10 mo standing up in cot at bedtime

[PumpUpTheJam]

How do I stop her doing this?! DD has never been world's greatest sleeper and we spent the early months endlessly rocking her out, but after a little bit of sleep training at 7 months she developed a great pattern of crying it out for two mins then falling deeply asleep. Until she learned how to pull up to stand.

Now if I put her down awake she instantly twists round, no matter how tired she might be. She then pulls up to stand and goes immediately into full-blown hysterics, gesturing to be picked up.

So far i have tried:

1. Leaving her to cry (20 mins is my max and anyway she ramps up the tension during this time);
   
2. Soothing eg quiet singing, stroking, but not actually picking her up (20 mins again my max but apparently she can object for longer than I can bear!)
   
3. Rocking her back to sleep then putting her down. Result. But I'd like her to be able to get back into the habit of self-soothing to sleep.
   

Anyone else dealing or dealt with this?

[CountBapula]

Yup, same problem with my 10 mo DS. I used to be able to shh/pat him to sleep in the cot but now he just starts crawling around and standing up. He also quickly gets hysterical if left to cry, even if I am sitting right next to him patting him etc. Am currently feeding or rocking to sleep. (He's always been a rubbish sleeper and have kind of given up after 10 months of trying everything!)

So no advice, just a hopeful bump ...

[Katiekatiekatekate]

I have this exact problem and decided today that I was going to tackle it (which is why I find myself in the sleep section!). Like you, this is not the first sleeping issue we've had, he has never been an easy sleeper and, as I'm breastfeeding and haven't yet refused night feeds I've not had more than 3 hours uninterrupted sleep for 10 months. I am so far beyond exhausted I don't know my own name anymore.

Tonight I put DS to bed after giving him a bottle to make sure that he is definitely full. He stood or sat up over 30 times and each time I just lay him back down immediately, occasionally pausing very briefly to give him a kiss or stroke his head. Eventually he fell asleep and actually smiled at me as he did. He has already woken up once and when I went in he was sitting up, so I repeated what I'd done earlier. This time it took 9 goes before he went to sleep. Both times he was crying right up until he went back to sleep though, I'm afraid. I don't think he was crying for a cuddle, I think he was crying because he wasn't asleep when he wanted to be, if that makes sense, so if I can believe that I'm helping him get through it then I might be able to persevere.

During the night, DH and I are going to take a split shift so that each of us gets 5 hours sleep, the other will sleep in DS's room so that we can lay him back down as soon as he gets up, hopefully before he wakes himself up completely.

I don't know if this will help, I hope you don't think I'm barbaric!!

[Spagbolagain]

Yes, mine did this, rattling at the cot bars.
We just kept going in, laying him down, saying goodnight and leave again straight away. Took about 30 goes till he went to sleep!
But less the next night, and in a few days he just got on with it and went to sleep.
Sleeps really well now, don't worry too much it won't last.

Katie I was just like you at 10months. I DS fed every 3hours no matter what he ate or how much I fed during the day. At 11months we night weaned, just gave him water when he woke. He was cross for 3nights, then it just clicked and he slept through, the relief was unbelievable. Carried on bf morning and night till 13months when he self-weaned. I never ever thought he would!

[PumpUpTheJam]

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you kind and helpful ladies. I too am ebf and doing at least one feed a night so the added suggestions re night weaning have come at exactly the right time. I too am really desperate for a solid stretch of sleep, never mind getting my evenings back.

Luckily DH is home tonight (having been away all week) and is trying to get her down. I'm glad he's copping it for once, to be honest! He's just come back in and announced he rocked her to sleep but we will get a strategy ready for tomorrow. I don't know why it didn't occur to me to try Spagbol & Katie's idea but I will... And good luck Bap: let me know how you get on!

[Katiekatiekatekate]

Following spagbol's advice, I've just put a bottle of water in his room in case lying him down just doesn't cut it after a while. I will report back tomorrow Jam! (Hope you don't mind my name shortening, didn't want to call you "Pump" haha) Maybe we can go through this together :)

[jillinthailand]

Pumpupthejam - what you described is exactly what we are going through with our 8mo daughter at the moment so I feel your pain. Unfortunately, I don't have much useful advice... the only thing that has worked so far for me is to sit with my hand firmly on her stomach after I put her into the cot to stop her rolling onto her tummy to stand up!! This only works if she is really ready to go to sleep though - if she's a little bit too lively it just results in screaming!

Spagbol - I think the bottle of water at night is a great suggestion but is 8 months too early for night weaning?

