How to

(48 Posts)
eastie1122 Fri 17-Feb-17 14:34:01

Oral sex has never been within my comfort zone, but I really want to try and please my partner in this way as he has said he enjoys this!
Any tips on how to boost my confidence and make this as enjoyable as possible, for both of us!

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Annabel11 Fri 17-Feb-17 14:50:01

I think you should be careful in doing something just to please him, because if you make an indication that you don't like it, then it can have a negative effect.

As for tips ... One thing I can suggest is this: you can try approaching this the same way you would an icecream in a cone. Build a rhythm and don't forget to explore other areas of the cone, not just the tip.

DaddyDayCare82 Fri 17-Feb-17 14:52:58

Lots of kissing and teasing first, build the tension and suspense first, this will help he get closer before you start oral it will help with not drawing it out and giving you massive jaw ache!
For you he should make sure he's clean it prob not a great topic but it will make it more enjoyable for you if he is.

Lots of saliva, use your hands as well as your mouth. And ask questions, get him to let you know what he likes, and just enjoy it, nothing worse than you knowing your partner isn't enjoying it.

Another avenue is maybe he goes down on you first and if you've had an orgasm in my experience my wife is usually very relaxed after one! That might help with the nerves?

eastie1122 Fri 17-Feb-17 15:09:15

Thanks for replying! I want more confidence really in doing it, it's not that I don't want to, I just want to know how to do it well! And is it usual to gag etc 🙈

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DaddyDayCare82 Fri 17-Feb-17 16:01:18

It's not uncommon but I think it's more from accident than anything else, unless you like the feeling don't do it so you gag.

Keep the head of his penis wet and make sure you use your hands in between sucking thrusts, lots of saliva it will feel amazing for him!

eastie1122 Fri 17-Feb-17 16:14:49

Thank you! Since having our babies I lost all confidence in myself and I really want to get my s*it together! We have a great relationship elsewhere so getting my confidence back will be the icing on the cake! Just tell me what to do!

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DaddyDayCare82 Fri 17-Feb-17 16:41:42

Have you given oral before?

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eastie1122 Fri 17-Feb-17 16:58:26

Yes I have, I just want to know if there's any way I can make it better! And I want to be able to swallow blush how do I get round this?

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HarryTheHippo Fri 17-Feb-17 17:02:22

I absolutely can't swallow. I want to be able to but I usually stop before he cums as I find the taste truly repulsive sad I wish I didn't.

eastie1122 Fri 17-Feb-17 17:06:25

I'm the same harry! I really want to finish him in my mouth! It's not really about the taste, it's the texture! hmm I'm just gonna have to do it aren't i

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noego Fri 17-Feb-17 18:34:39

It's not always about the mouth, you have hands too and to give a good BJ you have to use both. I have a partner who doesn't like to swallow but can take it their mouth and then release it iyswim

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Fri 17-Feb-17 19:59:57

Bollocks to swallowing-until it comes in chocolate flavour it's just not happening, my theory is you have a gag reflex for a reason-why the fuck would you want to swallow something that doesn't taste nice hmm

HerOtherHalf Fri 17-Feb-17 20:04:42

Swallowing is largely a male dominance kick. There is no physical reason why a bj with swallowing is any more enjoyable than a bj where you pull away at the point of ejaculation. Don't do it if you don't enjoy it.

Namechangeforsex Fri 17-Feb-17 20:14:27

I swallow, but if you don't want to and don't enjoy it then please, please don't.

I find if your partner is deep enough - iyswim - then you take it down without tasting anything. But, I want to, I enjoy it. My partner gets off on it because I want it if you don't then don't. If you are not enjoying it your partner should know that and not want it either.

