her hand now but she will just wake when he lets go.
I'm going to try and sleep now.
Don't even want answers cis there are none I just needed to get it off my chest.
Just want to step off my own life.

[Ledkr]

Thanks reastie we guess at what it is but it's so inconsistent that its hard to see a pattern.
Today I've tried to wear her out and she's eaten well too which is unusual for her.
The biggest problem is that once she's awake if we go to her she just is awake iykwim.
Her bed is a small wooden ikea one but I was thinking of making a bed on the floor next to it for dh me then he can lie with her and gradually withdraw. He sleeps anywhere but I get achy if I'm not in a good bed.
She's been so sweet today too and is currently copying everything g on the night garden (she's a right performer) it's such a pity she can't just sleep.

[reastie]

Gradual withdraw does sound like a gentle approach she might find works for her. Have you got a spare mattress? You could just lie in on the floor in her room to get as comfy as possible! It might be a bit rubbish at the moment trying it but in the long term it might give you your sleep back. Plus, if you're there with her when she first wakes up she might get back to sleep quicker and easier as she hasn't had so much time to properly wake up IYKWIM. I'm sure there's a good book somewhere on that method but I can't remember what it was . Maybe someone else here can recommend. They do say whatever you decide to do to stick with it so maybe find what you think will work and give it a really good go with DH for a given time and see what happens at the end.

[CreatureRetorts]

Sorry just came back to this. I'd be getting the glue ear checked - it could be giving her mild discomfort which is low level so she's not noticing it until night time when no distraction.

Drinking shed loads of milk could also be a sign of an intolerance to dairy. Try cutting it out (only give cheese and one yoghurt a day instead) and see if that helps at all.

[CreatureRetorts]

less common symptom of glue ear is trouble sleeping

So I wouldn't rule it out as a cause.

[piprabbit]

I just wanted to say that I feel for all of you with tricky sleepers. My DS didn't sleep through for 2.5years and I was at the end of my tether. He was also very demanding during the day.

In the end my wonderful DParents stepped in and paid for him to go to nursery a couple of mornings a week, ahead of him getting his govt. entitlement. It was a lifesaver. I suddenly had the headspace to start getting in control of things, I spent the odd morning catching up on much needed sleep and the best thing was that with in a couple of months he started settling at night and sleeping through. It felt like a miracle to me, although there is probably a logical explanation about him finishing teething/being more worn out on nursery nights and getting himself into a new habit/starting to eat better etc.etc. What ever it was, I'm glad it happened when it did.

Good luck - I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you tonight.

[Ledkr]

Thank you all. I don't feel so alone now.
creature that's interesting isn't it? They say hers is mild at the moment as is her low level hearing loss but she has all those symptoms bless her.
She is a little misery and gets frustrated when trying to make us understand her.
I did story time rather than night garden she went off well but then she always does.

[CreatureRetorts]

Id make a list and get to the GP. Outline the negative impact it's having on her and you. How do they define mild?!

[potatofactory]

Hello again. If I had any suggestions I'd let you know - though like you the inconsistency puts me off really thinking it could be a (presumably consistent) cause. I do think fresh air and running around can do nothing but good though.

Interestingly, mine also obsessed with milk and we often give it to her at night as she wants it....

Hope going well

[Ledkr]

Well because if her cleft she is under an extensive team for 21 yrs.
She sees a hearing specialist regularly who said its only mild so far.
They are being checked again soon.

[RubyrooUK]

Sympathies Ledkr. I wouldn't have survived the non-sleeping whirlwind that is DS1 without him moving early into a comfy single bed where DH and I could both lie with him in reasonable comfort to help him go to sleep/deal with night wakings.

I have no advice as I have no clue why he wakes up, although at 2.7, he finally seems to be sleeping a bit better. The best solution for us just appears to be time, sorry....

[Ledkr]

Thanks xx I can't believe I'm risking the bed thing but we would welcome a new challenge and the chance to sleep next to her if necessary.

[Ledkr]

Ok so yesterday I......
Wore her out with activities.
Woke her from her nap after an hour.
Made sure she ate including a bowl of porridge for desert.
Banned tv at bedtime did books instead.
Marched her round the park just before tea.

slept 7-7
Shall repeat today And pray it wasn't a fluke.
Sad thing is she is a different child and has had such a fun morning.
It has such a detrimental effect on them as well as us.

[YoniOrNotYoni]

Ah-may-zing!

Well done you x