One child familes - please can we have our own topic?

[Mulanmum]

Recently we started a thread in the Parenting section for families with one child aka "onlies". There's been a good response and there are lots of things relating to having just one child that we'd like to discuss.

Please can we have our own topic?

[Overmydeadbody]

no no no no no

If we had a topic for onlies, we'd need a topic for families with two children, and families with three, and families with four....

They all come with specific things that only relate to that size family.

I do not want to be put in a box, nor do I think MN needs yet more sub categories and only staying in topics that relate to you.

Seriously, it isn't nneeded.

I'm sure there isn't much that relates to just having one child that parents of more than one couldn't help with, advise on and discuss too. After all, all of us started off with only one child (well, most of us anyway, multiples excluded!)

[AMumInScotland]

I do think there are issues which are specifically about only having one child, and it can be helpful to speak to other parents who are facing the same issues as you, so i think this is a good idea.

[squeaver]

here is the thread

Ok here are my reasons for it being a good idea:

There are a lot of things that parents of onlies get concerned about that ARE unique to having just one e.g (off the top of my head):

• how to stop your child getting spoiled
• how to deal with a "lonely only"
• what to do about going on holiday
• preparing for the future (the whole "what about when we die" debate)

Plus there are loads of reasons why people only have one child: choice/unable to conceive/by accident.

Sometimes these things need to be discussed in the comfort of a devoted topic where everyone has the same starting point. If it's a more general issue, people can still post elsewhere.

Plus it's nice to get to "know" other MNers in the same position.

Plus there's a topic for multiples, one for larger families and one for chicken-keepers.

It's certainly not going to stop me posting in S&B, behaviour/development, AIBU (when I dare), chat or anywhere else.

Well done for suggesting it Mulanmum.

[Flamebat]

Seriously??

[squeaver]

Oh no, don't say this is going to kick off.

[mumhadenough]

Well there is a "larger families" topic, so I don't see why there shouldn't be a "one only" topic!

[Flamebat]

Why can you not post all those things in the normal subjects?

Everyone has been a one child family at some point.

It would be like whinging for a cloth nappy topic as the disposable people just don't understand us.

[Flamebat]

Larger families have a whole set of logistical stuff that just don't happen for other size families.

[Aveda]

I disagree. I have an only, and I don't think we need a whole topic dedicated to us.

The points squeaver made are relevant to families of all different shapes and sizes.

[noddyholder]

I have an only and while I do think there are issues that arise a whole new topic would not get a lot of use because ime only child specific problems are rare.

[saint2shoes]

can we also have one for people with just 2 children.

[saythatagain]

....we're all tall in our family; what about us? Blimey, and all left handed. We surely deserve a topic section?

[Overmydeadbody]

Well, I'm a single parent with an only child and we are both left-handed, I propose a topic dedicated to other left-handed single parent only child families.

[saythatagain]

But I've got curly hair too so that makes me more worthwhile yes?

[Mulanmum]

If the topic isn't of interest or relevant to you - ignore it! That's what I do with the majority of topics on MN and I would guess that most people do too.

[squeaver]

I don't agree it would be "whingeing" Flame. Why should it be? I'll personally slap any whingers.

And, obviously, everyone only has one child at some point. But most of those people are planning to have more.

And I happen to think the things I mentioned ARE unique to one-child families.

And this is a parenting site, not a curly-haired, tall, left-handed people site.

And, yes, larger families do have major logistical issues. But one-child families maybe have other non-logistical things they'd like to chat to each other about (and I suppose you could say the same things about 2 or 3 children families but surely there's just more of them than there are of either only-child families or larger families??)

And I would really hope it wouldn't be divisive. Just somewhere to say hello to people in the same situation, if nothing else. Just like the folks with chickens can do.

[squeaver]

Sorry should have probably put a after that first line.

[MOrticiaAdams]

Oh lordy, I'm going to sit on the fence!

I've got an only (AND I'm left handed OMDB!) but I'm not sure!

It is nice to talk to people that know what its like to have an only. Not a toddler only, because many people have until they have another, but older ones, who aren't going to get a sibling, iyswim!

However, you can just as easily start a thread about your only, if you want and it does seem that MN is segregating people these days, with all these sub-sections. I exclude so many sections these days and it seems kinda unsociable tbh! I am totally guilty of sticking to certain types of thread, but sometimes, I feel that I'm missing out on a whole host of stuff because of all these sections.

So, did I make a point there or not?! Don't think I want a devoted section, but then, I don't mind really!

[teafortwo]

Hello Mulanmum!

What a brilliant idea!!!!

I agree with Squeaver... there are specific issues that effect people with just one child in the same way there are specific issues that effect chicken keepers!

If I ever find myself wondering why my chicken has crossed the road I know for sure I will be very thankful for the chicken keepers topic!!!

If I ever need support and reassurance about my only dd... whether it is travelling with her, concerns over her social skills, reassurance I am not a bad Mum for not producing siblings, ideas for good only child role models for her, ideas for stimulating and interesting outings for us or advice on friendships which I believe, through research, have a different significance for only children I would really love to have a topic to turn to.

Single child families are a big social change happening all around us in every major city, all the towns and villages not just across the UK but the developed World!

Ok, ok... Perhaps at the end of the day if you gave us a topic of our own it will just be me and Squeaver sitting about chatting about hats! However, in reality I suspect it will be well used by at least all 54(?) mners who have signed in on the one child family thread each interesting and interested people with questions, ideas, concepts, jokes, fears and sometimes with to be honest really terrible or completely amazing personal stories that they want to share! Things they so far have felt they couldn't mention because they had no postbox to put these words into!

Mn - go on - give these parents a postbox! Even just so you can post "Told you so" When I post in topic: One child "Yes but don't you think that hat will spoil my hair, Squeaver?"

[lovelysongbirdanotheryearolder]

there are sections for large families so there should be one for onlies.

its ONLY fair after all.

and don't give us any crap that they will only be onlies for a short while read the linked thread and you will see some of these will be onlies for good.

[squeaver]

Outstanding work TFT! And I look forward to the "importance of choosing hats over fascinators if you only have one child" thread!

[teafortwo]

ooooh - good joke lovelysongbirdanotheryearolder....

Let's listen to some music while we chat....

www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJxxYlcN0Is

[teafortwo]

I look forward to it too Squeaver, infact, when (not if) we are given a topic I suggest it be made the first thread!

[julesrose]

Oh please - where's the harm! I think it could be very useful. Most of the time with an only it's fine, but sometimes there's a whole load of guilt / anxiety etc etc and it would be nice and supportive to have somewhere to go.

[Yanda]

I would like a topic for onlies, I think that it would be useful. I don't really see why the logistical issues that face larger families are any more important than the socialisation issues that onlies face. And to me three children is a larger family. I mean FGS, there is one for sleb twaddle which is not even a parenting ishoo yet there are some of us who feel we would benefit from an onlies board and we are being told to sod off because others don't see the benefit. If you don't like it, don't look.