[PumpUpTheJam]

Good news! Took 37 put-downs at the morning nap but she did eventually stop climbing up and go to sleep, although as Katie & Spagbol said, it was hysterics all the way. I felt horrible but am really hoping that the afternoon nap is even a little less of a battle. It was useful having the number 30 in my head so that at #15 I could tell myself I was halfway through, and by 30 I kept telling myself each time would be thhe last! Fingers crossed this afternoon...

Oh and I've decided that once I've cracked this I'll then start on night weaning, but one thing at a time. Let me know how you get on with it K! As for Jill's question, i think it depends how much they are eating and how comfortable you are that they're getting enough nutrition elsewhere. The NHS recommends 500ml milk til age 1 but gives no guidelines as to how the quantity should/could reduce as they approach that age. I have found boob to be the only answer to some serious teething recently, but I am the only one of all my friends still bf and all their babies appear to be fine :-) Jam x

[PumpUpTheJam]

Damn. She fell asleep feeding and didn't wake up when put down. And i was primed for another 37 rounds!

[Spagbolagain]

I think it's a bit early for a bf baby, but depends what they are having during the day. Some babies do obviously sleep through naturally well before this point, but from a comfort point of view I am not sure my DS would have been happy.
By 10 months he was having loads of yogurt and cheese and a really good diet, but this wasn't the case at 8 months so I continued to demand feed. If using formula, maybe it's different as you can see what they are having and it's not so much on demand, more scheduled?

Hope it gets better tonight for you ladies! Hang in there all of you, it will pass I promise!

[jillinthailand]

Thanks for the feedback. TBH i think i felt in my heart that its a bit early to start thinking about weaning but just so desperate for a decent night sleep!

Jam - good news that you've made some progress so far! I had a whole hour of stand up/put down last night but once she finally went to sleep she slept straight through to 4am! First time in ages!

[Katiekatiekatekate]

Hi! Sorry for no update yesterday.... here goes.

Ok, first night didn't go according to plan as DH didn't get home til midnight so there was no split shift and I basically did the whole night. However, I think I had to get up 4 times after 9pm, each time lying him back down. Once (1am) took ages, the next 2 were very quick and the last one at 5am, I tried for half an hour before giving up and letting him get up.

Second night (last night) took 22 goes initially to get him to stay down. Similar number of night wakings but I carried on just laying him down without feeding. I offered him some water once when he seemed really upset but he didn't take it. Towards the end of the night he started lying back down of his own accord when I put my hand on his back and then I just patted him a bit to keep him calm. I kept saying quietly "lie down baby, good boy etc etc".

Tonight he pretty much put himself to sleep, just had to lie him down once and then guide him back down gently a couple of times. I'm continuing to BF during the day but give him a full bottle of formula before bed so that I'm hapy he's full up and so that I don't worry and give in during the night. I know if I pick him up to feed he will fall asleep on me and we'll be back where we started. Night weaning seems to be happening as a by-product of the whole thing.

Sorry, long post... maybe too much detail! Very very tired but can see a glimmer of hope.... good luck for tonight ladies!

[Katiekatiekatekate]

You can tell I'm tired... probably should pick one spelling of lay, lye, lie, lying, laying and stick to it. And "happy". Doh.

[PumpUpTheJam]

Interesting. I like your glimmer of hope! I had one too - last night took only 21 attempts to put her down and she was much less tearful, so today I thought it would reduce even further. But after 15 standing-ups at 930 nap time she did the most whopping poo that smelt so awful i had to change her. Then we started again, and i thought it'd probably take the full 20 again... But it took 49 goes! That child is stubborn! Despite yawning and rubbing her eyes for over an hour she only went down at 1045 & now instead of getting all my chores done I need a cup of tea and a rest.

But I do think it's the right course of action as I simply must show her who's boss,... If not now, then I have no chance whatsoever when she is 14! Good luck y'all for later today and do keep me updated if you have a chance as it is really interesting and helpful to hear someone else's experience: isn't that the best thing about mumsnet?

[Katiekatiekatekate]

Jam, last night - night 3 - he did not need to be re-laid down even once when we put him to bed at 7. He did sit up a few times while I was reading to him but he laid himself back down and eventually just put himself to sleep.

He then slept RIGHT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! I did not get out of bed again even once until he woke up at 5.30am. (I realise that's very early but, to be honest, I'll take it!)

Roll on tonight when we find out if it was a fluke....

[PumpUpTheJam]

Three cheers for you but three pints of gin restoring cups of tea for me as I have just battled for TWO HOURS doing the putdown/standup again game. Well, not two in total - did 2pm breastfeed as normal, then soft singing/soothing for 15 mins, then put her down at 230... And for the first hour she laughed and smiled every time I came back in! I didn't make eye contact, didn't make any noise other than putting her down, but by 330 I was totally fed up so went to the loo and to make tea. Came back 5 mins later to find she was hysterical. Kept doing the putting down thing but she kept winding herself up and by almost 4 I just couldn't bear it any longer so sat on the rocking chair with her on my lap which got her out in 5 mins.

