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would you send your oldest child to private senior school if you didnt think you could afford to do it for subsequent children?

(44 Posts)
SlartyBartFast Wed 24-Sep-08 09:36:59

or what?

Heathcliffscathy Wed 24-Sep-08 09:38:29


fircone Wed 24-Sep-08 09:38:35


Could afford it for one, but no way for two, so neither go.

SlartyBartFast Wed 24-Sep-08 09:43:52

well me too but not so an acquaintance of mine {shock}

GrapefruitMoon Wed 24-Sep-08 09:44:03

It would depend on why I was doing it - eg if child 1 had a particular need that I felt a particular private school could meet but child 2 would be ok in state system.

I know lots of families around here who send their sons to a private school but not their daughters - because their girls go to a really good state (all girls) school and there isn't anything similar in the state sector for boys.

I also know someone who has sent their eldest to a private school as a temporary measure - they didn't get any of their choices in the state system but hope either a space comes up in a state school or they have moved to a different area before their next child is due to start secondary...

SlartyBartFast Wed 24-Sep-08 09:47:46

interesting grapefruit.
surely the younger girls would feel left out though

LilyDale Wed 24-Sep-08 09:48:14

Same as GrapefruitMoon - I know people whose daughters go to an excellent Comp but the boy goes to private school as the boys schools aren't so good.

Not sure I would do it personally.

GrapefruitMoon Wed 24-Sep-08 09:48:31

Which younger girls???

SlartyBartFast Wed 24-Sep-08 09:51:20

the girls who go the state school, while their brother is at the private school

pagwatch Wed 24-Sep-08 09:52:02

My children all go to different schools.
So without knowing their circumstances and reasoning I personnaly would think it a bit twattish to have a view.

SlartyBartFast Wed 24-Sep-08 09:53:15


pagwatch Wed 24-Sep-08 09:55:09


sorry - I did say personaly.
Just I chose best school I could for each child and there are different reasons for each. Didn't mean discussion was twattish...

GrapefruitMoon Wed 24-Sep-08 09:56:51

No they don't mind afaik - the state school is very very good (and judging by the cost of the uniform is like a private school without fees!) It's not that the parents don't think it's worth spending money on their daughter's education - it's that they want their sons to get just as good a one as their daughters...

SlartyBartFast Wed 24-Sep-08 10:02:29

grin pag,
it is a difficult situation isnt it. if you want the best for your oldest and you can afford it at the time but probably wont later...

we could never afford it anyway so the scenario wouldnt come up.

AMumInScotland Wed 24-Sep-08 10:07:06

I don't think there's anything fundamentally wrong in sending your children to different types of school if you think those are the best choices for them. I know a family where the very academic dd went to an independent school and more average ds went to the local comp - both were happy in those environments, and got an education which suited them well.

But if the choice is only because of the finances, I would try to avoid that situation. You could end up with a later child who could have got much more from the independent school, who resents not having those opportunities. And maybe also the older child wishing they were in a less pressured environment!

mrsruffallo Wed 24-Sep-08 10:07:29

No, I wouldn't. Fine way to breed resentment.

missblythe Wed 24-Sep-08 10:14:46

Dh is the middle child, and he was the only one sent to private school. His brother, and especially his sister, REALLY resent it still.

LadyMuck Wed 24-Sep-08 10:22:01

I'm in favour of the best school for the each child bearing in mind their individual needs. But I think that often the first child can end up being "favoured" simply because they get there first. It is a tricky road to go down, and you would have to be pretty definite that there was a clear reason as to why you should differentiate. The different schools for different sexes I totally get, and obviously selective schools have their own issues.

But it is a lot of money to pay out so I'm sure that the parents involved have considered what they are doing.

snorkle Wed 24-Sep-08 10:23:01

I wouldn't say I never would - there might be reasons that make it justifiable. Generally speaking though (99%+ of times) I wouldn't - it has the potential for causing all kinds of resentment & family rifts later on.

Tortington Wed 24-Sep-08 10:24:41

i would deffo have no probs sending my brightest most likely of achieving kid to private school

if i believed that private school was a good thing - which i dont

i would have no problem doing this

ForeverOptimistic Wed 24-Sep-08 10:25:26


I know lots of people who put their first born into private schools and then cannot afford to do for subsequent children. I would never fork out for private education unless I was sure I could afford it for all the family.

LilyDale Wed 24-Sep-08 10:37:52

This may affect me in the future, though.

Both of my children are at prep school - ds1 definitely wants to go to an independent secondary but ds2 is adamant that he doesn't, he wants to go to a state school. Maybe it's okay if it is the child's decision.

funnypeculiar Wed 24-Sep-08 10:40:58

Of my siblings, first two went to private school, next two to state schools. No resentment (about schools anyway smile I think if siblings are happy in the school they are going to/don't feel it is 'inferior' (I don't think state always = worse than private), it doesn't have to be a huge problem.

pigleto Wed 24-Sep-08 11:06:10

my db went private. my sister and I went to the rubbish local comp. I resented it then and I resent it now. My parents always favoured their pfb over us. They argue that they couldn't have afforded to send us all so it was best that one of us was favoured. But we all had to scrimp and save to pay for his education. I think you should treat your children equally, or as equally as you can.

LilyDale Wed 24-Sep-08 11:08:45

I had a childhood friend whose brother was sent to private school but none of the girls were - they resented it deeply but that was because their father didn't see the point in educating girls. I do think the reason for the decision is very important.

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