Sex is about pleasure. If your not into it something is wrong, so stop.

eastie1122 Fri 17-Feb-17 20:43:17

Thank you all so much for replying! smile yes I understand about the being in enough then I won't taste/feel it, definitely worth a try wink
Any other tips? I would love to try some sub/Dom...but how do you approach this?
I must seem like such a "vanilla"

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noego Fri 17-Feb-17 21:07:19

Oh now you are talking, come into my parlour smile

Violetcharlotte Fri 17-Feb-17 21:16:22

Interesting first post!

eastie1122 Fri 17-Feb-17 21:26:59

Noego do teach!

Interesting first post- long time lurker- first time posting!

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Purplebluebird Fri 17-Feb-17 22:02:19

Just swallow really fast and you'll be fine.

Lick your hands and use them as well as your mouth, it makes it all nice and smooth. If you want to do hardcore, you can try deep throat, if you can cut off the gag reflex. But not if you don't want to!

I love giving BJ, though often finish out of mouth, depending a bit on mood/timing/how long he takes. I did it with one guy though, and he tasted so bad it put me off BJ for several years. It was a random guy, not someone I loved. Big difference!

Purplebluebird Fri 17-Feb-17 22:03:27

Oh yes, taking it in your mouth and spitting it out is not great, as you get more of the taste/texture then, compared to if you do a very quick swallow!

eastie1122 Fri 17-Feb-17 22:36:52

I'll give this a go and report back.

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eastie1122 Fri 17-Feb-17 22:37:39

Pressed post too soon! Thanks again for all your advice, and please, keep it coming as I really need to "up my game" grin

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noego Fri 17-Feb-17 23:57:20

The sub/dom relationship is psychological and you really need to trust the person that you are entering into this with.
I prefer that it is more sub/assertive than sub/dom. Because it is also important to have the vanilla side of a relationship and just indulge in sub/assertive adult play when the mood takes.
It is not just about the play room. It is also about the anticipation. The hours leading up to the play time. This is done by text/phone/chosen means of communication.
If you have a vanilla/sub/assertive relationship then days/evenings set aside for the play of sub/assertive can be an all day event. Lots of fun to be had. For example visiting sex shop or on line shop to choose "stuff"
Preparation. Rules, guidelines, contracts, safe word, limits and what is off limits etc.
All to be discussed in a mature way before entering into the physical.
Then you can let your imagination go wild.......for example I like to dress my sub on the day. Choosing the clothes, underwear, jewellery, shoes they will wear that day.............they are yours for the day and they have to comply.
Most people also believe that the sub has to be naughty and therefore punished. This is not the case. They do as they are told and do it properly then they are rewarded smile

BackToTheCaveman Sat 18-Feb-17 06:56:29

I also prefer the sub/assertive definition. We don't do pain or bondage. As noego said it's about control. Although our play is always present (we don't set aside time), I always control what CaveWoman wears (although for work she does have some input).

Op you and your partner need to decide where your mutual interests lie, and what your boundaries are.

As for oral, tell your partner that you are going to spend some time learning to give great head. Then practice often. Try lots of things and ask him to tell you what he likes. Oral is like sex there are lots of different types. Slow, wet, licky, porn style (eye contact) deep throat, hands, additives, swallow, show and swallow, run down chin etc etc.

noego Sat 18-Feb-17 09:05:59

Without being argumentative Caveman.

I find that women love to explore this side of their sexuality. Currently have three partners that are exploring this side of themselves and enjoying it. And this is has been triggered by the 50 shades phenomena.

However I recommend that they keep their vanilla interests alive as well. Not all men that may turn out to be life partners are interested in this way of life.
So I think it is important to have a balance and use the sub/assertive play as an erotic adventure now and again and when their urges demand it. In other words it can become obsessive and then become to abstract.
But as I believe in Freedom they can of course choose how they want to live their lives.
A recent GF who had become involved in an exclusive sub/dom relationship found it difficult to adjust back into the vanilla lifestyle and took it took a while for that adjustment to manifest itself again. They still enjoy the sub/ass adventure, but purely as erotic adult play.

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