Feel like a bit of a failure now as she won and I've had an empty day. Just hope it'll be a one-off. I've heard that the quicker your baby cottons onto the new routine, the more securely it "takes" , and if it needs longer than a week it isn't going to work. So fingers crossed for us both tonight!

[levantine]

I was just going to start a thread on this exact topic as am going to start thiscwith my 9 month old tonight. We are co sleeping and no one is getting any sleep so step one is to get him to sleep in his cot

[breatheslowly]

We have the same problem here. We are currently on path of least resistance - sitting with her and singing until she is asleep then putting her in her cot. It generally takes 15-40mins. During the day she goes in her pram for naps and often doesn't need any persuasion. I'm watching your progress with interest. I am not great at being consistent and am not very tolerant of crying, so I want to know that it works before trying it myself. I hope it worked this evening!

[Woodlands]

We had the same problem for a while but somehow it seems to have stopped now without me really noticing. It wasn't as bad as some of you have had it! He would sit or stand up and not be able to lie himself back down again, but now he seems to have got the hang of it. We often go in to find him asleep in very contorted positions and have to straighten him out! He's 12 months now BTW.

Next issue: how on earth is he going to sleep on the mats at nursery without crawling off? Only under-1s get cots to sleep in. We are settling him in at the moment and today I tried to get him to sleep at nursery but he wasn't having any of it. We did actually try him in a cot but he just stood up and watched the kids playing. I cannot see how he is ever going to do it...

[breatheslowly]

Woodlands the joy of your current issue is that it is the nursery's problem, not yours.

[Woodlands]

that is true! I just don't want an overtired child at the end of the day. I am overthinking it all at the moment - ithe whole going back to work after a whole year off, working from home, a slightly different role, leaving my PFB with strangers for the first time - so much to worry about!

[breatheslowly]

Our nursery can get DD to go to sleep in a cot. They have some sort of magic method that can't leave the nursery with her and work at home. Apparently she also is easy to change and just lies there. At home she crawls away or ends up balanced on her head with her back arched. I think the nursery may be staffed by good witches.

[Newbabynewmum]

I am also doing this at the moment with my 10mo DD. Nice to know there's others out there! As you can see from the time she's woken up nice and early - doing it over and over again to get her to sleep last night wasn't enough! I'm having to do it now too. Arghh!

[BR44]

Can I join in please? I was about to stat a thread about getting my 10mo DS back to sleep at night without feeding, but the posters here seem to be experiencing the same as me.

About 5 weeks ago I decided to wean him off night feeds as I was convinced it was habit rather than hunger making him wake up. After 2 hideous nights he improved dramatically. This lasted about a week, after which we had a two nasty teeth come through, followed by a holiday. His sleeping went to pot again and I now find myself feeding him back to sleep 2-3 times per night.

I know the answer is to go cold turkey again, I guess I'm just looking for a bit of moral support. MY DP is very supportive and desperately wants to help with the night wakings, but if he tries to comfort our boy during the night he becomes utterly hysterical and it makes the problem much worse.

On the other issue, he also stands up when I put him in this cot awake, but rather than crying he gives me a sleepy smile and tries to jump and play, bless him. A mixture of stroking and soft singing can get him lying down again about half the time. The other half only the boob works.

[Katiekatiekatekate]

Hi jam I'm sorry you're struggling, remember that it's very early days though. I don't know if this makes any difference but I have been totally slack with naps during this period, letting him sleep in the car, in my bed, in the pram etc etc and focussed entirely on getting him through the night. I figured it would work best at a time when he's definitely genuinely knackered (ie, the middle of the night!!). That probably goes against any wisdom but it seems to be working for me!

Good luck - and remember there's no guarantee that I've got it sorted... he'll probably go mental again tonight or something! x

[levantine]

We had our first night of getting DS to sleep in his cot last night. DH did it all, I tried to get him down in the evening but after an hour DH took over and did it in about fifteen minutes.

Anyway, result, DS stayed in his cot all night, even though he woke up every hour or so DH got him down each time and said it got easier. He has never ever slept in his cot, he is ebf and we were co-sleeping so it's quite a big deal. Also, we never managed it with DS1 who didn't sleep through until he was four so we are desperate to do things differently this time.

I got him to sleep in his cot for his morning nap and he slept for 21/2 hours .

I just read about a regression on about day five which I am v nervous about as DH is going away for a week next Monday. Eek.